Is Honesty really the best policy??

[Liselle]

Ok, I'm not certain where I should have posted this, but this seemed like as good a place as any.

I was married a LOOOOOONG time ago when I was 18 years old. It lasted about a year. The relationship was doomed from the get go and we both knew it. Anyway, I haven't seen or heard from my first ex in many, many years. All of a sudden I get a message from him on MySpace.

My question is this...should I tell my boyfriend that I've heard from him? If I don't I know I'll feel like I'm keeping a secret, and I'll feel guilty even if I've done nothing. If I tell him, am I telling him because it's no big deal to me, and I'm just shocked and surprised after all these years, or am I telling him to keep myself accountable and out of trouble?

I was raised to believe that honesty is the best policy, but some people are telling me that I don't have to share EVERYTHING about my life. I tend to do that anyway. I'm a freakin' open book...lol

So....help!!

 

[Princess Pea]

How are you planning to respond to your ex husband, and how serious are things with your boyfriend? And what was his intention in contacting you? Was he just saying hi, or does he want to try to pick things up again?

Either way, it probably wouldn't hurt to mention it to your boyfriend. "Hey, guess who discovered my myspace account today ... my ex husband. I was pretty surprised ... I thought he'd never want to talk to me again." I don't have a myspace account, but the messages people leave there can be seen by anyone who goes to your page, right? If so, it's neither a secret nor a big deal, but it's probably better for your BF to hear about it from you than to discover it himself. If that happens, he might think you are trying to keep it a secret and then there could be problems - does that make sense?

 

[harmmony]

Is your relationship serious and important to you? Then you should say. What would happen if later on your BF found out you hadn't told him, he would then seriously wonder WHY you hadn't told him, what are you hiding, if it was really no big deal?? Plus, think about like this, change positions with him, would you want him to tell you?

What's wrong with being accountable, and avoiding any possible future problems, by being honest now? Maybe you don't have to share everything, depends what stage your relationship is in - but I would urge you to share this. And if you aren't sure about him, his reaction to you telling him will tell you something about the man he is.

 

[Liselle]

Things are very serious with my b/f, I think. I love him very much and I hope that we will get married, if he asks me. We've been together for almost a year and a half. I don't want to get back with my ex, as in EVER. He hurt me pretty bad. I think that it was just a "ooh, look, I found you on myspace, and thought I'd say hi" kinda thing. Said he found his yearbook after moving and thought, "what the heck" lol

That's what I was thinking, that if I didn't tell and he found out later, that it would be very detrimental to the relationship. I definitely have nothing to hide. I'm highly shocked that ex DID even bother to look me up.

 

[javaluver]

honesty is ALWAYS the best policy!

 

[Chaan Stines]

Wouldn't it be better for your boyfriend to find out about it straight from you, rather than some other way?

 

[OhhJim]

Are you afraid your boyfriend will react negatively? If so, isn't now a good time to find out how he reacts to this sort of thing?

 

[Liselle]

Well, I told him and I guess all is ok. He thinks that my ex (since he's divorced and all) is coming back to familiar surroundings and maybe see if we can hook up. But that won't happen.

So, I'm glad I mentioned it.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

If I were you, I would tell your boyfriend and block your ex, if at all possible.

 

[ChrisCountryGirl]

Yeah, I would say something to your BF & I would avoid talking to you ex even though you're not planning on ever getting back together

 

[Blank123]

its up to you. If this is something you think your BF should know for whatever reason, tell him. If he loves and trusts you he shouldn't react negatively to the fact that it was your ex that got back in touch with you.

keeping your ex at a distance would probably be a good idea though.

 

[Liselle]

Well, I just heard back from my ex, and he apologized for the whole thing. Took full responsibility for everything that happened 18 years ago. I told him he had my forgiveness, but that I'm finally happy, and I want the past to stay in the past.

 

[mwb]

I'm late on this but I'd tell the boyfriend & ignore the ex.

A good rule about these kinds of situations is if you can't tell your boyfriend/spouse about someone, it's probably wrong.