Interesting Advice.....

[wvmtnkid]

I ran across this advice while doing some reading last week and just thought I would share it here and get some opinions on it. I was reading in the book "If Singleness is a Gift, What is the Return Policy?" (good book, by the way!) and the authors offered this:

"Stop looking for the right person. Be the right person, and you will find the right person."

I have really done alot of thinking on these two statments. Their (the authors) thinking was that singles needed to put as much effort into theirselves becoming the person that God has for them to be, finding their purpose, as they did in seeeking a mate. If they did this and were in God's will, doing what God had from them to do, being the "right person", then the right person for them would naturally be found. Well, that was their theory in a nutshell.

So, what to ya'll think? Good, sound advice or wishful thinking?

 

[msjones21]

I agree wholeheartedly. My mother used to offer me similar advice. She said, "Jennifer, be happy with yourself. If you can't be happy with yourself you will never find a man who will make you happy". Of course, at the time I was in a very lost and dark period in my life, but now Christ is the source of my joy and my prayer is that His love and happiness will radiate through me in everything I do. I don't always succeed at this, but I'm always striving for it.

As far as that quote, I knew up front that God would not entrust His chosen one to me until I got my life in order. He needed to help cultivate me to be a Proverbs woman. I don't think that just because you are the person God wants you to be that *poof* your lifemate will pop out of the sky; however, I believe that what the authors are saying is that you can never find the right person until you are the right person. He won't even send them your way until you are ready.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I don't think that just because you are the person God wants you to be that *poof* your lifemate will pop out of the sky;

Shhhh, don't tell mrstace! I think he has his heart set on Mary Poppins appearing at any moment!!!

 

[mbuc]

"Stop looking for the right person. Be the right person, and you will find the right person."

I agree to a certain extent. Good people tend to attract other good people, and vice versa. That doesn't mean you can stop looking and sit back and wait for things to happen on their own, though. If you want to find someone, you still have to do your part.

 

[urbanfaerie]

heh.. did it happen to say howto be the right person? some of us need instruction pamphlets

thats what i find difficult anyway, quess i needa do some soul searchin..or something like that.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Yeah, I think the hard part is becoming the right person. At least it is for me. I know I went through a time period in my life where I was far from the right person. And I kept getting hurt in every relationship I was in. It wasn't until I stepped back and decided it was time to let God have control for awhile that I was able to break some of that cycle. I am still far from perfect, but I can see the changes He has made in me along the way. It took alot of tears, alot of prayer, and alot of Bible study (which all still continue!). It hasn't happened overnight. I suppose since I still haven't found the right person, He is still working on me?

I guess I am at odds with the whole stop looking part. Should you totally stop looking altogether and fully trust God to bring that person into your life, or do we have some responsibilty in finding that person? The age old question........

 

[Katty]

Both my parents have said this over and over to me even when I was going out with different people. You can't expect someone to be the best at who they are unless you are the best at being yourself also. Its a 2 way street and unless I place standards for myself, how dare I try to set standards for my future mate? I can't expect to meet the "right one" if I can't be the "right one" for that guy. He's out there and I can only hope that when that day comes, I'll be what he truly deserves.

~Katty~

 

[mina]

I think you can still find someone if you aren't the "right" person yet, but it will be amillion times better and more healthy of a relationship if you have worked on being happy with yourself first and have developed yourself into who God wants beforehand.
Two healthy and "right" people will have a stronger relationship than two that still have things to work out about themselfs (or even if it's onesided). You owe it to yourself and your future mate and children to work on that now, so that when you do have those things it will be tremendously wonderful for you and them. Granted God is always working on us and we should never wait until we are "perfect" because we will never be perfect until we see Jesus. But I guess what i'm saying is that while y ou have this time, why not become as wonderful, interesting, and as close to God as you can. You can only win.

 

[Chino]

I've been practicing something similiar to what was posted but how do you measure your rightousness? BTW the plan hasn't exactly worked wonders.

 

[Stanfi]

Hey, Hey, Hey.. Don't knock the Mary Poppins Theory until you have tried it!!! It might work.


Anyway, I agree. If you want to attract a quality person, then you must be a quality person. If you are a basket case, then you are going to attract a basket case. Many, times we think we will meet someone special and they will help us get our lives together. Yeah right! That puts someone in an uncomfortable spot to be responsible for your emotional well being, and they are going to scat like Snyder's hound.

As for sitting still and letting God bring someone to you, this is something that I have been studying out myself. There is a proverb that says "He who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing",.. which says go find, but everyone I have ever met, I didn't go seek, I met them through aquaintances. Then again those didn't go to well. Have you have ever tried to seek someone? It can get rather exhausting, it's not easy to go out and find a good Christian person these days. So, on that note, it almost better to go on with life, and let God handle that, and not wear yourself out.

Also, something else I have been studying. Joy vs. Happiness. Joy comes from God, is inside, and long lasting. Happiness comes from external cirumstances. i.e. meeting someone special.

So why go through the hassele if it's only temporary happiness anyway?

 

[Snowhite]

I think to often people end up worrying more about what their future spouse's charcter will be than developing their own...I know I've been guilty of this. Also, as I've told my girlfriends many times, you can't be happy with someone if you're not happy on your own. Only God can make us truly fulfilled.

 

[caitlincares]

"Stop looking for the right person. Be the right person, and you will find the right person."

So, what to ya'll think? Good, sound advice or wishful thinking?

I agree up to a point.
I think it is important to be content as a (single) person.
That can mean different things to different people.
I am enjoying my alone time to spend more time in the Word.

 

[Bluelighted]

I find that the times when I am not looking or trying so hard, I tend to find love in my life. Right now I am kind of down, but I know there is someone out there for me!

 

[KeilCoppes]

Also, as I've told my girlfriends many times, you can't be happy with someone if you're not happy on your own. Only God can make us truly fulfilled.

Amen! Your spouse can't be your salvation!

And if you want character in your spouse, aren't they worthy of receiving the same?