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Is Eloping an Option?

Discussion in 'Engagement and Wedding' started by Arielle Hernandez, Mar 7, 2021.

  1. Arielle Hernandez

    Arielle Hernandez Tesoro

    United States
    Hello everyone! Before I go into the actual question, here is some context.

    I am currently 19 and engaged to the most amazing man of God I have ever met. Just to touch on his character, he is caring, loyal, encouraging, God-fearing, and we have very similar interests and goals. We courted each other for a year and some before he proposed, and we have been engaged for a few months now. Both of our families love each other and us, and we love them and are blessed by their love and support for us and our relationship. However, with all this in mind, we've stumbled upon a bit of a problem.

    I'm currently enrolled in college on a nearly full-ride scholarship. Both me and my fiance have agreed that I am to finish school and that I should focus on getting a degree out of respect for myself and everyone who helped to get me where I am. The problem with that is, because of the nature of my scholarship and because there is no marital housing on campus, getting married legally would force me to forfeit my scholarship and I would not be able to pay for schooling otherwise. We planned to get married at the end of this year, but with this new development, we don't have many options. We could just wait it out for another 3 years, but if I'm being honest, we are both lusting, and we both feel that it would be very difficult for us to wait that long without the privilege of being committed in a godly marriage. It's not impossible, of course, but it's not a challenge that we are particularly willing to take on.

    The other option, as I've heard, is eloping. Not in the sense of running away from family and friends or our church community, but in the sense of having a small wedding ceremony with family, friends, and God as our witness, but without the paperwork until later, when I have graduated or when paying for school is not a concern. I would understand if this is not a good option, or if it would be a sin to get married without being legally bound by the government, but it's all we can really think of to do without suffering a long engagement, falling into temptation, or losing my scholarship. If anyone has any advice or knows if there is anything on this topic in the Bible, I could really use some wisdom.

    Thank you.
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  2. Arielle Hernandez

    Arielle Hernandez Tesoro

    United States
    That's a fair point. Lust isn't a big problem between us, and I'd say we've been handling it well so far, I just hoped there might have been a possible way for us to marry so we wouldn't have to deal with it for so long. Thank you for the advice though, it's definitely something for us to think about.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2021
  3. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    What a bad situation you are in, and it just seems wrong to me what they are doing to you.

    Whether I think it's wrong or not, the main problem is, we are to obey the laws of the land, so in this case, I have to think they have good reason for their rules, but either way, they should be followed.

    Romans 13:1 Obey the government, for God is the one who has put it there. There is no government anywhere that God has not placed in power. 2 So those who refuse to obey the laws of the land are refusing to obey God, and punishment will follow.
  4. bèlla

    bèlla ⭐️ Supporter

    United States
    While I empathize with your circumstances I can’t encourage deceit and fraud. You would be lying to the school and government. If discovered you may be expected to repay all scholarship and federal money wrongly received and prohibited from additional funding.

    Your parents would need to go along and continue to claim you as a dependent in spite of the marriage. And your spouse would file as single for the duration of your education as would you.

    I would speak to a financial aid counselor and look for alternative funding. Pray for insight and wisdom. Don’t compromise your faith and character or ask others to do the same.

    Yours in His Service,

    Last edited: Mar 8, 2021
  5. Elliewaves

    Elliewaves Untouchable internet saint

    What sort of scholarship is based on marital status? Is it because they require you to live on campus? First, you shouldn't deceive anyone just to get money for school. Talk to the scholarship dept. , talk with financial aid, etc... See if they will allow you to live off campus and pay for your own housing. If you are adult enough to marry, then you are adult enough to support your own living arrangements.
  6. Grumman Tomcat

    Grumman Tomcat ✡Messianic✞ Staff Member Administrator CF Staff Trainer Supporter

    United States
    If you are married you should not be posting in this forum. This forum is for Courting Couples.