Is communal prayer awkward?

[akmom]

Do married couples actually pray together?

My husband and I both pray, but on our own. We talk about spiritual issues together all the time. But it recently dawned on me that several devout older couples at our church, whom we really respect and whose marriages are good examples, talk about praying together. Like regularly. So I asked my husband, why don't we ever pray together? We decided that we were both very private people, and to us, prayer is private.

But I was thinking, if I talk to God freely, and I talk to my husband freely, and my husband talks about God freely and says he prays, then why wouldn't we be able to talk to God together? So I told him that I think we should start doing that, and he was on board.

Now we have often chosen scriptures to read together and discussed them as a couple, though we haven't stuck to a regular Bible study together, and it has always gone well. So I have no explanation for the incredible awkwardness that we felt when we started praying together. We stuck with it for awhile, because I thought maybe it seems awkward because it's new. But it continues to be really awkward. Like... I keep feeling like I'd rather just talk to God privately. And it's so weird because all the things I am compelled to pray about are things I talk about with my husband freely anyway. I was thinking maybe it was from my private school background, where we were forced to pray aloud as a group, and criticized by our teachers (spiritual mentors) for what we said, such that "group prayer" was anything but talking to God. It was reciting something that wouldn't result in embarrassing correction. It was a "show" for our teachers, and their reaction was all we were thinking about. But my husband doesn't have any such background, and he seems pretty awkward about it too. What are other couples' experiences and communal prayer habits?

 

[~Anastasia~]

I was going to ask if finding prayers to read in your praying together wouldn't maybe break the ice and help you both become more comfortable, but reading about your school, I wonder.

I pray formal prayers, but usually add my own prayers to them. It might be easier to pray extemporaneously after praying written prayers?

 

[~Anastasia~]

But I do know what you mean ... my private prayers are my PRIVATE prayers, and I don't share that. I never have. There is a distinction there, and for a long time it made me never want to pray with another person.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

Do married couples actually pray together?

My husband and I both pray, but on our own. We talk about spiritual issues together all the time. But it recently dawned on me that several devout older couples at our church, whom we really respect and whose marriages are good examples, talk about praying together. Like regularly. So I asked my husband, why don't we ever pray together? We decided that we were both very private people, and to us, prayer is private.

But I was thinking, if I talk to God freely, and I talk to my husband freely, and my husband talks about God freely and says he prays, then why wouldn't we be able to talk to God together? So I told him that I think we should start doing that, and he was on board.

Now we have often chosen scriptures to read together and discussed them as a couple, though we haven't stuck to a regular Bible study together, and it has always gone well. So I have no explanation for the incredible awkwardness that we felt when we started praying together. We stuck with it for awhile, because I thought maybe it seems awkward because it's new. But it continues to be really awkward. Like... I keep feeling like I'd rather just talk to God privately. And it's so weird because all the things I am compelled to pray about are things I talk about with my husband freely anyway. I was thinking maybe it was from my private school background, where we were forced to pray aloud as a group, and criticized by our teachers (spiritual mentors) for what we said, such that "group prayer" was anything but talking to God. It was reciting something that wouldn't result in embarrassing correction. It was a "show" for our teachers, and their reaction was all we were thinking about. But my husband doesn't have any such background, and he seems pretty awkward about it too. What are other couples' experiences and communal prayer habits?

Jesus is my example. He prayed alone.

"In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God." (Luke 6:12)

"And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed." (Mark 1:35)

 

[All4Christ]

Do married couples actually pray together?

My husband and I both pray, but on our own. We talk about spiritual issues together all the time. But it recently dawned on me that several devout older couples at our church, whom we really respect and whose marriages are good examples, talk about praying together. Like regularly. So I asked my husband, why don't we ever pray together? We decided that we were both very private people, and to us, prayer is private.

But I was thinking, if I talk to God freely, and I talk to my husband freely, and my husband talks about God freely and says he prays, then why wouldn't we be able to talk to God together? So I told him that I think we should start doing that, and he was on board.

Now we have often chosen scriptures to read together and discussed them as a couple, though we haven't stuck to a regular Bible study together, and it has always gone well. So I have no explanation for the incredible awkwardness that we felt when we started praying together. We stuck with it for awhile, because I thought maybe it seems awkward because it's new. But it continues to be really awkward. Like... I keep feeling like I'd rather just talk to God privately. And it's so weird because all the things I am compelled to pray about are things I talk about with my husband freely anyway. I was thinking maybe it was from my private school background, where we were forced to pray aloud as a group, and criticized by our teachers (spiritual mentors) for what we said, such that "group prayer" was anything but talking to God. It was reciting something that wouldn't result in embarrassing correction. It was a "show" for our teachers, and their reaction was all we were thinking about. But my husband doesn't have any such background, and he seems pretty awkward about it too. What are other couples' experiences and communal prayer habits?

We want to pray together more but tend to pray separately more often than not. That said, we plan to pray together often once we have them.

My parents have a really good way they pray together imho. They take a walk out in the woods together each morning with the so,e purpose of praying together for their family at that time. If they can't walk outside, they do the same inside. It's one of the first things they do each day.

 

[snoochface]

I find it very awkward. There have been a few times that my husband and I have prayed together, when we were in need, or I was fearful, or other more urgent things were in front of us - but when we did, he prayed out loud on our behalf, and I prayed silently. That works for us, but even then we have kept it brief.

I have never prayed out loud in front of other people. I am extremely uncomfortable with it. I feel like I am praying more for what other people are going to be hearing, rather than talking to God, which is the whole point of prayer. I also don't think prayer has to be full of flowery words, and eyes closed, and saying "God" or "Father" or "Jesus" 27 times in one sentence. I find it awkward to hear someone saying something like, "Oh John, I just love you so much John, so John I'm asking that you'll please be with us John, and thank you for your promises John, because we just love you so much John." Replace John with the God-word of your choice.

So I don't pray out loud. I am very private and my prayers are private. Sometimes they are longer and more concentrated, and sometimes they are just a passing, "This person really needs help, please meet their needs for them." But it's between me and God. My husband is the same way. We also have older married friends who are more comfortable with praying together, but I figure that is what works for them. This works for us, and I think God is okay with that.

 

[mkgal1]

I have never prayed out loud in front of other people. I am extremely uncomfortable with it. I feel like I am praying more for what other people are going to be hearing, rather than talking to God, which is the whole point of prayer. I also don't think prayer has to be full of flowery words, and eyes closed, and saying "God" or "Father" or "Jesus" 27 times in one sentence.

This is *exactly* how I feel. (It's good to know I'm not alone ). I also feel awkward about declining to pray out loud when it's expected of me (but not as awkward as doing it). :/

My husband and I used to be a part of a home church group--and we had a guy (who is very narcissistic) pray in that OTT and very flowery way and all I could think of while he was praying was the verse about praying in secret....this passage:

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their reward. 6 But when you pray, go in to your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not babble on like pagans, for they think that by their many words they will be heard."~Matthew 6

....and that's sort of stayed with me (as my justification).

 

[snoochface]

I try to tell people up front - for example, we just got into a new small group Bible study, and early on, I mentioned my aversion to out-loud prayer, and my reasons for it (more diplomatically than I stated in my earlier post). That usually does the trick. If I don't get the chance, or it's asked of me anyway, I've said, "Oh, thanks for asking, but I'd prefer if someone else would close us in prayer." People sometimes give me a funny look, but it's okay.

 

[snoochface]

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their reward. 6 But when you pray, go in to your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not babble on like pagans, for they think that by their many words they will be heard."~Matthew 6

....and that's sort of stayed with me (as my justification).

That is the exact scripture I go by as well!

 

[Dave-W]

Jesus is my example. He prayed alone.

"In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God." (Luke 6:12)

"And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed." (Mark 1:35)

That was in addition to corporate formal prayers:

Luke 4:16 And He came to Nazareth, where He had been brought up; and as was His custom, He entered the synagogue on the Sabbath, and stood up to read.

Our Lord's custom was to be in the synagogue every Sabbath. At that time the synagogue service consisted primarily of 3 corporate prayers, two of which were quite lengthy, (Kaddish, Amidah and Alenu) It also included reading portions of the Torah (5 books of Moses) and the Haftara (Prophetic scriptures) followed by a "drash" or teaching from the passages read.

Our Lord was no stranger to public prayer.

 

[Dave-W]

This is *exactly* how I feel. (It's good to know I'm not alone ). I also feel awkward about declining to pray out loud when it's expected of me (but not as awkward as doing it). :/

My husband and I used to be a part of a home church group--and we had a guy (who is very narcissistic) pray in that OTT and very flowery way and all I could think of while he was praying was the verse about praying in secret....this passage:

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their reward. 6 But when you pray, go in to your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not babble on like pagans, for they think that by their many words they will be heard."~Matthew 6

....and that's sort of stayed with me (as my justification).

With the operative word being "hypocrites."

In Judaism there is a term "kavanah" which means "intention" or "sincere feeling, direction of the heart." It is considered an absolute must in reciting rote prayers. If you keep your heart intent with the words you recite in a prayer, you will NOT be a hypocrite and therefore NOT like be like those our Lord warned about.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

It is awkward to pray together. Often we pray apart. To some degree because we are on two different schedules so we don't have time/make time. When we pray there are some things I don't pray about in front of her because they are between me and God. And for her she speaks her native tongue often times so I have no idea what she is praying for. Though people say those that pray together, stay together.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

With the operative word being "hypocrites."

In Judaism there is a term "kavanah" which means "intention" or "sincere feeling, direction of the heart." It is considered an absolute must in reciting rote prayers. If you keep your heart intent with the words you recite in a prayer, you will NOT be a hypocrite and therefore NOT like be like those our Lord warned about.

These ideas are connected? It appears from thew passage you responded to that the Lord explained what "hypocrites" looked like. Corporate recitation certainly should not be frowned on. I am more uncomfortable in church when there is corporate prayer, and the only voice I hear around me is my own. I stick out like a sore thumb.

But some of the responses here are not addressing "reciting rote prayers", but repeated words in prayer to lift up oneself, and for a display of righteousness.

 

[Blade]

Akmom.. we always need our alone time with God. But think of it like.. things in both your lifes you can be praying for and agreeing for. Family so forth so on. Maybe start small short. I mean..not like.. were doing this for 1h! haha but.. just a few mins at 1st.

Sis.. KNOW that JESUS IS REAL! KNOW He hears you! And is there. Dont go by how you FEEL SEE HEAR. We walk by faith. The joy.. will come. the awkward will go. Believe!

 

[mkgal1]

For me.....what's awkward is along the lines of what AKmom was saying: I feel judged on my own words more than I feel I can be sincere in actually praying to God (does that make sense?). I feel my "prayer" is more for those around me in that case (and it "feels" insincere because of how I'm distracted).

Most Episcopal and Anglican churches that I'm aware of have the prayers for the week written in the bulletin/program, so the corporate prayer is already written out (everyone is just reading aloud together). THAT I am a-okay with

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I should add its probably also awkward because we are always taught that you pray alone to God quietly. So praying with your spouse kind of goes against everything were taught. Just as with sex, many continue to think its bad even into marriage not realizing things change once married.

 

[evoeth]

I am an atheist and do not pray. My wife doesn't appear to pray, or tell me that she prays.

But we do sort of read the Bible together. She will read a chapter every day and we will often discuss it in the evening. I'm really excited that she's finally seeing the old testament as the bloody incoherent mess I've always told her it was.

The readings do make for a nice bonding experience.