Is A Bottle Of Wine/Night Bad?

[BobW188]

Do try a few AA meetings. Not only might you get some insights, they might be a good for making friends and alleviating boredom.
It may surprise you, but most meetings are happy affairs with more than a few laughs.

 

[devonian]

I drink b/c I'm bored. If I'm busy, I don't feel the urge to drink...if I'm just sitting around doing nothing...I get EXTREMEMLY bored and feel like having a glass of wine. Also, it may be a habit. In college, we always got together and watched the popular shows (Grey's, American Idol, America's Next Top Model), talk and have wine. Now, that I'm not in college, in some weird way, I still feel programmed to do that. I try to ignore it but it gets the best of me sometimes.

We all can think of a reason why we got drunk. We are bored, we are having fun, we can't sleep, it helps us feel awake, we had a bad day, we had a good day, we had a fight with someone, we made up and wanted to go out together... I could add to this list forever, but in the end, our disease causes us to come up with some reason, any reason. The only way to stop the cycle, and the self deception is to find the solution.

I agree with you...I feel as if I'm tap dancing w/ the devil. I'm trying not to let him win And, I think I do need a mentor but I don't know where to get one from. I guess I could go to an AA meeting but...I don't know about that; probably not.

I resisted going to an AA meeting for years out of fear. It's really not that bad, and there are all types of people at these meetings. If you don't like the first meeting you go to, try another. But most of all, look for people who will tell you how to recover, not people who just want to [wash my mouth] and moan about the day's problems.

Edit: Why can't I be one of those people who don't feel guilty when they drink? I don't even drink half as much as most of my friends but they could care less; they never feel guilty. I guess this is what happens when you're a Christian; God nags you until you give up the stuff He doesn't want you to partake in. Grrr.

Don't be so sure they don't feel guilty. I never let on the guilt I had. I felt like I had to pretend that what I did was normal. It wasn't until I recovered that I realized how distorted my viewpoint was.

 

[TheMainException]

ArtisticAthlete: You sound just like me. Boredom always gets me...I don't know many people where I am right now, so it's mostly alone...and it's mostly always wine.

 

[ArtisticAthlete]

OK. I'm officially admitting...I have a problem. Last night, I just gave in and bought a bottle of wine. I was sick of 'not' drinking; it was too much pressure. I just felt like drinking and getting it over with. Anyway, I told myself I'd only have a glass of wine w/ my nice Italian dinner. Uuuummm...after 1/2 a glass it seems like something clicked in me and I turned into a different person. I texted my friend and we ended up going to the local bar (He drove...no DUI possibility for me) where I ended up having 3 martini's and a shot . I woke up this morning, thinking I had 1/2 a bottle of wine left...it was GONE. [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth]!? I don't even remember drinking all of it. So yeah, I'm a loser. I feel really bad now. Pray for me please!

It seems like the longer I go without drinking, the more out of control my drinking gets when I do drink. I mean, I barely go out (once a month...if that)...why do I drink so much when I do go out? Actually, I already know the answer to that...

 

[TheMainException]

You're half way to help. you have answers. Many people don't have the answers...they don't know why they drink. they don't understand why they lack control. You have some insight...that's good. But now...you need nondrinkers, exalcoholics, or other mentors to stand by you. We can all attest that going it alone is not an option. We've all needed help...few can do it alone...find those who can stand with you and lead you the right way.

 

[devonian]

OK. I'm officially admitting...I have a problem.

Congratulations, for many people, this is the hardest part of recovery. I know it was for me.

So yeah, I'm a loser. I feel really bad now.

I understand that feeling, but don't worry, this will be addressed and fixed as part of the solution. I would be happy to help you find the solution, but I want to ask two questions first. This comes from the book "Alcoholics Anonymous"

"Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps." (Pg. 58, Alcoholics Anonymous)

I have disclosed in a general way what I used to be like and what happened. I have not described what I am like now, but I hope you will believe me when I tell you that I no longer think about drinking, and even more importantly, I don't think about not drinking. I do not fight it, the problem has simply been taken away from me. I have stopped fighting everything and everyone. I now feel happy, joyous and free.

So the questions I would like to ask are:
Have you decided you want what I have?
Are you willing to go to any length to get it?

 

[BobW188]

We're with you, gal. We've all had to face up to what you've just had to. Give AA a call, and expect to be pleasantly surprised. God and a good AA home group are your biggest allies.
Keep us posted. Hourly, if need be. Sometimes just writing it out is a big help.

 

[ArtisticAthlete]

Congratulations, for many people, this is the hardest part of recovery. I know it was for me.

So the questions I would like to ask are:
Have you decided you want what I have?
Are you willing to go to any length to get it?

Yes, I want what you have and yes...I'm willing to go to any length...I think. Thing is, I don't drink when I'm not bored. Like now, I'm not working so I get super bored and my mind start saying I should drink. When I'm working...my mind never goes there. I'm never sitting around thinking I feel like drinking. But, someone said earlier, on this thread, that our mind tricks us...we like to blame it on being bored, wanting to have fun, etc.

Anyway, 'Yes' to both of your questions. So, what's the next step?

Fyi: My computer is messing up so it may take me a day or two to respond; it depends on if my comp will turn on.

 

[ArtisticAthlete]

We're with you, gal. We've all had to face up to what you've just had to. Give AA a call, and expect to be pleasantly surprised. God and a good AA home group are your biggest allies.
Keep us posted. Hourly, if need be. Sometimes just writing it out is a big help.

I think I'll look up a couple of meetings this wknd

 

[devonian]

Yes, I want what you have and yes...I'm willing to go to any length...I think. Thing is, I don't drink when I'm not bored. Like now, I'm not working so I get super bored and my mind start saying I should drink. When I'm working...my mind never goes there. I'm never sitting around thinking I feel like drinking. But, someone said earlier, on this thread, that our mind tricks us...we like to blame it on being bored, wanting to have fun, etc.

Anyway, 'Yes' to both of your questions. So, what's the next step?

The thing to do is to get a copy of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous". We commonly refer to it as "the big book". You can pick one up at most AA meetings or at a bookstore. In my town, the AA meetings sell them for about $7, and the bookstore sells them for about $15. When you read it, do not read it like a novel, read it like a text book. Go to meetings, find someone who will show you the solution. When they give you advice, ask them to show you where it is found in the book. Not all meetings are good meetings, and not everyone who attends are alcoholics. Make sure you find the people who are working the steps and following the solution.



"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." (Pg 59-60, Alcoholics Anonymous)

So, these are the steps we took. You now have a general idea of what it means to go to any lengths. The steps are simple, but they are not always easy.

You are at step 1, if you can agree to being powerless over alcohol-that your life is unmanageable, then you have completed step 1.

Can you agree to this step? If you have any reservations, please let me know.

 

[ArtisticAthlete]

Well, I guess I can kind of agree to being powerless when I start drinking. But, by no means, do I think my life is unmanageable. That's why I'm a tad confused about alcoholism. People say it's not the amount of times you drink, it's the amount you drink when drink when you do drink (i.e. you can't stop). Like I said, I may drink 2 or 3 times a month...but if I do, most of the time, I end up drinking a lot...but not having a hangover. When I think of alcoholism, I think of people who drink almost everyday and it seems to take over their lives. But, I'm guessing I'm wrong...

 

[iwanttobefree]

Well, I guess I can kind of agree to being powerless when I start drinking. But, by no means do I think my life is unmanageable. That's why I'm a tad confused about alcoholism. People say it's not the amt of times you drink, it's the amount you drink when drink when you do drink (i.e. you can't stop). Like I said, I may drink 2 or 3 times a month...but if I do, most of the time, I end up drinking a lot...by not having a hangover. When I think of alcoholism I think of people who drink almost everyday and it seems to take over their lives. But, I'm guessing I'm wrong...

Some say it is progressive. People who drink everyday probably didn't go from no drinks to drinking daily. Ask a lot of alcoholics and they will tell you it got steadily worse over the years. Sometimes it only takes a few years, sometimes ten.

 

[BobW188]

We AA's speak of alcohol as "cunning, baffling, powerful," and you've just had a taste of that. Despite your best intentions and will power, you not only resumed drinking but woke up to find you killed off a bottle of wine without remembering it!

That's unmanagable!. (And if I had a buck for every time I did it, I'd be sittin' on a thick wad of cash.)

What you're fighting (as we all did) is the fact that it is not going to get any better; it is going to get progressively worse.

There is more and more evidence that alcoholism has a strong genetic component. You inherited it, and in that sense are not responsible for it. But the cops, the judge, the boss and the spouse are in time going to hold you responsible for what you do (really, what you become), because of it.

A real Catch 22. You are responsible for what you do because of something you're not responsible for. I won't pretend it isn't a burden; but I will say that back in those early days of sobriety it was AA men and women whom I found most willing, even eager, to help me carry it. And they are the best source of information and guidance on the different alcoholism programs and resources in your community and in any community you move to. (After all, they've tried them all.)

Trust us. You don't want to become the person drinking made us become.

In AA, we say, "Keep coming back!" Same on this thread.

 

[devonian]

Well, I guess I can kind of agree to being powerless when I start drinking. But, by no means, do I think my life is unmanageable. That's why I'm a tad confused about alcoholism. People say it's not the amount of times you drink, it's the amount you drink when drink when you do drink (i.e. you can't stop). Like I said, I may drink 2 or 3 times a month...but if I do, most of the time, I end up drinking a lot...but not having a hangover.

Ahh... Yes... this is why the first step is the hardest for many people. The great obsession of every alcoholic is that some day they can control and enjoy their drinking. We want to think that our drinking is manageable.

I don't think this step is saying every aspect of our life is unmanageable. Even skid row bums, find a way to get food and shelter, even if it is just a park bench and soup kitchen. If they wanted to, they could say that they manage to get by.

When I think of alcoholism, I think of people who drink almost everyday and it seems to take over their lives.

Sadly, this is often true. But that is because they refuse to believe that they cannot control it. If you like, you can wait to see if this happens. If you are an alcoholic, I believe it will happen.

 

[madison1101]

Hi there,
I am Trish, and I am definitely an alcoholic. I have done exactly as you have described. Alcohol is a liar, and it will woo you into thinking it is okay to have just one. It will tell you that you are not able to get through an evening, or even an hour, unless you have some of it in you. It will tell you deserve to let some steam off. Problem is, there is always tomorrow, if you are lucky enough not to kill yourself, or someone while drunk.

I have been a resistant alcoholic, and relapsed chronically, especially in the past year. Last week, I think I surrendered, and am now working on making my meetings again, and keeping on touch with my sponsor.

I would encourage you to get to a few meetings as soon as possible, and get some phone numbers. Find out where the meetings are that people recommend. Go early and stay after the meetings. Tell people you are new. You will be surprised by how you are welcomed. The newcomer is the most important person at our meetings.

God bless.

Trish

 

[ArtisticAthlete]

Hello all!

I haven't been on CF in a while (my computer broke) so I just wanted to give you guys an update. All is well over here. I've been working on the reasons behind the reasons why I feel the need to drink, drink, drink. Its been really helpful and now I feel like I am going in the right direction. I'm still taking it day by day so we'll see...

I hope you guys are doing well. Thanks to everyone for responding to this thread!

 

[madison1101]

Hello all!

I haven't been on CF in a while (my computer broke) so I just wanted to give you guys an update. All is well over here. I've been working on the reasons behind the reasons why I feel the need to drink, drink, drink. Its been really helpful and now I feel like I am going in the right direction. I'm still taking it day by day so we'll see...

I hope you guys are doing well. Thanks to everyone for responding to this thread!

Sounds good that you are becoming self-aware. Have you been to an AA meetings? I have been in therapy for nineteen years, and have tons of self-awareness, BUT, I still relapsed and went on an awful spree that I never dreamed possible. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful.

What is helping me tremendously is working the 12 Steps with my sponsor. I have been sidelined from my meetings for the time being due to surgery and serious pain issues, but I am still in touch with AA friends on the phone, and online. Yahoo has a group that helps me tremendously, but my meetings are where I learn the most about working the steps.

You can read the AA Big Book online and learn about the steps there. www.aa.org The Big Book is available, plus you can find AA meetings as well.

Good luck.

Trish

 

[ArtisticAthlete]

No, I haven't been to an AA meeting. I was going to go but then I started becoming "self-aware", I guess, and I just never went. I feel like I don't have the urge to drink, hardcore, like I was when I was bored. I guess it's because I'm working now and I actually have something to do. Me + Boredom = Not Good. Like I said in my previous posts, I tend to only drink like that when I'm bored or depressed. Unemployment led to both...

 

[madison1101]

No, I haven't been to an AA meeting. I was going to go but then I started becoming "self-aware", I guess, and I just never went. I feel like I don't have the urge to drink, hardcore, like I was when I was bored. I guess it's because I'm working now and I actually have something to do. Me + Boredom = Not Good. Like I said in my previous posts, I tend to only drink like that when I'm bored or depressed. Unemployment led to both...

I totally relate to the bored issue. My problem is that my drinking got so bad, it was any old reason under the sun that I drank over.

The neat thing about the 12 Steps of AA is that they helped me to become more thoroughly self-aware, because of the spiritual changes that take place while doing them. Even if you don't visit a meeting, the Steps are worth looking at. Check them out at the AA website.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[ArtisticAthlete]

I totally relate to the bored issue. My problem is that my drinking got so bad, it was any old reason under the sun that I drank over.

The neat thing about the 12 Steps of AA is that they helped me to become more thoroughly self-aware, because of the spiritual changes that take place while doing them. Even if you don't visit a meeting, the Steps are worth looking at. Check them out at the AA website.

Hugs,
Trish

Ok...shall do. And, maybe I'll just check out a meeting anyway; it can't hurt!