"I don't sense an abundant life, or peace with such lifestlye but....depression and deep inside an urge for rebellion."
Well here is your problem. Your rules are not from God, where in the Bible does it say, you cannot go to an amusement park? Your rules are not from God because they are leading you away from God, they are causing you to get angry and bitter towards Christianity.
Revelation 22:18 "I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book."
Matthew 15:9 "They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men."
Matthew 23:24 "You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel."
Romans 2:25 "Circumcision has value if you observe the law, but if you break the law, you have become as though you had not been circumcised."
Tituse 1:15 "To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted."
James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
In the gospel Jesus had eaten with sinners and tax collectors. He did not stay home and cry and fast all day, he went and ate with them. He taught them and talked to them and had fellowship with people. He healed the sick and crippled people, he gave them good news, Jesus was about helping the common people, he was about helping those sheep who needed a shepherd, someone to love them and watch over them and protect them. They were not perfect people, many of them committed crimes and charged too much money and maybe were just not the nicest people in general.
Now if you could endure your lifestyle and you worked hard to help people then good for you! But if your getting so angry and upset like your ready to just forget about God and get really bitter and upset then stop, because what your doing is counterintuitive.
Romans 7:10 "I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death."
Romans 7:24 "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?"
Romans 7:25 "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
So to answer your question, all these things your doing are not needed. Do you want some simple rules to follow? Here you go, follow these rules.
Acts 15:19 "It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God."
Acts 15:28 "It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements:"
Acts 15:29 "You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things. Farewell."
So if someone is offering food to an idol, don't eat it.
Don't eat really bloody food I guess, just drain it out then eat it
Don't play around with lustful thoughts of sexual sin, keep yourself in check
Also this is good to follow as well.
Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets."
Try not to only think about yourself, consider and think about how other people feel too, if you get mad and blow up and sock someone in the face, or just insult or slander or speak against people, they got feelings too. Or even if you just go around saying life is not worth living, just try to get that out of your head and be forgiving of others as God is forgiving of you.
Also even in the book of Kings there was a prophet who wanted to die because things were very tough for him I guess
1 Kings 19:4 "while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.”
Jonah 4:9 "But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?" "I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die."
I mean Moses got mad, alot of prophets did, Jesus said to God,
Matthew 27:46 "About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice,
“Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
.
Jesus Christ was blameless, there is nothing wrong with telling God your concerns, Jeremiah had complaints in his book. If you feel your under alot of burden or pressure, pray to God.
Matthew 11:30 "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Just try to consider what you are struggling so much for, and also try to make it more efficient.
For example if you really want to live very purely with the help of God, then pray to him about it and if your feeling depressed then go to the beach or just hang out with some friends and talk to them about your depression and ask them for some support, find a hobby to help you calm down, there are many things you can do that are not sinning, it is simply taking care of your needs. It is logic, the thing to understand however is this:
Matthew 4:4 "Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."
Also even when bad things happen remember this!
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."