Internet relationships

[Maeyken]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, fluffy_rainbow. That sucks.

I personally would never meet someone from online, unless it was like a friend-of-a-friend or something like that. It just freaks me out hearing people's stories! I know that there *are* success stories out there too... and I am glad that for those people it's working. However it also scares me- knowing that some people are not who they say they are... and how can I tell the difference?

(of course, when twistedsketch provides his picture along with his self description, we get a better idea hahaha)

 

[Sketcher]

My pic is my avatar. That was my hero that I posted.

 

[Maeyken]

either way....

 

[KristianJ]

Thanks you guys. It's just that, I had such awful experiences with online dating so it has kinda cast this negativity over the entire issue for me. I don't want to put anyone down for being in an internet relationship or rain on their parade.

Just to be really candid for a moment. Last summer I was raped by a guy I met online. It devestated me. I thought maybe I just had a very unlucky experience and decided to be more careful. Then I met a guy through a Christian singles group on Yahoo. He was a DJ for a local Christian radio station, sang in a Gospel quartet, and was the leader of his men's Sunday school class. I thought for sure he would be a stable, Christian man. I was wrong. On our first date he tried to coerce me into performing oral sex on him. He claimed he would never get married again, but didn't see anything wrong with sexual encounters and that "God would understand". I was appalled. Then there was another guy whom I was supposed to meet for dinner. He and I chatted online forever, spoke on the phone for months. Then one night he asked me if I was into "age play". When I asked him what that was he informed me that he was really into women dressing up and acting like little girls and calling him "daddy". Then he asked if I would mail him a pair of my panties. I freaked out. That incident scared me so badly I never met him for our date and I had my phone number changed.

I dunno, I just think that there are so many people in the world and it just seems in my personal opinion that meeting people online is the easy way out. I met guys online because it was easy. I was lonely, they were lonely, there was a minimal risk of rejection. They were online looking for the same thing I was...someone to fill that void. Subsequently I was taken advantage of, but then again, I knew what I was getting into.

Man, those experiences are heartbreaking... I am so sorry that you've been subjected to those awful happenings. It just goes to show how careful you have to be when getting to know anyone over the Internet - I'm not just referring to deeper friendships and relationships, but anyone whom you might see in a chatroom or talk to on IM.

 

[lovefire]

Yeah I hate to hear of things such as that myself. But I think maybe any relationship could be like that. I mean just cause the people were online doesn't mean it would have been different if you met them on the street. I think it is good to check everything out though. I would speak to family and friends of the person you know online.

 

[TriptychR]

I'm so sorry, fluffy... You're experiences have been horrible. While I agree that it may happen through other media, it does seem that it's easier to do so on the Internet and that people who want to do those things tend to gravitate it, so we all probably should be a little more careful.

 

[Darkfalz]

I had one that lasted over a year. We talked on the phone all the time (it cost me a fortune!).

We finally met, and when she saw what I looked like, everything we had together, all the laughs and "I love yous" and good times on the phone and email and chat, they all ceased to exist.

Never again...

It's tempting though. The internet is the only place a guy like me can speak to women without immediately attracting their hatred and desire to get rid of me that happens when they can see me. And although I try to suppress it, I am a guy and I do desire some kind of communication and contact with women...

 

[Singin4Him]

Ok I have seen several horror stories on internet relationships. Things like "the person may not be who you think". I do agree that you don't get a good sence of who someone is online just by email and instant messages. But I am curious as to what you thought about a relationship when it moves to being over the phone as well (more so than online even)? I have a gf whom I met online. I love her very much (not just emotion but action and dedication). I have been talking with her over the phone these days more than online. I have even talked with her family. Over time I have heard her laugh, cry, and go through many difficult things in her life. I have spoken with her on many views and we have worked at a real relationship.

I am curious on what everyones views are on this sort of LDR. True physical contact is null. And I have yet to SEE her interact with others. But I honestly believe with all my heart I know EXACTLY who she is. Any thoughts?

All you know of her is what she says/types. It is a true fact, actions speak louder than words. It's also proven we communicate more through body language than anything else. With that being said I think internet relationships are dangerous because we create this idea of what someone is and most often we are let down. I've been in a few relationships that started online and none lasted once we met and were together in person. The reason being because the guy was not all he said he was. It wasn't something like he was a bad guy, it was more like he wasn't as strong of a Christia, he was a push over, and how no direction in his life. People can say all that want but until you actually see it for yourself there is just no way to be sure. I would advise either you observe her with friends and family for a good amount of time or let go and move on. If there is no way you can be in person for awhile, why are you together in the first place? There is no point to continuing something online it will most likely only hurt and disapoint you in the end.

 

[JustLiz87]

Well, I've been using the internet for a really long time now. I'm almost 18 and I've probably had Instant Messengers since I was 13. I know some people haven't had the best experiences with online relationships and I, for one, don't really see how you can have a "real" relationship over the internet, but I have met two guys on the internet. My first experience was rather negative. I had talked to the guy off and on for 3 years and when we met it was wonderful or so it seemed. Yet, he basically was using me and I ended up hurt and alone. He was one of those guys who is afraid of commitment. More recently though, I met a great guy. We met through hotornot.com. Kinda silly, really. We were just looking for people to talk to though. Neither of us wanted a relationship. From the first e-mails, I knew deep down that there was something special about this guy. When we started instant messaging each other, we just clicked. It was really amazing. We would talk for hours about God, life, past relationships, our goals, our problems. It was really a great thing. I loved talking to him and I looked forward to telling him about my days. Well, one day after a relationship of mine fell apart, he was there to talk me through it. And, this is kind of corny, but I said I wish I would find a real man. He said he could show me what a real gentleman was like and suggested we meet. Well, I talked to my parents about it and they okayed it and knew where we were going and stuff like that. I was really nervous. He showed up at my door with a rose and then he wanted me to listen to this sermon on finding a mate that God would approve of. We knew from the beginning that we wanted God to be the center of our relationship. That first date was amazing and it was followed by many more. After a month of dating we became an official couple and we've been dating almost 8 months now. I thank God for him almost every night. We live only an hour away from each other, luckily. He's very supportive of me and very goal-oriented and I am completely in love. I know, it's crazy, but sometimes it works out like that. I just think you have to be careful about it.

 

[Eluzai]

Thanks you guys. It's just that, I had such awful experiences with online dating so it has kinda cast this negativity over the entire issue for me. I don't want to put anyone down for being in an internet relationship or rain on their parade.

- I'm increadibly cynical about people on the internet (usless you've known them for like 2 years or more) cause I've had people lie to me. But thank you for sharing that... people need to realise it can happen to them. I'm just sorry it happened to you. Like I said thank you for sharing that because people (especially women) need to be encouraged to be carefull