Internet relationships

[lovefire]

Ok I have seen several horror stories on internet relationships. Things like "the person may not be who you think". I do agree that you don't get a good sence of who someone is online just by email and instant messages. But I am curious as to what you thought about a relationship when it moves to being over the phone as well (more so than online even)? I have a gf whom I met online. I love her very much (not just emotion but action and dedication). I have been talking with her over the phone these days more than online. I have even talked with her family. Over time I have heard her laugh, cry, and go through many difficult things in her life. I have spoken with her on many views and we have worked at a real relationship.

I am curious on what everyones views are on this sort of LDR. True physical contact is null. And I have yet to SEE her interact with others. But I honestly believe with all my heart I know EXACTLY who she is. Any thoughts?

 

[jepvc4]

And I have yet to SEE her interact with others. But I honestly believe with all my heart I know EXACTLY who she is. Any thoughts?

Be careful of building in your mind an image of who she is, since you haven't met her yet. I would say you could talk to people who have been married over 30 years and they still are discovering new things about each other. My advice would be to GO SLOW, and do not build up extreme expectations so early.

 

[lovefire]

My advice would be to GO SLOW, and do not build up extreme expectations so early.

Would early be considered a year? I do know I will always learn something new about her. But I honestly believe I know enough to deside if I want to be with her or not.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Have you at least met her in person once?

I know for a fact that exclusively online friendships exist and can work extremely well. At least ten or so people I only know from online (mostly forums like this one) I would count among my good friends, and I have never met them in person.

Romantic relationships though, I would say one has to meet someone in person.... there is something to be said for physical chemistry.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Romantic relationships though, I would say one has to meet someone in person.... there is something to be said for physical chemistry.

Well said.

Josh and I met on an internet forum like this one, and we just started talking as friends. But our friendship grew and we talked for almost a whole year before we ever met. I never immagined when we started talking that I would end up going out with him, and getting as serious as we have.
Im so greateful for that year we had getting to know eachother (mostly IM coversations, emails and web cam chats too) because it has given us an amazing foundation to build our relationship on.

Late last winter, he admited his feelings for me, and I for him, but still nothing changed. I was on the east coast, and he was on the west coast, 4000 miles, 4 hour time difference seperating us. At the time, there really wasnt any chance that we would be close enough to ever start something, so we didnt think seriously about it. But God opened doors for me to attend Bible college on the west coast, and although we are still 5 hours apart, we are together.
In saying that, even when it was final that I was moving out here (not for him by any means) we still didnt start a relationship without meeting first. Even then, I really had no idea that we would develop a strong relationship as we have.

I really strongly suggest that you meet her first. Josh was by my side last year when I went through some really rough times, and you can still get to know her and be there for her, even if you are not "together". Although you think you might have great chemistry "on line" it's not always the case. Its easy for someone to be anyone they want to be online. Even on the phone, but until you are with that person, can you really get to know them. Im not suggesting that she is putting on a mask to be someone who she isnt, but you still dont know.
Even though Josh and I talked for a whole year, about anything and everything and I thought we knew eachother really well (how couldnt you? We talked almost every day for hours) Im learning more about him now in these past few months then I ever immagined I could while we were just friends.

Anyways hopefully my story will help.... and above all, pray and ask God for his will to unfold in the relationship.
God Bless

 

[FatBurger]

Fishie summed it up perfectly

 

[TriptychR]

I've just entered the waters in this type of relationship myself and have already been thrown a couple curve balls. There have already been times where I wish I was able to see her and her environment to help me be sure of what she's really thinking. I definitely don't want to start anything until I meet this girl face to face, and even then I'm not sure if the time will be right.

I realize that there's been some diving into things on both our parts, but now I'm convinced that caution is best. It sounds like you have a potentially great thing with this girl, but don't let your feelings take the helm until all the evidence is in place.


...And hey, wait... are Fishie and Fat the ones that are together?

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

...And hey, wait... are Fishie and Fat the ones that are together?

Possibly....

 

[TriptychR]

Possibly....

I've got my eye on you two...

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

I've got my eye on you two...

Ok... so now that makes you and Muzikdude!!!! I guess we really cant act up now eh Josh

 

[KristianJ]

Ok... so now that makes you and Muzikdude!!!! I guess we really cant act up now eh Josh

Wait on...could you please add me to the list, sis? TriptychR, since Candice here is pretty much my cyber sister, I can assure you that the possibly is indeed a possibly!

 

[FatBurger]

Ok... so now that makes you and Muzikdude!!!! I guess we really cant act up now eh Josh

Just means we'll have to be more careful

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Eh, never mind. My opinions on this issue are probably best left unsaid. :-(

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Just means we'll have to be more careful

Ok ok.... I guess we can behave lol...

 

[TriptychR]

Eh, never mind. My opinions on this issue are probably best left unsaid. :-(

Someone should be able to consider all sides of an issue. You shouldn't feel like you have to keep something to yourself.

 

[97trsgl]

I met my fiancee on the Internet and we get along great.

 

[KristianJ]

Eh, never mind. My opinions on this issue are probably best left unsaid. :-(

I would be very surprised if your opinions were to be devalued by anyone here, fluffy_rainbow. People have different experiences - this is part of what leads to diversity of opinions. If you're in an Internet relationship that's a blessing to you (like I am at the moment), then that's great! No person's opinion is the be all and the end all, although it doesn't mean that their two cents worth is meaningless. It's always interesting to see what the thoughts of people are on a particular subject...

 

[Ringu]

you should totally see your online friend. I would not commit to anything unless I decided to have an online marriage and online life.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Thanks you guys. It's just that, I had such awful experiences with online dating so it has kinda cast this negativity over the entire issue for me. I don't want to put anyone down for being in an internet relationship or rain on their parade.

Just to be really candid for a moment. Last summer I was raped by a guy I met online. It devestated me. I thought maybe I just had a very unlucky experience and decided to be more careful. Then I met a guy through a Christian singles group on Yahoo. He was a DJ for a local Christian radio station, sang in a Gospel quartet, and was the leader of his men's Sunday school class. I thought for sure he would be a stable, Christian man. I was wrong. On our first date he tried to coerce me into performing oral sex on him. He claimed he would never get married again, but didn't see anything wrong with sexual encounters and that "God would understand". I was appalled. Then there was another guy whom I was supposed to meet for dinner. He and I chatted online forever, spoke on the phone for months. Then one night he asked me if I was into "age play". When I asked him what that was he informed me that he was really into women dressing up and acting like little girls and calling him "daddy". Then he asked if I would mail him a pair of my panties. I freaked out. That incident scared me so badly I never met him for our date and I had my phone number changed.

I dunno, I just think that there are so many people in the world and it just seems in my personal opinion that meeting people online is the easy way out. I met guys online because it was easy. I was lonely, they were lonely, there was a minimal risk of rejection. They were online looking for the same thing I was...someone to fill that void. Subsequently I was taken advantage of, but then again, I knew what I was getting into.

 

[Sketcher]

"I'm 30, single, handsome, and rich."