Is humor part of your marriage?

[SirKenin]

SK, I know how you feel. But I think you would be a better witness against legalism if you showed more of the joy that is in you, and I think that humor is a powerful tool for fighting the overly-serious way we sometimes get caught up in human pride.

I have to feel comfortable. I don't feel proud.... but I don't feel comfortable either. I don't feel joy very much either when reading most of this drivel as I call it. When I read all this nonsense I don't know whether to laugh at it or cry. It is such a challenge to learn who to ignore and who to talk to. It shouldn't be like this. I thought Christians were supposed to be above all this. How could I be so wrong? How is it that my homosexual/bisexual/bicurious/lifestyle friends are far easier to talk to, far more tolerant of others and not calling them names or belittling them for not thinking the way they do? How is it that they aren't throwing the book at people and Christians here are? Why is it they that assume you can either take it or leave it and don't pummel people into the ground if they don't? How does that make any sense? I thought Christians were supposed to set an example?

In light of all this, how can I be funny? In a thread such as that how can I offer to be entertaining? I feel increasingly uncomfortable just sharing about myself, to such a degree that I have started clamming up rather than opening up. I don't feel that I can talk about the issues that may come up in my life. I get the feeling that I should just walk away, because I end up getting irritated and saying things that people get offended over. I end up not setting an example myself and that is not right. My humor is a part of me. Why offer that up so people can slam that too?

Do you see what I am saying? If the thread is an easy going one and there are people I feel comfortable with in there I can crack a joke with them. Other than that, though....I don't think it's going to happen. As it is, people here get far too easily offended. I feel they need to grow a thicker skin. So, I must watch every little thing I say and dot every i, cross every t. Until things change I believe I will end up in my shell, attempting to watch every little thing I say and being wary at every turn, with every response, in every thread.

 

[SirKenin]

Haha, good one; and there's your sense of humor, SirKenin!

Well I'll be chiggered.

 

[MusicalProgrammer]

I have to feel comfortable. I don't feel proud.... but I don't feel comfortable either. I don't feel joy very much either when reading most of this drivel as I call it. When I read all this nonsense I don't know whether to laugh at it or cry. It is such a challenge to learn who to ignore and who to talk to. It shouldn't be like this. I thought Christians were supposed to be above all this. How could I be so wrong? How is it that my homosexual/bisexual/bicurious/lifestyle friends are far easier to talk to, far more tolerant of others and not calling them names or belittling them for not thinking the way they do? How is it that they aren't throwing the book at people and Christians here are? Why is it they that assume you can either take it or leave it and don't pummel people into the ground if they don't? How does that make any sense? I thought Christians were supposed to set an example?

I understand where you're coming from; not so much on this message board (I haven't been here long enough), but from daily interactions with others. I used to have the same reaction: to introvert myself. However, over time, I realized that it is the same inherent sinfulness of man that causes these (usually) pride-driven reactions. Jesus's parable about the mote in your brother's eye is quite fitting, as well as Paul's repeated testimony in Romans, particularly in verse 14:13, where he says:

Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.

I don't know if these condemnations have caused you to stumble in any way, but it sounds like it's certainly affected you, and I know from personal experience how wearing it can get. Yes, there will be hypocrites and such, but we need to uphold the faith by not backing down from our own conviction and letting the love instilled by the Holy Spirit shine through.

Regarding "tolerance," it is important to note the distinction between tolerance and love. Tolerance is born out of a hedonistic attitude of "well, it's ok if it's good for self, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else"; the people who believe in it are usually not "tolerant" of Christians because of the clash of logic, whereas love is the desire and concern to help your fellow brothers and sisters find salvation and shed the myths of the old sinful nature.

In all honesty, it makes me sad to hear something like that from a fellow brother in Christ, because it is exactly the opposite of the "Good News" is about, and as Christians, it is often the "judgement" that indeed poses a stumbling block.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread, so perhaps we can discuss elsewhere if you would like?

 

[kidsminister]

We're always laughing at something. We even got the giggles at the altar

Glad to know we weren't the only ones!!

Humor is a HUGE part of my marriage...

 

[SirKenin]

Anyway, I don't want to hijack this thread, so perhaps we can discuss elsewhere if you would like?

Yeah, I don't want to hijack it either, although I really, really appreciate that both you and seebs understand where I am coming from. There must be a suitable board on here where we can brainstorm these ideas. Do any come to mind?

 

[MusicalProgrammer]

Yeah, I don't want to hijack it either, although I really, really appreciate that both you and seebs understand where I am coming from. There must be a suitable board on here where we can brainstorm these ideas. Do any come to mind?

I posted in the "Deeper Fellowship" section on the "Edification" board here:

http://www.christianforums.com/t1513671-pride-a-stumbling-block.html

 

[SirKenin]

I posted in the "Deeper Fellowship" section on the "Edification" board here:

http://www.christianforums.com/t1513671-pride-a-stumbling-block.html

I'll wander over there. Thanks man.

 

[heartnsoul]

There is nothing here to incite the humor in me. Baseless rules, factless drivel, nonsense about masturbation, mating, marriage, courting, meeting partners and so much more without any basis in solid fact, or out of context Bible passages or literalist extremism doesn't do anything for me but aggravate me and frustrate me. I came here to be inspired by fellow brothers and sisters. I am anything but. I am becoming more turned off by organized religion now than I ever was before I got here.

If you want to see my humorous side, you have to earn it. If I don't respect you, or much less like you, there isn't much of a chance that I am going to tell you the story of Jesus, Moses and an old man playing golf. I don't even feel comfortable opening up about who I truly am, much less the select few details I want you to know. Even what you do know, as a collective you're judgemental and try to hammer me full of rules, calling me names if I don't buy into your reasoning. I am member of a fantastic non-christian lifestyle board that is far more understanding and empathetic and treats each other far more decently and far less judgementally than what I see here. What's wrong with this picture?

So, the question I ask you is this. On one hand, you seek to be uplifted, inspired and motivated in the ways of Christ. You seek to reach out to fellow Christians. You seek to dialogue and open your mind, rather than close it. On the other hand you get harassed, flamed, belittled, berated, painted into a box, judged, compartmentalized and burdened with baseless rules. Which is the easier one to smile at? To be amicable towards? To joke around with and share the good times? I tell you the truth, it's an easy decision for me.

If you want to see the better side of me and the real me, you have to earn it, but the more I see the more I crawl inside my shell. There are people here that know what I am like, but they are a select few. They know because I respect them or like them. They know because I let them know, and they like what they see.

I won't drag your thread off topic, so I'm going to leave it at that, but you asked, so I told you the truth as I always do.

If this gets censored, frankly I give up.

Hi SirKenin,
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings about things here on the CF. I do understand how you feel. If I had to guess, a lot of people here do not feel comfortable sharing their innermost private feelings and thoughts. It's difficult to be vulnerable because you're right--some people could end up being judgmental. Also, by nature of different personalities, some people who are too conservative will clash with people who are too liberal. So that in itself is a real challenge to deal with. I considerate myself a moderate conservative so it's hard to be totally 100% tolerant of people with opposite views from mine. I don't have the answer to your question. We all struggle with what you just described. I guess I'm thinking that maybe with a little "humor" --it's that humor that could possibly break the ice and get everyone to warm up to each other. I don't know. That's a tough one.

But then again, humor could offend some people too especially if they don't have the same sense of humor. So, I just don't know. Well, hopefully in time, we can all get along as well as learn and grow from each other. I think that's the power of this CF. It's the fellowshipping and interaction (positive AND negative) that helps all of us to grow closer to Christ. God can even use these negative experiences to help us grow "thicker skin." My husband use to always tell me that I need to grow "thicker skin." Well, now he hasn't said it lately because my skin has grown thicker. No wrinkles yet, just thicker!!

 

[SirKenin]

Hi SirKenin,
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings about things here on the CF. I do understand how you feel. If I had to guess, a lot of people here do not feel comfortable sharing their innermost private feelings and thoughts. It's difficult to be vulnerable because you're right--some people could end up being judgmental. Also, by nature of different personalities, some people who are too conservative will clash with people who are too liberal. So that in itself is a real challenge to deal with. I considerate myself a moderate conservative so it's hard to be totally 100% tolerant of people with opposite views from mine. I don't have the answer to your question. We all struggle with what you just described. I guess I'm thinking that maybe with a little "humor" --it's that humor that could possibly break the ice and get everyone to warm up to each other. I don't know. That's a tough one.

But then again, humor could offend some people too especially if they don't have the same sense of humor. So, I just don't know. Well, hopefully in time, we can all get along as well as learn and grow from each other. I think that's the power of this CF. It's the fellowshipping and interaction (positive AND negative) that helps all of us to grow closer to Christ. God can even use these negative experiences to help us grow "thicker skin." My husband use to always tell me that I need to grow "thicker skin." Well, now he hasn't said it lately because my skin has grown thicker. No wrinkles yet, just thicker!!

You're welcome and no problem. I think that honesty is the best policy, and I also think that if you don't have a skin then I don't want you to read this post or any others that I write (if you're pushing the report button already, this means you).

There is something wrong when I don't open up. Something seriously wrong. I am not shy about my life. If you don't like the way I live it, too bad. I don't care. I can handle just about anything. After what I have been through in life, and after running a chatroom for two years and putting up with everything under the sun, and considering the things I have done in life and the things I talk about anywhere else I can handle just about anything. I have a very thick skin. Very little offends me.

However, when I can't write a post in here without someone running off crying because it mentions "prudes" or they get all huffy about a pair of boobies or whatever, I shake my head in disbelief. When people start throwing the book at people, judging them, calling them names, compartmentalizing them, dissecting them, demeaning them, hammering them with baseless rules, factless "drivel" and literalism and belittling them on a CHRISTIAN BOARD of all places, the LAST place I thought I would go to see this, I'm going "Holy jeepers man, this is nuts."

I am a centrist, but it is starting to seem that there is no room for centrist beliefs in the Marriage Ministry at Christian Forums. I look at things logically. I look at them with an open mind. I consider how I run my relationship and how I would expect to be treated. I have the type of relationship that most of you would slam into the ground in a heartbeat, so I don't even share it with you. Even what you do know the collective hammers on mercilessly.

Then you want me to be funny? What is there to laugh at? It is enough for me that some have penetrated the excessively thick skin that I have and driven me to drink. It is enough of a trick to try and remain calm, cool and collected and try to learn to just shut my mouth and bite my tongue as opposed to fearing the collective wrath. If I don't, it's me that's going to hear about it and it's not worth it. Funny how that works.

Besides, I don't think there is anything they won't get offended about. I could tell a joke about just about anything and at least half a dozen people are going to get offended over it. There is such a wide range of people here and so many that try to apply the Bible to everything from toilet paper to asking a girls person for their hand in marriage to the game of golf to what positions they use during sex. I think any joke that is come up with will go over like a porkchop at a Jewish wedding and will just incite more bitterness.

So, I don't feel comfortable talking about my own personal relationship. I don't feel comfortable sharing my humor. I guess I really have to be careful, don't I. If you noticed in the last bit I am very carefully watching what I say (apart from letting my irritability show through), because I really do feel that I have something to contribute, I just have to watch what I say and how I say it. I'll just keep everything that makes up me to myself and guard those details with my rottweiller. Back off!! Get your own rottweiller!!

 

[lin1235]

There is such a wide range of people here and so many that try to apply the Bible to everything from toilet paper to asking a girls person for their hand in marriage to the game of golf to what positions they use during sex. I think any joke that is come up with will go over like a porkchop at a Jewish wedding and will just incite more bitterness.

I hear what you're saying SirKenin, and I respect your point of view on this. However, I do think it's a choice to interpret people this way.

What I see when I read most of these posts is people earnestly seeking to be Godly in every single aspect of their lives, including proposals and leisure and sex. And while you're absolutely right that we condemn too easily and have resorted to name-calling in a number of instances, I think it's wonderful that there are still Christians who really seek God's will for all they do, not only the "spiritual" parts of their lives.

I believe that God has an opinion on all aspects of our lives. Sure, our attempts to find that opinion may not always be cause for humor, but I think many of us are more sincere than you give us credit for.

 

[DaBronx]

That's an interesting thought. If I had to guess, Jesus laughed like us humans do. He probably laughed at innocent jokes though.

Yes, I'm sure...Can you imagine? But you know how we tend to laugh at people when they trip or spill food on themselves? Did Jesus laugh if a disciple had food stuck in his beard? Or would that be wrong? Not to trivialize the purpose of our Lord's visit to this rotten place but...

I would love to know if He made jokes...made people laugh...He is depicted in The Bible as such a serious Man, I would have loved to know about His lighter side...
Guess, I'm so in love with Him that I want to know ALL about Him, ya know?

Anyway...Have a fun, laughter-filled day!

Blessings in Christ,
Lorry

 

[Dim]

Yes, I'm sure...Can you imagine? But you know how we tend to laugh at people when they trip or spill food on themselves? Did Jesus laugh if a disciple had food stuck in his beard? Or would that be wrong? Not to trivialize the purpose of our Lord's visit to this rotten place but...

I would love to know if He made jokes...made people laugh...He is depicted in The Bible as such a serious Man, I would have loved to know about His lighter side...
Guess, I'm so in love with Him that I want to know ALL about Him, ya know?

Anyway...Have a fun, laughter-filled day!

Blessings in Christ,
Lorry

God gave us a sense of humor right? Laughter is good natural medicine.

 

[SirKenin]

I hear what you're saying SirKenin, and I respect your point of view on this. However, I do think it's a choice to interpret people this way.

What I see when I read most of these posts is people earnestly seeking to be Godly in every single aspect of their lives, including proposals and leisure and sex. And while you're absolutely right that we condemn too easily and have resorted to name-calling in a number of instances, I think it's wonderful that there are still Christians who really seek God's will for all they do, not only the "spiritual" parts of their lives.

I believe that God has an opinion on all aspects of our lives. Sure, our attempts to find that opinion may not always be cause for humor, but I think many of us are more sincere than you give us credit for.

It's not my choice. Don't get me wrong. I don't choose the select people at CF to be or see them this way. In my picture perfect little world I want everyone to be this happy, joyous family that I pictured CF to be the day I signed up. That is why I did a Google search for "christian forums" and that is why I ended up here. I sought after encouragement. Love. Compassion. Uplifting companionship. Enlightenment. Fellowship. I wanted to get away from the retardedness I had seen on another forum where they were grovelling around in their own filth. Literally. Fortunately the greatest majority of the filth does not exist here, which is a big relief. That forum was really bad and I should not have stayed there as long as I did.

God does not have an opinion on all aspects of our lives, and that is where I am running into the problem here. God gives us free will and a lot of room to move. The problem is when people take that interpretation and run with it, attempting to limit everyone else to their same narrow-minded belief structure. That is where the conflict arises. There are a lot of things not specified in the Bible for very good reason. We are free to make our own choices. That is not a license for a select few to hammer on the rest their individual preferences. If they want to live in a box, that's one thing. They don't have to force everyone else into conforming.

People have this narrow minded interpretation from taking the text literally and not studying the original Greek texts and their meanings and doing the appropriate research on the internet or in books. They twist things out of shape and assume because they handle their relationships in a staunch, uptight fashion that everyone else has to too. I simply cannot believe some of the stuff I have read. I have very demanding expectations from a partner, and it is not most women that can live up to them, but my goodness. Even I, with my unusual way of doing things, would not treat my wife or girlfriend in such a fashion. My partner is my pride and joy. She is a gift that needs to be treasured, cherished, loved and respected. I love my partner very much. She is my life. She deserves the very best life has to offer and freedom to be herself is very high on this list.

These points are where I get irritated and upset. It permeates my skin and I get grouchy. When I get grouchy I say things I regret. I am a very blunt person and sometimes I can take it to an extreme. I can't joke when I'm choked. It's all I can do to keep from telling the person to get a life. I know I should not get irritated. I know it simply is not the right thing to do to tell the person off, especially in a public foray. I know it's absolutely the wrong thing to do, but sometimes I can't help myself. Normally I am pretty good at staying calm, but geez. Sometimes I can get a little excitable when I am in the right mood.

Anyways, is it Me, or did things calm down in here the last day or two? I think they did, and I am really, really impressed. That puts me in a much lighter frame of mind. If things do calm down, maybe I will share what makes me tick. Maybe you will see things that you never thought possible, an alternative that you may never think could work. Maybe you will see that sense of humor that puts a smile on my partner's face (or makes her groan). In the meantime, Zeus is a pretty big Rottweiller. lol

 

[SirKenin]

Oh by the way, I just thought of something. People attempting to apply the Bible to everything from how you go to the bathroom to how you get married remind me of something... Mormonism. Heh. Take that for what it's worth.

 

[heartnsoul]

Get your own rottweiller!!

No thank you. I got dogs of my own. We have pitbulls!!! They're disciplined and they're cuties!

 

[heartnsoul]

Zeus is a pretty big Rottweiller. lol

You got a very good-looking dog! I'd post pics of my dogs but I'll probably mess up on attaching the photos.

 

[constance]

Hehehe....

The only time my husband doesn't appreciate it is when I burst out laughing at unromantic moments...

Constance

 

[SirKenin]

No thank you. I got dogs of my own. We have pitbulls!!! They're disciplined and they're cuties!

My dog is disciplined too. He understands "are you hungry?" quite well. Ever seen a 130lb dog jump clear off the floor?

 

[SirKenin]

You got a very good-looking dog!

Thank you I love him to pieces, the spoiled brat. Even when he poops all over My shop and I step in it. grrrr

 

[Utah Knight]

it has to be in mine