Is dating worth it?

[Sinner and a saint]

So lately I've been contemplating whether or not to date. I'm not yet ready to get married. But I've kind of been considering it. I haven't really dated at all yet.

My main question is this; is it worth it? I'm looking at the positives and the negatives and I'm not sure. On one hand it would be fun, a new experience and might lead to something serious. But on the other hand it might mean I wouldn't be able to be as close friends with a bunch of girls that I'm currently friends with, it would cost me more money, I wouldn't be able to just causally flirt with girls in good conscience.

Maybe I'll just wait and if the right gal comes along then I'll just go for it. And hopefully I'll be able to glorify God through it all. Any advice or different view points would be much appreciated!

 

[Luther073082]

I think dating is fine for you as long as you are dating with the intention of looking for a potential marriage partner and not "just for the fun of it."

You don't have to be ready to get married right now, but you have to be considering marriage as a future possibility and looking for the right person for that.

I think a big rule when you are not feeling like you are ready to get married now is to date people and look for people who are in a similar life stage as you. For example if you are a sophmore in college and you don't really want to get married until after you graduate. . . look for and date women who are in similar circumstances. You might want to be hesistant to date someone who's a senior because she might be wanting and ready to be married in a year from now while you are thinking 2 or 3 years.

Likewise you probably might not want to date someone who's like a senior in high school. (The age thing makes it a little questionable anyways) but also because by the time you graduate she will be still 2 years away from her graduating and thats a good while to be waiting.

As far as dating I think its a good thing as long as its done. . .

A. In a Christian manner, avoiding sexual sins and with the intention of finding an eventual marriage partner.

B. You both have some maturity to you, enough to know that relationships arn't all about you.

It can be good.

A word about female friends, there will probably be some added distance but how much will depend on the person you are dating. For the most part I think opposite sex friends can get in the way of a relationship if you are accustomed to going out with just you and that friend or you with a bunch of girls. If you have a group of friends which includes guys and girls and you all go out together or something its less awkward, especially if the person you are dating is brought along.

 

[Created2Write]

I am a big believer in waiting to date until you're ready to get married. Emotionally you need to understand what commitment is and be ready to make such commitment. You need to be mature enough to have a fight and not break up because of it. You need to be able to communicate effectively, and be willing to put yourself last in the relationship.

All of the relationships I had prior to graduating high school were awful. Pointless. The only relationship I had that was worth anything, was the one I had with the man who is now my husband. Is dating worth it? Absolutely, if you're with the right person.

Also, you don't need to be out of college to get married. In fact, as a married person in college, you can sometimes qualify for more grants and scholarships because you won't be under your parent's income. I'm currently in college and married, and my husband and I have a great marriage. Sure, at times it's financially stressful, but it's financially stressful for people who are graduated and have a job too.

I'm not saying, "You should get married while in college!" Just that college doesn't have to be a reason to postpone marriage if you meet the right girl and want to get married.

 

[irrationality72]

So lately I've been contemplating whether or not to date. I'm not yet ready to get married. But I've kind of been considering it. I haven't really dated at all yet.

My main question is this; is it worth it? I'm looking at the positives and the negatives and I'm not sure. On one hand it would be fun, a new experience and might lead to something serious. But on the other hand it might mean I wouldn't be able to be as close friends with a bunch of girls that I'm currently friends with, it would cost me more money, I wouldn't be able to just causally flirt with girls in good conscience.

Maybe I'll just wait and if the right gal comes along then I'll just go for it. And hopefully I'll be able to glorify God through it all. Any advice or different view points would be much appreciated!

Two words: casual dating.

Before you look at me in disgust (as many Christians would), consider this definition of casual dating: "A casual date is an evening, a meal, or a get-together of some kind in which there is no expectation of further commitment on either side. Although one side may desire a further relationship, it is understood that both parties are free to sample the company of each other and are as equally free to terminate any sense of relationship as well."

Now is that so bad? No it's actually quite liberating. You would -still- be able to keep your female friends close. And you could still casually flirt as you please. Just date here and there before you decide who you want to be closer to, who you want to commit to. It's fun, and you get to know whoever you're dating a lot better. Plus, it also helps you to discover what you would like and dislike in a future mate. You also have no real chance of getting hurt, because you don't have that big commitment. Casual dating is drama-free and doesn't wreck friendships like some boyfriend/girlfriend relationships do when they end. One word of advice though: if you take this route do not rush the physical aspect of the relationship. Common sense dictates that if you're on a date with one person one week and with another the next, you should not be messing around physically with either person. That just sets you up for a lot of drama. lol

In my opinion, you're more likely to find a good, quality boyfriend/girlfriend if you date a handful of people and just choose who you're most compatible with. It's much better than not exploring your options at all then committing to someone before even really dating them. That often lands you in a relationship where you're stuck with a person who drives you crazy, and they end badly.

Oh and another tip: date a few people you're already friends/acquaintances with. It's funner, you're more relaxed, and you see a side of them you never really saw before. Who knows, you might fall in love.

That's what happened to me.

 

[Created2Write]

To an extent, I agree with the above advice. My husband and I weren't actually boyfriend and girlfriend until we'd gone on two dates and communicated back and forth through myspace and texting. Friendship, next to mutual beliefs, is the most important aspect of a successful relationship. Looks will fade one day. The super ripped body will fade(male or female). Talents will fade, humor will change. The only thing that really, truly lasts through the years is a solid friendship with someone you respect.

However, even in though my husband and I weren't "dating" until after we'd already gone on a couple of dates, we weren't dating other people at the same time. That is the issue I have with casual dating. I would not have actually chosen to be his girlfriend if I'd found out he'd gone on a date with another girl the following night. It would have been a complete and total deal breaker for me. I find it disrespectful to go on a date with someone and then go on another date with someone else afterwards with the excuse that you're not in a relationship so it's not cheating.

Asking someone on a date, imo, is an implication that you are interested in being more than friends. That takes commitment. Casual dating doesn't display commitment, imo. It works for some people I guess, but imo(especially as Christians) we shouldn't look for the easiest road. Making a relationship work is difficult. If you're looking for the easiest road to a relationship, you'll be disappointed later when you realize it's not an easy thing to maintain. And, speaking from experience here, when I finally realized my way was not the best way and became willing to work a little harder, I found a man who was worthy of my attention. And now we've been married for almost two years.

You're sixteen. I can say that even though I dated at sixteen, I was way to young to be in a relationship. You'd be surprised how much you change from sixteen to twenty. (I was twenty when I began to date my husband.) My advice is not to rush things. The right girl is out there. Relationships that don't work out break your spirit more than most other things. My husband and I are still getting over baggage we both brought to the relationship, and we didn't have that many relationships prior to our own.

 

[chocoberries]

I'd say dating is worth it IF you have a long term view of it (ie. possibly looking for a potential marriage partner).

If it's just casual dating, 'a bit of fun', someone is going to get hurt and it really isn't worth the hassle. Either you'll get hurt or you'll feel the deep guilt of knowing you hurt someone else.

I think it's easier to find someone when you start off by hanging out as friends, then you can see what they're like generally. If you like the person a few months into the friendship, maybe it would be a good idea to start dating, depending on the person of course. If you decide a few months into the friendship that you'd rather be friends, i'm guessing that would be less damaging than if you were casually dating.

That's my opinion anyway. Don't EVER date more than one girl at the same time. That is very heartless and pretty selfish!

 

[NaturallyGone]

So lately I've been contemplating whether or not to date. I'm not yet ready to get married. But I've kind of been considering it. I haven't really dated at all yet.

My main question is this; is it worth it? I'm looking at the positives and the negatives and I'm not sure. On one hand it would be fun, a new experience and might lead to something serious. But on the other hand it might mean I wouldn't be able to be as close friends with a bunch of girls that I'm currently friends with, it would cost me more money, I wouldn't be able to just causally flirt with girls in good conscience.

Maybe I'll just wait and if the right gal comes along then I'll just go for it. And hopefully I'll be able to glorify God through it all. Any advice or different view points would be much appreciated!

Yeah, it's worth it. Even if you've never dated anyone before, it's worth it. Through dating, you find out just what you are looking for in your relationship that will last the rest of your life (marriage).

 

[Lady Derelict Content]

One can date, providing boundaries are firmly agreed by both people from the outset. An evening out over a nice meal in some bijou restaurant, or watch a film and finish the evening with a hug and a peck on the cheek - why not? No need to be lonely just because dating is automatically assumed for romance. What happened to Platonic relationships?

 

[hannahnicole]

I've always believed in waiting to date until you're ready for marriage, but I don't believe this should be used as a "one size fits all" mentality. Like people above have said, dating itself is not the problem - it's the casualness and lack of long term commitment that leads to heartbreak. My advice is that while you're young, have lots of friends, hang out with a lot of different people and not look at everyone as a potential husband/wife. God will bring along the right person at the right time and you'll probably be glad that you saved your whole heart for her, rather than giving away little bits and pieces to other girls.

 

[E.C.]

I learned things from my ex-girlfriends that I would have never learned at any other time regardless of the fact that it "didn't work out" with them.

So, yes it is worth it.

 

[MacFall]

I really don't see how anything good can come of dating if you aren't planning to marry.

My advice: make friends and be a friend. If you have romance without having a sound relationship FIRST, you're building your house on awful shaky ground.

 

[Lady Derelict Content]

Oh, I dunno. If Francesco da Mosto came my way I'd jump him on sight.

I really don't see how anything good can come of dating if you aren't planning to marry.

My advice: make friends and be a friend. If you have romance without having a sound relationship FIRST, you're building your house on awful shaky ground.

 

[anaunJq]

first question is do you want to be lonely if you said no then yeah date and if it does come up about marriage let the person know first hand dont wait to tell them you're not ready when the time does come.

 

[firesoforion]

Is it worth it? I think so. I had this discussion with a friend of mine who hadn't dated and wanted to avoid dating, and she tried going the non dating route but wound up in the situation of not knowing what she wanted out of a life partner enough to know whether or not she'd even be happy with the person she wound up with, even though they'd gotten along well in the environment they'd known each other in (class, in this case). Dating would solve that problem, make her surer of her choice, and at the very least, provide her with information on what to look for in the future.

I'm not even sure that I'd say you have to only date with the intention of marrying; as I said, you learn from dates whatever happens. Dating is what you want it to be, and if you want it to be a way to meet people in a different context and environment, get the feel for that environment, and learn about yourself and what you value in another person, it's a pretty worthwhile activity.

I strongly believe that dating would not and should not prevent you being friends with your current (or even future) female friends. For me, I'd go as far as to say that if it comes down to the person you're dating versus your friends, that person is likely not going to fit well in your life and that's something that I wouldn't tolerate, whether or not those friends were girls (or guys, for the girls having the same question). Relationships should have a level of trust, and if they can't even trust you to be around your friends, that's too little trust.

So, that's my two cents.