Is all hope gone??

[alethakays]

OK... so me and my bf didnt wait till we got married to have sex... so now what??? we stoped for a while but after a month we had sex again.. so now we are not having sex.. we talked and prayed about it and decided to wait... i am praying that this time we will really last. but my question is ...is there really hope for couples who have had sex b4 marriage? is there any happily married ppl out there who have has sex with their spouse and still got married and are living godly lives? Can we go back to having a Godly realtionship after all this? oe should i just 4get about it for this bf?

 

[paulnoel]

OK... so me and my bf didnt wait till we got married to have sex... so now what??? we stoped for a while but after a month we had sex again.. so now we are not having sex.. we talked and prayed about it and decided to wait... i am praying that this time we will really last. but my question is ...is there really hope for couples who have had sex b4 marriage? is there any happily married ppl out there who have has sex with their spouse and still got married and are living godly lives? Can we go back to having a Godly realtionship after all this? oe should i just 4get about it for this bf?

The simple answer to your question is YES? there is hope.
(2COR. 5; 17)...If any one belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. the old things have gone; everything is made new.

Here Paul is talking about one of God's miracles. It's an invisible miracle, but it's very real. When you let your life belong to Jesus, he makes you a new creation-a new person. What happens is this; Your spirit- the real you-is made new. Your mind and your body are not. They are your responsibility. Once you make Jesus your Lord, your job is to renew your mind with his word and to practice purtity and self-control in your body. The real you, your spirit, loves God so you tell your mind and body what to do in order to line up with that love. But here's another miracle; The past is forgotten once you ask for forgivness, and repent.(try to turn from that sin) God says about you and your boyfriend, I love you and yes you have messed up, but he forgives you. but relize this is not an excuse to do it again, when you are tempted and you will be many times. stop and pray, asking God to help you both relize you are God's temple, and to help keep it pure.
God bless you both.
Paul.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I actually think there are far worse things a person can do.
The consequences of premarital sex can be pretty brutal though.

It depends on whether or not a relationship has anything else going for it besides sex. If that's all that you're together for, then you don't have much to work with.
I know people who have had sex with all kinds of people before getting married.
How much hope there is depends on the couple. There is no blanket answer.

 

[Carri20]

Some of my aunts and uncles had premarital sex before I was born and they're all still happily married today, 21+ years later. If I'm not mistaken, my grandparents did the same thing. The bottom line is this: What happened then doesn't matter--only what's happening now. Having had premarital sex isn't going to poison your relationship with your future spouse if you've truly repented and have God in control now.

 

[alethakays]

thank you for all of your replies! i am still kind of strugling but we are praying and getting better!!!

 

[Carri20]

That's good to hear! Oh and by the way, I'm praying with ya too.

 

[nucre8tion]

I have a few questions,
Do you have anyone in your life who you can tell about this struggle, I mean other than a message board?
Does he?
Are you attending church weekly and involved in a small group or Bible study of some sort?
Have you set specific boundaries for yourself physically? Not WITH him, but for yourself?

I think you can avoid pre-marital sez without answering "yes" to these questions, but the odds will be stacked against you.
Satan will use whatever way he can to entrap you in this sin, and there are specific ways you can fight him.
All the best!

 

[alethakays]

well,
I havent really talked to anyone about this because most of my friends are either virgins..have reclaimed their virginity or are just fed up with men so they dont really want to hear about my realtionship. so i came to the message board in hopes that someone that has experienced this could give me some insight.. I really just wanted to hear storied of couples that went through this storm and made it out to become happily married.

I havent been to church in a while but i attend a bible study at my school. we are really close but i dont feel comfortable enough to share something personal to them. he attends church reguarly and is very active.

i dont know what u mean by setting the boundaries for myself physically but i think i may be able to answer it . tell me if this was the answer u was lookin for... i have made the rule that he wont enter my room... thats where the problems start... and if he is in my room its only when my roomate is there and we keep the door open.. but i am soooo weak sometimes.. its not that he pushes me .. its actually that i push him a little lol i dont know im comfused about this whole thing. because it is always when i set the limits when i mess up. its as if the devil is in the room taking note when i declare that im not going to have sex anymore and then when i least expect it wispers some mes sin my ear and its over...
I am still praying about it though and i am praying for you too carri20!

 

[unjustwar]

well another important step is confession. Tell some of your close friends and have them hold you accountable

 

[nucre8tion]

That's exactly what I meant by boundaries, good for you. You need to stick to your guns and not let him come into your room. That's a great boundary!

I would really encourage you to talk to someone about this..maybe your Bible study leader? Maybe ask your boyfriend who the youth group leader is at the church he goes to and email that person. I guarantee you, no one will be mad or make you feel bad, but satan wants you to keep this a secret. He doesn't want you to tell anyone or to get accountability (which basically means someone walking alongside you as you go thru different things).

Lastly, remember that the Bible says that Godly sorrow leads to repentence. A lot of people SAY they are sorry for their sin, whatever it is, but it is not out of sorrow for offending God. Being sorry to God, (not just cuz you feel bad,) means you take the steps to repent.
Find someone to tell and to pray with you.
Encourage your bf to do the same.
Stick to your boundaries.
Find a church where you can go to al the time, and a group of friends who will walk beside you.

I learned this all by going through it, so don't think anyone on here is above it. Being a Christian, and then a mature Christian doesn't mean you are free from sin, it just means you repent quicker. Blessings!