Interesting position to be in

[Million Pieces]

I'm not entirely certan this even belongs here, but it seems to be the best place considering the parties involved.

My best friend and my husband hate each other. Seriously, they do.

Best friend Leslie has been divorced twice before the age of 30. She was horrifically abused by her father, and ignored by her mother as a child. She was raped by her husband before they separated, and her children now have absolutely no respect for her, calling her the most vile names. She's just a little bit what you might call jaded. But on the other hand, she trash talks my husband Sheldon very single time we talk. She has an image of him stuck in her head that she just can't seem to allow for growth and change. Her advice for me is to kick his sorry tail to the curb and live like she does -- free of her kids, of responsibility, of any direction or any connection whatsoever with any caring person. But she loves me fiercely. She always understands the emotional crap I carry, and I can tell her anything. ANYthing. and she loves me unconditionally.

Sheldon on the other hand, hates her for her spiteful words about him. To him, she's a harpy, a bad mother, mentally unstable, a selfish so-and-so. Just this morning he was trashing her again to me, and going on about how he feels so belittled when I'm constantly having to defend him to her. He doesn't like how I'm put into that position every time I talk to Leslie.

I said two things to him. "At least I AM defending you. And you're doing precisely the same thing she is. I'm always defending her to you."

I hate being in this position. Defending the two people who mean the most to me, against each other.

 

[unkern]

I would suggest giving your friend some time away from you and maybe a chat explaining how you feel. Your husband is more important than any of your friends. You should probably talk to your husband about his reaction toward her, show him through the bible about forgiveness.

 

[Million Pieces]

I don't see her terribly often, but we talk on the phone a little more often. i'm just un-agressive enough to stand up for myself to her, she's a very dominant personality. As far as dh, he is actually much more forgiving. He already has apologized for putting me in that spot, but I'm not anticipating his feelings changing toward Leslie. Best I can ask him is not to speak about her in that way to me, in deference to my relationship with her.

 

[Autumnleaf]

She is saying bad things about your husband. You should avoid her as much as he should want you to avoid her. It would be like if your husband was friends with a jaded man who said he could do better than you and he had a few single women for your husband to meet...

This woman is no good for your marriage.

 

[leadinglady311]

I don't see it as a position at all. The bottom line is you married your husband, not your friend, so your position is simply with your husband. And the fact that she has anything to say about him is because YOU are giving her ammunition to use against him. Keep your business to yourself because obviously she isn't able to be objective about anything you say about him.

How would you feel if it was on the other foot and it was his friend trash talking you.? That is not cool and if she can't respect that he is YOUR husband, you chose this man regardless of her feelings about him, make that an off the table topic when the two of you speak or you may have to end your friendship because you WILL eventually put a strain on your marriage. It is a horrible feeling to have to feel that your spouse isn't 100% in your corner. You are partners against the world. Make him feel that way. Be blessed.