Intimacy

[Jesus_Freak4]

Hi

First of all, let me give you the background. I have been in a relationship with a girl for three months. I have given her my views on kissing and wanting to save a first kiss for some time, whether that be for a year, or till engagement or whenever. Although her views aren't necessarily the same as mine, she is prepared to wait for a first kiss. Last night we were in a situation where we could have easily taken the next step and kissed, but seeing as we are both strong willed people that didn't happen, even though it 'felt' like it should have.

My girlfriend said something along the lines of " You know I'm prepared to wait for a kiss, although sometimes I just find it hard to be intimate with you."

This is where it gets hard. Is physical intimacy important in any relationship (to whatever extent)? or is physical intimacy just a way of showing that two people belong to each other?

My views sit somewhere in the middle - as much as I can save for my future partner I will try to save, but at the same time I still want give enough away to my girlfriend now. But if she is struggling to be intimate with me now, should I be giving more away?

I don't know what you people think, but how important is intimacy in a relationship?

 

[mina]

I think ( and I may be totally wrong- imagine that!) that the more committed you become in the realationship the more physical touch is going to become part of the relationship. Like the more you become emotionally close, the more you will long to be physically close as well, even if it's just holding hands, or embracing. I think that kissing and tender touching should happen only as a couple enters into a higher level of committment to one another. The desire to be physical can be there at any stage but it doesn't make it right to endulge in them.

 

[DaveKerwin]

save that kiss brother!!!

 

[enslow]

Hi


. . . although sometimes I just find it hard to be intimate with you."

Depending on how long you've known this girl, this part would concern me. There are ways to be intimate without kissing or touching 'out-of-bounds' areas. I would wonder about a couple that's been dating for a year if they had hang-ups over publically-acceptable PDAs. To me that would sound more like a couple that should remain good friends.

Enslow

 

[katelyn]

Physical intimacy is not required. I think any "blocking" of the progress in your relationship caused by waiting for physical intimacy will be psychological...because you expect it to prevent you from getting closer, or because one or both of you still have the idea in your head that you "should" be kissing. If you sincerely want to wait, then do so.

 

[SirKenin]

I don't think it matters. I can not think of one good logical argument one way or the other. It's all purely a matter of personal preference. You don't feel comfortable? Nobody's forcing you to do it. Wait until YOU feel like you're ready. We can't make that decision for you.

Me, I waited until the time felt right, and then went for it. I've done that with every relationship I've ever had. I don't regret it in the least. Then again, you're not me. Right?

 

[invisiblebabe]

as a girl who's 1) worn a ring 'til two weeks ago, and 2) still saving her FIRST kiss, here's my two cents

if it's hard to feel intimate with her, and you guys are showing any physical affection at all, i think God has someone better suited for each of you. intimacy is about a whole lot more than just the physical...

i'd keep taking it slow. don't kiss yet, just wait and see how the relationship progresses. the kiss will be a lot better once you know each other even better.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I think ( and I may be totally wrong- imagine that!) that the more committed you become in the realationship the more physical touch is going to become part of the relationship. Like the more you become emotionally close, the more you will long to be physically close as well, even if it's just holding hands, or embracing. I think that kissing and tender touching should happen only as a couple enters into a higher level of committment to one another. The desire to be physical can be there at any stage but it doesn't make it right to endulge in them.

I agree with Mina. I think physical intimacy is important even before marriage. Obviously there are things that you DON'T do before then, but hugs and kisses are great ways to express love and devotion! Besides, studies have shown so many times that people NEED intimacy and physical touch to survive! Part of your dating 'career' will set the stage for your marriage. If you deny each other physical love and affection, it's going to be very awkward and weird after you get married. My husband's friend never kissed or did ANYTHING until his wedding day. That was three years ago. They are just getting to a point now where it's "okay" to lie on the couch together and hold each other. That's just sad, IMO.

 

[pmarquette]

There was a song , years ago .... that had a refrain that didn't make sense ....
" If you let me make love to you , why can't I touch you "

Intamacy .... touch heart ... not carnal lust
holding hands , companionship , christian hug , doing things together : walks , movies , worship , work , hobbies ... being friends , becoming like Radar and Col. Blake.... knowing what each other wants without speaking , finishing each others sentences ...
being friends .... one flesh , one spirit , one mind , before God...

the icing on the cake , will follow , the honey moon , the consumation , the sexual part of the relationship , the glue that draws husband to wife and wife to husband ... the children , the fruit of that fellowship ...

 

[HappyPrincess]

I would take this as a warning sign, not necessarily a stop post. But you do want to explore what is causing her to have these problems. (and what she means by having problems being intimate)

I was the one that stopped kissing before it started with my boyfriend and I. And we had no problems cuddling, feeling intimate even without kissing.

However, in the past, people were given in marriage to those they barely knew and somehow found a way to be intimate and propagate the species (and even love each other) So you can't say its absolutely necessary.