Is being single, and able to handle it, a blessing?

prudent_commenter said:

@timewerx
In regards to reverse-aging. I've found a pattern last year. What month of the year are you born in?

Click to expand...

Let's just say I'm a Scorpio and I knew others born within the same month and one one within 7 days of the same month as I did and they're not aging in reverse.

Scorpios have a tendence to become introverts and I was for most of my life. The self-imposed isolation could be a factor but I've turned extrovert in the last few years. Tired of the isolation perhaps but it did not change my strange aging situation.

The other scorpios I knew are like anybody else, having lots of friends and spending lots of time with friends.

I have been single all of my life and it will probably stay that way.

Maybe it's because I've always been quite introverted and value my own space.

It's quite nice living in my own house with my own rules. No squabbling over the TV remote, or what I'm having for dinner!

prudent_commenter said:

We also need to define what is choice or forced. Last year I talked to some people that being single and having pets is not by choice. They cope with it, but don't embrace it. For some of these people, you take away their pets and they'll go insane. Yet they refuse to acknowledge that they cannot be alone.

To me, one that is meant to be alone is exactly this: alone, without helpers.

Click to expand...

I have no desire for a pet whatsoever. Not even a goldfish. Single people who have pets have them as a surrogate companion. Also single people and childless couples have a pet as a surrogate child. That's why they'll spend thousands of dollars on a vet bill and they grieve so badly when the pet dies.

prudent_commenter said:

Exactly.

I am seeing hypocrisy more and more everyday, but can't explain from where it is coming from.

Click to expand...

I'm not sure what you mean by hypocrisy. I do see contradiction. "I was meant to be alone, yet I can't stand being totally alone". In my case I want to be left alone. I'm not antisocial. But at the same time I'd rather not socialize. There are a lot of reasons why someone is solitary by nature. In my case I think the reason is neurological. Either autism or nonverbal learning disorder. Or something similar. Or perhaps a combination of similar neurological disorders. Put simply, I'm solitary by nature because that's how I'm wired. Now that I'm 63 I don't really care what the reason is. It just is what it is.

I've been alone most of my adult life. I am perfectly happy being alone. I don't feel the need to have companionship. I blame my formative years, and technology.

Formative Years

My parents were divorced before I was old enough to be self-aware. I grew up living with my mother, and going to visit my father every other weekend. My father had remarried. His second wife wasn't the motherly type, and almost seemed to resent my brother and I, and you could tell through her words and actions. My mother also remarried and was physically abused. We ended up going to an abuse shelter to get away from him, and then got into low income housing.

My mother's second husband ended up being verbally abusive toward me specifically, and this is what caused me to be introverted, as I was always being grounded. When I wasn't grounded I was outside on my bike, riding the neighborhood from morning to dusk. When I was grounded I was immersing myself in books and finding the simplest things to play with to keep from being bored.

The blame was shifted to me, and I was sent to a psychiatrist. I opened up to them about the abuse and the focus shifted from me to the marriage, and specifically the verbally abusive step dad. This led to us eventually moving out again, and the cycle repeated, we found ourselves back in low income housing.

The damage was done. I was an introvert, and I was perfectly happy to stay within myself. In fact, it was comfortable. It didn't mean I didn't talk to other kids, I did, but it meant that I was reserved and kept to myself.

In grade school I was constantly being bullied, so much so that I feared walking home from school every day. That constant fear, the fear of being yelled at when I got home, all of it was formative.

At age sixteen I moved in with my father, because I wanted his influence in my life. Up to this point I regularly attended church with my mother my whole childhood, but when I moved in with my father I left church behind.

My freshman and sophomore years of high school I became fascinated with computers, which would become a life-long thing. It was about this time that I started to take on some very strong opinions, based on my own experiences, and the way I saw society going. Broken homes, etc.

I had no interest in getting married or having kids, because of the state of what I was seeing around me, in my own family, and in what I observed in society. My high school sweetheart tried to reel me in, but I wasn't having it.

I decided that my junior and senior years would be spent at vocational school, so that I could have constant access to computers. I enrolled in an accounting class; the only lab that had computers. I became friends with two classmates and started to come out of my shell. From there it took a lot of years for me to "normalize". My high school friends became my adult friends after graduation, and we continued to do things together.

Hopefully this gives some perspective as to how a person can end up where I am.

Technology

I remember back when I was a freshman in high school, flipping through a Radio Shack catalog and thinking how wonderful it would be to own a computer. Finally, at age sixteen I worked a summer job and earned enough money to buy my first computer. I spent all of my spare time on it, learning everything I could.

I was fortunate enough to be hired my graduation year, and I worked toward what would be a thirty year career in telecommunications. This paralleled my computer hobby.

I have spent my adult life engrossed in all things computer. I watched as PC's became a household item, where before they were only for the nerds and geeks. I watched as cell phones became commonplace, which then led to smartphones and tablets.

Then I watched as smartphone technology turned people into introverts. Everywhere you looked people were staring at phones and tuning out life. A generation or two later, VHS and DVD have been replaced by the smartphone and tablet as the baby sitter of choice.

The very same thing I did in my bedroom when I was grounded, immersing myself in something to escape, is happening with smartphones and tablets. It's no wonder people want to live solitary lives. Technology disconnects you from reality. Sure, you can talk to people on technology, but it isn't a replacement for real human interaction.

Technology makes it easy to escape reality. It can become like a security blanket, even if you don't need a security blanket.

Pets

I have owned two pets in the last thirty years. I had a chihuahua that recently lived to age sixteen, but had to be put to sleep. I currently have a cat that is eleven years old. After the cat is gone I am done with pets. What I'm trying to say is I don't fit that mold, that I need pet companionship. I don't.

Today

I am retired and I still live alone. I am perfectly happy living a solitary life. I don't crave human companionship, but it is nice to get together with friends once in a while.

I could still get married and have kids if I wanted, but I don't want to.

I don't think of myself as broken, even though I am by and large a product of my environment, and of technology. I am no longer introverted like I used to be (I came out of my shell long ago), but I retain those positive things from it, like peace of mind and being happy with myself.

If anything, I've been overly cautious in relationships, because of my own experiences, and I have been very stringent on the standards I expect; which means the bar is high for any prospective companion. Being a Christian sets the bar even higher.

The way I saw society going back in the 80's has come to fruition. 2 Timothy 3:1-7 in a nutshell; prophecy being fulfilled, end of days and all of that (which I truly believe is the case).

Sure, it would be nice to have a special someone, but I don't go out of my way to look, nor do I feel the need to, as I am perfectly happy.

To answer the OP's question... Is it a blessing? I believe it is. Even though I may have missed out on marriage and kids, I count my blessings that I didn't allow myself to fall into that pattern of marriage/kids/divorce. I was living in sin in my dating life as it was (living in the world and not as a professed Christian). Now, as a Christian, and given hindsight, I have a much healthier perspective concerning relationships.

That's my experience and my view, being a life-long loner of sorts.

prudent_commenter said:

I meant, people saying one thing, but doing something else completely.

I'm more worried for those that can't handle it, but want the "freedom". The internet promotes this life style but it (conveniently) left out the fact that most cannot live this way.

Click to expand...

I see. Naturally I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It's not something one tries out. Either it comes naturally or it doesn't. It's interesting that it's being promoted, because the idea of someone living all alone used to be disturbing to most.