Introversion

[iarwain]

The thread "introvert at church" reminded me of this.
I have recently been struggling with my introversion. By the way, introverts are not necessarily shy or short of social skills (although they often are). The definition of an introvert is someone who finds social situations draining, and needs solitude to recharge their batteries. Conversely, and extrovert finds being alone draining, and recharges their batteries with contact with other people.

I've lately been wondering if my introversion is some sort of character flaw or form of selfishness, even sinfulness. Why am I not charged by social contact with other people like the extrovert? Am I too selfish? Does not the extrovert, at least on the surface, appear to care more about other people? If I sincerely cared more about other people, wouldn't I get more energized by being around them, instead of ultimately finding it draining?

On the other hand, when you rub up against other people, you're rubbing up against their sins as well, so maybe that is a factor that makes it draining. Still, if your love was sufficient, wouldn't this cover it?

I'll also add that it can be difficult for an introvert to compete socially with an extrovert, because of this draining effect. An introvert might wear down over time and need recharging, whereas an extrovert often becomes more and more energized, and gathers steam.

These are just a few things I've been thinking about lately. I'm not even sure if it is possible to completely change what category you are in. Come to think of it, while I know a lot of introverts would like to be more extroverted, I'm not sure I've ever heard of an extrovert wanting to become an introvert.

 

[janny108]

The thread "introvert at church" reminded me of this.
I have recently been struggling with my introversion. By the way, introverts are not necessarily shy or short of social skills (although they often are). The definition of an introvert is someone who finds social situations draining, and needs solitude to recharge their batteries. Conversely, and extrovert finds being alone draining, and recharges their batteries with contact with other people.

I've lately been wondering if my introversion is some sort of character flaw or form of selfishness, even sinfulness. Why am I not charged by social contact with other people like the extrovert? Am I too selfish? Does not the extrovert, at least on the surface, appear to care more about other people? If I sincerely cared more about other people, wouldn't I get more energized by being around them, instead of ultimately finding it draining?

On the other hand, when you rub up against other people, you're rubbing up against their sins as well, so maybe that is a factor that makes it draining. Still, if your love was sufficient, wouldn't this cover it?

I'll also add that it can be difficult for an introvert to compete socially with an extrovert, because of this draining effect. An introvert might wear down over time and need recharging, whereas an extrovert often becomes more and more energized, and gathers steam.

These are just a few things I've been thinking about lately. I'm not even sure if it is possible to completely change what category you are in. Come to think of it, while I know a lot of introverts would like to be more extroverted, I'm not sure I've ever heard of an extrovert wanting to become an introvert.

You know I grew up feeling I was "inferior" because I am an introvert,that's the way God made me(us). Yes I do find social interactions draining after 3 hrs or so. But I DID volunteer for VBS where I had to show up 4 nights in a row!

You are right on about the draining vs being charged up. Even after VBS is over there are ppl still there at the church after it's ok to go home!

Why would you think this is a flaw? No I don't think you can permanently change who you are, there is a reason for it. I can act more extroverted but then I revert back to my more introverted personality. You are probably a good listener like me and can empathize when ppl are having a hard time. I was a greeter and helped out with snax among a few other things and I had a great time!

I think for me the biggest thing is not comparing myself to others and making the most of what I have.
Jan

 

[janny108]

Society tends to value those who are more extroverted and I'm thinking seriously of ordering that book in the "introvert at church" thread.
Jan

 

[iarwain]

Thanks for the reply. I see that book has not been released yet. I was looking forward to reading some of the reader reviews on Amazon, but there aren't any. But the book "Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength" looks interesting in the meantime. This author actually claims that introverts are in the majority, but so many introverts pretend to be extroverts (because of societal pressures) it doesn't look that way. I'm skeptical, but it does look interesting.

I think the reason I am introverted is because I was raised alone as a child, so I learned to entertain myself a lot with imaginative play. I suppose if you grow up with a bunch of brothers and sisters your age to play with your life gets shaped very differently (I actually have brothers and sisters but they were pretty much grown up and out of the house by the time I was born, so I was more like an only child). So the result is I feel most relaxed when I am alone (or with a close significant other).

What bugs me most about being an introvert is I can't help but think my life would be more successful if I was extroverted instead. But then again, maybe I wouldn't have had some of the successes I have had, and who knows what kind of new problems would have cropped up (maybe falling into a bad crowd while living a more boisterous lifestyle)?

 

[Johnnz]

Self confidence is the real key,not where you are on an introversion-extroversion scale. And self confidence begins with understanding who you are in Gods eyes. From there you can assess your strengths (we all have some), your capabilities and areas where you may need to develop additional skills. We all have some imperfections too, and we must be realistic about them without getting condemned by them.,

John
NZ

 

[green wolverine]

Here's a good article on caring for your introvert:

Caring for Your Introvert - The Atlantic (March 2003)

My father-in-law tried in vain for years to make my hubby into an extrovert by forcing him into situations he disliked and it never worked. My stepfather tried to convince me I'd like the same things he did if I'd just give it a try. Both men thrive on crowds and being the center of attention. My hubby and I both thrive on solitude and all the pressuring us as children to be who we weren't didn't work.

 

[iarwain]

That was an interesting article, although I don't think I shun people to the extent that the author does. If I'm in the mood, I can socialize a lot. There are times when I am JUST NOT IN THE MOOD, though, and at those times it can be very difficult for me to socialize, even if I think I should. That can be frustrating.

I know at times in the past I must have missed out on some females that I was trying to attract because of this. I would make a few clever comments or something, and some extrovert would whisk her away for five hours of free flowing conversation and form a good connection. I've found it hard to compete in this type of situation, because five straight hours of conversation would be a lot for me. Don't feel bad for me on that though, because I have a very fine lady in my life who has been with me for years and loves and accepts me for who I am.

Speaking of society's expectation for you to be extroverted in today's world, this reminds me of monasticism. It seems like in medieval times they placed more value on quiet introspection, when monks were much more common.

 

[janny108]

Good article, thanks for the link.

 

[green wolverine]

I think it takes a long time to come to grips with the fact that you're an introvert and there's nothing wrong with it. I'm very happy with who I am as a person except when I'm in a large crowd feeling lost.

 

[traditionalist]

I have a very extroverted job, Im an Educator so I am contantly interacting with people. I enjoy my Job and I love being around other people. When I get home, I shut myself away almost so I can recharge. Its kinda like I have two personalities. It is hard work, but introverts can socialize like an extrovert, it just takes time to get used to, and practice on finding those times to recharge the batteries.

 

[iarwain]

I have a very extroverted job, Im an Educator so I am contantly interacting with people. I enjoy my Job and I love being around other people. When I get home, I shut myself away almost so I can recharge. Its kinda like I have two personalities. It is hard work, but introverts can socialize like an extrovert, it just takes time to get used to, and practice on finding those times to recharge the batteries.

I'm in much the same situation, although I'm not an educator. I've come to realize I'm a little frustrated by the situation. When I get home I need to recharge, and it might be nice to save that "socializing energy" for when I'm off work. As it is, by the time I get off work, I can't handle being around too many people. If I had a less extroverted job, I would probably have a more active social life outside of work.

I wonder if there is any way to build up your tolerance to being around people without having to recharge as much. It's hard for me to imagine, because when I get to that point where I've had enough, I really start craving that recharge time.