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Well I said: You can be sorry things didn't turn out right.Failure has not been ruled out, ".........if you did everything right but failed."
How can that be?
Well, you cannot please everyone.
"Sometimes you can do everything right...and still fail." -- Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
If you did everything right and still failed...do you own anyone an apology, even if your failure caused them injury?
When the answer to the questions "What could I have done better in the situation?" or "What did I do wrong in the situation?" is "Nothing."Is there a clear and real-world example in which this problem manifests itself? For the life of me, I can't think of one.
Philosophically, the crux of the problem here is conceptual in nature and hinges on whose concept of "doing it right" is acting as the authoritative moral metric by which we are evaluating the said situation.
When the answer to the questions "What could I have done better in the situation?" or "What did I do wrong in the situation?" is "Nothing."
Is an apology owed when nothing wrong was done?
The scenario that comes to mind is when your parent pays for your college, and you go. You get some awful illness, like mono or similar, and you failed your college semester. You did everything right: got a doctor’s note, medical withdrawal from the semester, etc. Do you need to apologize to your parent?Is there a clear and real-world example in which this problem manifests itself?
I think this gets to the point.The scenario that comes to mind is when your parent pays for your college, and you go. You get some awful illness, like mono or similar, and you failed your college semester. You did everything right: got a doctor’s note, medical withdrawal from the semester, etc. Do you need to apologize to your parent?
* * *
What is strange about this scenario is that it doesn’t rule out bad actions by the person you would be apologizing to. That’s the rub for me. Jesus Christ is the Savior of the World, but I don’t care what Skillet says, we’re not.
Let’s change up the scenario above. Let’s say my parent has emotionally abused me all my life and given me a case of CPTSD. They pay for my college, and I go. I fail out of college due to CPTSD symptoms. I did everything right: sought psychological help, got a medical withdrawal from the semester, established and used Christian my support network, used tools such as journaling and body exercises and tea to manage the symptoms, and I still failed. Do I need to apologize to my parent?
Answer: No. My parent might be out $13K for that botched semester, but it was their own fault. They deserve what they got.
Let’s take ozso’s scenario. What if the passenger who T-boned your car wasn’t a random bad driver, but the passengers’ crazy mad nephew who is infuriated because your passenger stole 13K from them? Do you really owe your passenger an apology?
Answer: No. Frankly your passenger owes you a new car!
With this in mind, I’m just going with no here. We’re human beings, with finite resources, and we are not responsible for what God does or other people’s sin.
It might very well hurt someone if it makes the wrong person appear to be responsible for the harm done.Giving an apology never hurt anyone.
A friend has cancer and doesn’t feel good. I go see him and say “I’m sorry you don’t feel good today”. Did I apologize for causing his pain or just to show empathy?It might very well hurt someone if it makes the wrong person appear to be responsible for the harm done.
You didn't apologize at all. Not every "I'm sorry" is an apology.A friend has cancer and doesn’t feel good. I go see him and say “I’m sorry you don’t feel good today”. Did I apologize for causing his pain or just to show empathy?
You are taking this way more seriously than it should. In my original post empathy was my motivation but even if we take this further there are still times that apologizing defuses situations. If you’ve been married for any amount of time (41 years for me) you know the value of this.You didn't apologize at all. Not every "I'm sorry" is an apology.
The same phrase, “I’m sorry,” carries two quite different meanings depending on intent and context:
Key distinction:
- Acknowledging Wrong (Apology)
- Here “I’m sorry” means accepting responsibility for something you did (or failed to do) that hurt or inconvenienced another person.
- It implies guilt, fault, or moral/relational responsibility.
- Often it’s paired with an explanation, restitution, or a promise to do better: “I’m sorry I forgot your birthday. I’ll make it up to you.”
- The hearer expects not just words, but accountability.
- Expressing Empathy (Sympathy/Compassion)
- Here “I’m sorry” does not admit wrongdoing; rather, it expresses shared sorrow or compassion for another’s situation.
- Example: “I’m so sorry to hear about your father’s passing.”
- It’s a gesture of solidarity -- communicating that you see the person’s pain and care about it.
- No responsibility or restitution is implied; the “sorry” is about emotional presence.
- In the apology sense, “sorry” is about me and what I did wrong.
- In the empathy sense, “sorry” is about you and what you’re going through.
You do realize, though, than an apology--that is to day, an admission of culpability--opens you up to a legal judgment against you, even if you did everything right.First do no harm!
I think this is a crucial consideration regarding need for an apology. If you had done nothing would things have been better or worse? Far more call for an apology if your actions made things worse, and far less if your actions fell short but made things better.
It is often recommended to say nothing.You do realize, though, than an apology--that is to day, an admission of culpability--opens you up to a legal judgment against you, even if you did everything right.
Should you admit culpability if you did everything right?
I would say that it is a very common situation where someone expects an apology and the other party sees no reason to apologize because they feel they did nothing wrong. A reasonable subset of those cases will fall into the category the OP describes, where the other party says to themselves, "I did everything I could and therefore I couldn't have done anything wrong." In most of these situations there will be a disagreement about whether the other party did in fact do everything in their power to prevent the unfortunate event.Is there a clear and real-world example in which this problem manifests itself? For the life of me, I can't think of one.
There are semantic problems even in this phrasing. If you do everything right, can you fail? Is it possible that one not be responsible for their own failing?"Sometimes you can do everything right...and still fail." -- Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
If you did everything right and still failed...do you own anyone an apology, even if your failure caused them injury?
Here's the rub:With this in mind, I’m just going with no here. We’re human beings, with finite resources, and we are not responsible for what God does or other people’s sin.
I think it is written somewhere in Scripture that YHVH punished His Own People even when they did what was right, they did what He Told Them To Do ..........So while it is true that one cannot be at fault for doing right,
However, that was covered by the first post of this thread which includes "you did everything right" as a part of the question. The fact that this post rejects the first post's stated condition as unknowable has no reflection on the quality of my answer to the hypothetical that includes the stated condition."But who can discern his errors? Clear me from hidden faults" (Psalm 19:12).
The idea that one can sin or be at fault unknowingly is found throughout Scripture. At the judgment we will certainly be guilty of things we did not know we were guilty of.
So while it is true that one cannot be at fault for doing right, nevertheless it is always possible that one has "hidden faults" that they have failed to discern. In the Hebrew mind this is accounted for by offering sacrifices for one's hidden faults or those of the community. The moral parallel would be a kind of gratuitous giving in reparation for the injuries you don't realize you are inflicting. This is one way in which basic kindness can be justified even via the virtue of justice.
There are semantic problems even in this phrasing. If you do everything right, can you fail? Is it possible that one not be responsible for their own failing?
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