intrusive thoughts--anyone else?

[anxious_thoughts]

Hey all,

I am new here to this forum. I am a Christian and have an awesome husband, job, and family. I was "normal" until June 18, 2011.

I had a panic attack while watching a rather violent show with my husband. I usually do not like violence. Since then, I have dealt with anxiety and worse--intrusive thoughts.

At first, I had a thought that I would hurt/kill my husband...and then it went to my parents...and now it's on myself. I had an uncle who killed himself when I was 14 and I think it scared me to think someone who get that low and lose all hope.

Now my intrusive thought has centered about if I will be that way and lose control. I know that I love my life, but this thought just bugs me! Anyone else had self-harm or ***cidal intrusive thoughts?? (I have never had thoughts to these prior to my panic attack).

 

[pitseleh]

I've had them too. I have no idea why.

*hugs* I'll be praying for you.

 

[OCD=Owie]

Hey all,

I am new here to this forum. I am a Christian and have an awesome husband, job, and family. I was "normal" until June 18, 2011.

I had a panic attack while watching a rather violent show with my husband. I usually do not like violence. Since then, I have dealt with anxiety and worse--intrusive thoughts.

At first, I had a thought that I would hurt/kill my husband...and then it went to my parents...and now it's on myself. I had an uncle who killed himself when I was 14 and I think it scared me to think someone who get that low and lose all hope.

Now my intrusive thought has centered about if I will be that way and lose control. I know that I love my life, but this thought just bugs me! Anyone else had self-harm or ***cidal intrusive thoughts?? (I have never had thoughts to these prior to my panic attack).

Well first off, welcome to the forum! There's lots of good Christian OCD sufferers that should be able to help you out now and in the future.

I know that I personally have had obsessions related to this, though, they haven't been my worst ones.

Sometimes when I'm by a loved one and holding a kitchen knife or something, I get the thought of hurting them. Not a comfortable feeling to say the least.

I have had other incarnations of the same thing, but I don't want to go too overboard telling you about all of my obsessions. Wouldn't want you to pick anything up from me.

But needless to say, you're not alone. Are you in therapy, or are you medicated? One or both of those things can greatly help you in this struggle.

 

[Esther Ruth]

I have OCD and am a Christian. First, you might want to question why watching that show with your husband triggered you attack. What was in it and why are your thoughts connected to your uncle's suicide? Pray and ask God to reveal to you those causes and ask Him to cleanse you from them. Maybe you have somthing in your past you need to let go of.

 

[tripletiger1200]

I've had intrusive thoughts about harming others and myself. The thoughts about harming others bothered me more. The self harm thoughts bothered me less because I figured if I was harming myself at least I wasn't hurting anyone else.

 

[anxious_thoughts]

@OCD--Yes, I am on Celexa. I have been on it for only 5 weeks, but I am started to definitely see a difference in my thinking. I am not as quite consumed with the intrusive thoughts and I can actually function. I have been to counseling for 5 sessions, but I felt like I was telling the woman more helpful facts that she was telling me! I have also definitely had that holding-a-knife-and-picture-stabbing-a-loved-one moment. Those are awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am learning to identify the thought as OCD and then move on. When I try to argue it or analyze it, then I get into trouble!!!! I think my uncle's death scared me because he had great things in life--but he also had a horrible drug addiction. He didn't think he could beat it. I know his death was his choice and from living a drug-ridden life. Mine is not like that. I think getting to that low point is just terrifying, now naturally I am scared to go crazy and get to that low point--which is just an irrational fear. Just like how I was worried that picturing stabbed a loved one meant that I would go crazy and be a serial killer. I have no reason for that.

Just a fear of losing control.

 

[OCD=Owie]

Well it's good that you realize all of that. That's a big part of the struggle taht you already seem to have figured out at least conceptually.

 

[gracealone]

Sounds like you are really making progress in learning to manage your OCD. That's great.
As for me, yes I've had those ugly harming thoughts in regard to my loved ones as well as myself. Fears of going insane, losing control... "what if I just go and swallow a whole bottle of pills because I can't stop myself"...etc.
It's all OCD and you are so on track in realizing that the harder you battle, push away or argue with those kind of thoughts the more threatening and large they will seem to your OCD brain.
Anyhow welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing about your experiences with this disorder. Your in good company here.
Mitzi

@OCD--Yes, I am on Celexa. I have been on it for only 5 weeks, but I am started to definitely see a difference in my thinking. I am not as quite consumed with the intrusive thoughts and I can actually function. I have been to counseling for 5 sessions, but I felt like I was telling the woman more helpful facts that she was telling me! I have also definitely had that holding-a-knife-and-picture-stabbing-a-loved-one moment. Those are awful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am learning to identify the thought as OCD and then move on. When I try to argue it or analyze it, then I get into trouble!!!! I think my uncle's death scared me because he had great things in life--but he also had a horrible drug addiction. He didn't think he could beat it. I know his death was his choice and from living a drug-ridden life. Mine is not like that. I think getting to that low point is just terrifying, now naturally I am scared to go crazy and get to that low point--which is just an irrational fear. Just like how I was worried that picturing stabbed a loved one meant that I would go crazy and be a serial killer. I have no reason for that.

Just a fear of losing control.