Introvert & Extrovert - can it work?

[EbonNelumbo]

I have been in my current relationship for 2.5 years today at 1:12PM! *Yippie!* I know one thing, however, distance does not make the heart grow fonder, but distance makes the heart go wander. I was away from my boyfriend for 3 months...due to depression, and it was teh worst time of my life. I think that if your boyfriend wants to have a relationship then he needs to start acting like it. Personal space and time is one thing, refusing to speak except on one's terms is another. I think that he may be 1) depressed 2)agoraohobic 3) not interested 4) really really introverted and need help


Try to talk to him about how you feel. My bf is very very introverted and i am very extroverted but we try to spend 7/7 days a week togetehr and usually only are apart 2-3 times per year. Of course this is the man that I have been with throughout high school and now college and we have plans after college to get married (Yippie!)

 

[All4Christ]

Does a quiet nature signify introversion? Or if a quiet person is energized by listening to others, are they really an extrovert? Or what if someone is quiet around those who they don't know well, yet talkative around those who are close to them?

In other words, what truly makes up an extrovert/introvert?

 

[RadG]

My thoughts on this subject are that If I were your bf I probably would take the time to talk to you when you call even if it was in the middle of me eating. The only people I wouldn't take the time to talk to are probably telemarketers, but I never want to talk to them anyway. Just so you know I am what I consider an extreme introvert, I hardly ever talk in fact on the phone most of my conversations have me saying ok....yes.....uh uh .....no....ok and if it is my mom on the other end at the end "love you bye". Also around others I am not much of a talker but rather an observer, I will take note of the surroundings and try to pay attention to conversations but never really know what to say and afraid to say the wrong things so I keep my mouth shut.


RadG

 

[superdave]

I am an extrovert- in the sense- I get revitalized by being by people. I always have to have someone at my apartment- I hate being alone. I am kind of weird, I have a little hard time connecting with some people- but once I connect with them- I step out of my shell and I am really comfortable.

I think shy has nothing to do with being introverted- the way I understood it as-- if you are an introvert that means you get your revitilzation (if thats a word!!! LOL!) through spending time with yourself. An extrovert, gets his revitilization through spending time with people.

Anyways... That's what I think.

 

[Multi-Elis]

I think shy has nothing to do with being introverted

True. They sometimes go together, but my brother is a introvert and is not shy, and I am partially introvert, partially extovert (like some have described here) and I have been fighting shyness all my life.

But I would say this: Introverts tend to not need to talk that much. So they only talk if they need to. (That is, if they are not shy)

But it goes more than that: Extrovertism can be measured in the tone of voice, in the way the person exteriorises himself.
But the amazing thing is that some introverts are actors, and when they are on stage, you'd never guess, because they exteriorize themselves well.

It would be interesting to see what contribuiting factors there are in the way people become extroverts/introverts.
Unfortunately I can't pin down a cause for either aspects of my character. I am however the oldest.

 

[boilerblues]

I think an introvert and an extrovert can be together, but it takes getting a good understanding for each other and respect for differences. I'm an introvert, but I've learned how to relate well with extroverts. The key is that I have to have time to myself to recharge. When I am in a relationship we'll just have to have a good understanding that I want to spend time with her, but I will also need some time to myself. It's just a matter of communication, understanding, and respect. It's also important that the introvert isn't selfish about time to his/her self.

 

[sanibak]

First I would like to applaud you for understanding aleast some of the needs that an introvert has.

As an intro myself, I am actually on the very end(as intro as you can get) to the point I have mild social anxiety.

Some of the things that can ruin my relationships are like this:

1. I don't like phones...I find phones of any type impersonal, especially with cell phones now it is as if saying "I want to talk to you but shopping is more important". Usually any friendships I make begin to falter till I explain that I would rather go and ring a door bell then walk 5 feet to a phone.

2. I'll only go to my limit...if someone wants me to go further I need a push...I've tried being more extroverted but can only handle so many panic attacks in one day before having to go back to my comfort zone...besides I enjoy going places when I'm with one or two other people, if if flanked both sides I am more at ease than just out in the crowd.

3. I have 2-3 times a day (depending on stress) that I just need to sit and relax for a bit...usually don't mind if someone wants to sit quietly next to me but it is also a time when even the smallest thing will annoy me, so in some instance I can be fairly moody without my mental nap.

Well, believe that might be the 3 biggest problems I have that could be big end all for any kind of relationship...but I know that most every introvert I've met has no real problem discussing things if given a chance to talk.

 

[sweetlambofgod]

well they do say "opposites attract"

 

[Inperfected]

He says that from experience, he knows that when we 'fall in romantic love' (as opposed to the commitment we've made to each other), then he will want to talk to me any time, and think of me all the time. I don't want to talk to him all the time now, I just don't want to have to feel bad if I do, and it's always bad timing for him.

Be careful warning bells for me there, i'll explain myself later!

 

[Multi-Elis]

well they do say "opposites attract"

Actually - likes like likes and opposites attract. In actual fact, couples who consider them selves as being like each other are also happier as a couple.

 

[Inperfected]

OK about 3 posts up i said i'd explain, well here goes. When in a relationship, there should be romanitc love, what is going to change in the future.... Check that out, because you have a problem if he only loves you as a friend, yet you love him more than that... In one sided relaitonship, one or both get REALLY hurt...

The second half of it, it sounds like my relatinship i was in... be careful. you cannot have feelings like these in a relationship that aren't dealt with, you will end up ending it otherwise, if he doesn't first... it eats you girl.. be so careful.

 

[themetalkid84]

Being Extroverted of introverted has nothing to do with your circumstances, etc. Extroversion and introversion are simply the way you gain energy. Just like some people are organized and some are not. It is just something you are born with.

I for one gain the most energy from being with others (extroversion).. however, I can also gain an equal amount of energy from being alone (introversion)... hence the reason I am balanced, as I mentioned before.

i disagree, i believe is from circumstances, in fact our whole life and the way we act is from our circumstances. We learn from what we experience, and gain wisdom through God during those experiences. The amount of people you hang out with could cause one to be extrovert or introvert. It is a choice most of the time. But we make that choice based on what our experiences were.

 

[E.Sam]

I think I'm an intro and I've wondered about the same as you(about intro working with extro) .I'd preffer intro but I think I could handle an extro .Anyway I ask God to guide me in this because He knows better than me what I need .

 

[Niels]

It may actually be the rule, rather than the exception. The men in my extended family tend to be the "strong silent types", while the women are the socialites. I've seen this in many other couples too... occasionally with the husband as the extrovert.

 

[invisiblebabe]

i disagree, i believe is from circumstances, in fact our whole life and the way we act is from our circumstances. We learn from what we experience, and gain wisdom through God during those experiences. The amount of people you hang out with could cause one to be extrovert or introvert. It is a choice most of the time. But we make that choice based on what our experiences were.

My two cents:

Yes and no. Introvert/extrovert has been proven to have at least some genetic component to it. However, I do agree that to an extent, we can be socialized to have introverted or extroverted characteristics.

An example of how this works would be this: I have naturally dirty blond hair. I like hair dye, though, so I highlight it and it gets a whole lot lighter than it would be otherwise. I can't change it to be a color that my natural color won't allow.... like, it won't bleach out to pure white without falling out, no matter how much I want it to. Such is the way the introvert/extrovert dynamics work, I believe.

 

[Niels]

My two cents:

Yes and no. Introvert/extrovert has been proven to have at least some genetic component to it. However, I do agree that to an extent, we can be socialized to have introverted or extroverted characteristics.

I agree. Nurture and nature both play a role in shaping our personalities. Much of our behavior is learned, and we also have our own predispositions.

 

[hazeleyes80]

I used to mistake myself for an introvert until I realized that I'm actually extraverted - as long as the people I'm socializing with share my values. I'd rather spend some quality time with me, myself, and I than spend time with people that I have nothing in common with, which was a problem with one particular ex boyfriend because most of his other friends were quite different from me. That said, I think it's important that if you are in a relationship with someone who is your opposite on the introversion/extraversion scale, communication, acceptance, and compromise are key. It's important to commuincate your needs to each other. It's equally important that neither of you needs to be "fixed." Compromise is also important because an extravert isn't going to be able to tolerate nothing but quiet evenings at home and an introvert isn't going to be able to tolerate a relationship that requires constant extraversion. Try to strike a balance and respect each other's needs.

 

[Vintauri]

We have a similar problem at work. Out of a group of 5 people 3 are introverted and 2 are Extroverted. What I did was get everyone together and we took the Myers-Briggs test together and then had someone who was trained in personality traits talk to us about how different personalities work and how they can work with each other.

It has helped my dept to function and communicate much better. But it does take an effort on both sides.

My wife and I are not quite opposites but I am more extroverted then her. When we got married part of the pre marriage counseling was a personality test that the pastor gave us. It did help point out where some differences in expectations and styles exsisted.

You may want to find some time to do this together. There are many free ones online just search for Myers-Briggs or personality tests. It can be very fun to find out more about yourself and your partner and it will hopefully spur more coversation about how you each feel about each other and how you interact.

Bottom line is that both people need to give a little to meet in the middle. If your the only one giving to try to make the relationship work then it's chances of growing are not going to happen.

 

[hazeleyes80]

There are many free ones online just search for Myers-Briggs or personality tests. It can be very fun to find out more about yourself and your partner and it will hopefully spur more coversation about how you each feel about each other and how you interact.

I've found that some of the better ones are at http://www.emode.com (the career personality test is good and there's also one about what personality type you have in romantic situations), http://www.humanmetrics.com (the Jung typology test), and http://www.similarminds.com.

If you feel like spending some money, Please Understand Me II is a great book, and it has the complete Kiersey Temperament Sorter in front of the book. It also has specific temperament questions in case you're borderline between one of the 4 (NF, SJ, NT, or SP) so that you can narrow down which way you lean.