Insecurities regarding height

[bookstar]

Hello,
I am a christian who struggles with insecurities regarding my height. I am told I am a very attractive man who has been told I can model and have well above average looks. But I have one issue I struggle with and I wish I could get reassurance from the young adult women that my being 5'7" is not unattractive or that because i am shorter then average doesn't mean I am less physically attractive then the taller males. I feel inferior and less attractive because I feel like a child more then I do a man. I guess I just would like to know if women can still find me just as physically attractive as taller statured people.
I realize and have been told it is not the outside appearance that counts but that statement does not correct my issue of feeling unattractive. I know that personality far outweighs looks but I still want to look attractive. I feel most people do. I just want to know that I am and be done with my insecurity regarding my height.
I have prayed about this and am seeing a christian counselor but I still struggle when I am out in public, even if I do have a handsome face. I still feel not handsome because of my shorter stature. Am I wrong in the way I think or is it true that women may not give me the time or day and not think I am handsome because I am not tall? I guess I just need reassurance that at least the majority of the opposite sex doesn't see shorter men as inferior or less physically attractive. I have been told by quite a few different epople that my looks make up for it or my or anyone's height doesn't have anything to do with looking physically attractive. I just still am struggling in truely believing it myself. I picture myself standing next to a tall person and I just can't get past feeling less attractive.
The media says most women go for tall men. they say tall men are the most successful etc....
That is where i get my insecurities. As a result, I am out in public feeling unattractive physically, even though people tell me I am handsome. What should i do? How can I know the truth? What is the truth?
Any comments and suggestions welcome. Thank you all ;-)

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Um... for one I'd say make one post in one forum, then reference it concisely with a link in others

As for my advice, see one of your other posts.

 

[Buzz Dixon]

Do you realize how many guys 5'6" and under would kneecap their grandmothers to have that extra inch?

Don't use your height as a reason to hide behind insecurity. Some of the most macho guys I've ever known -- football players, combat vets, gang members, etc. -- were under 5'4".

 

[DDR_Pro]

I know alot of older guys(like 18+) that are shorter than that! One of those people is about 5'5" and I know a guy 5'4" they hate being short and would trade with you in an instant. But being short is no reason to be insecure. God made you just the way he wanted you to be.

 

[sweetmercy]

My advice to you: read Psalm 139, and realize that God gave you your height for a reason!
Also, realize that your height may be an advantage...short girls like me (I'm 5'0) usually like to date guys that don't tower over them (it can make kissing and hugging while standing kind of awkward!), so maybe the woman God has for you is a shortie too!
Jen

 

[silentpoet]

I used to want to grow to be 6 foot tall. But about 5 foot 7 is where I ended up. I have accepted this aspect of myself. I have pretty decent leverages for lifting.

 

[97trsgl]

My dad is 5'7 and has been married for 35 years now

 

[Mayzoo]

I am 5' 7"...my husband is 5' 5". We have been married 14 great years. I find him to be the only attractive man in the world for me. Does that help?

 

[Tuffguy]

Do you realize how many guys 5'6" and under would kneecap their grandmothers to have that extra inch?

Don't use your height as a reason to hide behind insecurity. Some of the most macho guys I've ever known -- football players, combat vets, gang members, etc. -- were under 5'4".

Yeah,,i call that "short guy complex". Its when short guys get overly aggressive to make up for being short. I can't stand short aggressive guys that have nothing to put up but rough words.
Please don't be one of these people. It will get ya nowhere.

 

[Singin4Him]

5'7? That's it? You do know that is an average height right? I'm sorry this may seem very insensitve but this thread kind gets to me.

Basically you're saying God did a bad job at his creation, right? Do you think that it's even remotely possible God might have screwed up? Obviously not. The Lord made no mistakes in what he created including you. You shouldn't insult the Lord by insulting yourself. In all honesty it's a bit shallow to sit around and be concerned about how tall you are and whether or not it's attractive to women. Who cares what women think? The right one will love you despite whatever flaws you may think you have.

Now I can say this because my husband is 5'4. I'd say he did pretty good in life at not being concerned with his height. He's an amzing godly man and he's a hottie lol. The Lord knew what he was doing when he hooked us up because I'm only 4'11. I used to date guys that were nearly 6ft or 6ft and when I met my husband it was so wonderful to actually be able to hug a guy and have a shoulder to rest my head on lol or not have to strain my neck to look up at him. God has the perfect woman for you and she's the only woman that matters anyway. I wouldn't even consider you short honestly. If you think about it most women are under 5'7. Don't be so concerned with your height, there are bigger things in life to be concerned about. Give it to God.

 

[bliz]

Get over it.

Do you have any idea how unattractive men who are uncomfortable with their bodies are? No matter how many women tell you they think you are attractive, you are not going to believe it until you believe it.

It really doesn't matter how attractive you are or aren't. What matters is you being comfortable with the body God gave you. Perhaps you need some counseling. You seem to have some sense of entitlement - like you deserve to be 6' 4".

 

[jenptcfan]

Don't let your height mess you up mentally. I have seen a height complex in action, so I don't doubt that you do feel really insecure, but just don't use that as an excuse to try to "make up for it". You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. There are so many more important character qualities that will attract a woman to you. Just be the most Godly man you can be.

 

[Cright]

my fincee is 5'7"

 

[mlukas]

My name is Mark, I am 5'6" and I WOULD kneecap my own grandmother for another inch
That being said...
Don't let it get to you, I've been the "short kid" my whole life and if you are feeling insecure the best advice I can give you is; fake it until you make it. I admit, sometimes I do feel like a kid around taller people BUT if I just believe and treat myself like the man I am, everything is fine.
The women issue, don't worry about it. I've got experience on this one My GF, who is very beautiful, and fun, and smart, and witty, is 5'11"! Yes, five foot, eleven inches! And the height thing has never been an issue. I love her, she loves me and that is that.
Just so you know this is not an isolated incident...
My GF's roomate is also about 5'11" and her BF is the same height as me! No kidding! My GF and I were kind of laughing the first time we went out with them because, we felt, it was the first time we could "see" what we looked like together. And you know what, it looked pretty good!
Point is this, if height is THAT big of a deal to any woman (or man, just to be fair ladies...) that person is probably too shallow and too vain anyway and not worth dating.
Hope this helps, if you need to talk feel free to email me directly

M

 

[IrishGob]

See that wonderful guy up there? ^^^^ Mlukas is my boyfriend, and I'm his beautiful, witty and charming (and humble ..) 5'11" girlfriend.

You know what attracted me to him? His heart. His love of God, his kindness, compassion and faith. I think he's really handsome too, but I fell in love with his soul. At first I may have felt a bit odd about being so tall, but really it doesn't matter. Alot of people think it's hot seeing a tall woman with a shorter guy. Think of the tall model/shorter rock star combo. (Now I know we aren't trying to make models and rock stars our role models so don't go bashing me for that ...) I'm just sayng it doesn't look as bad as you think. And alot of my female friends wouldn't have a problem dating a guy shorter than them.

If a woman is going to be so shallow that she crosses you off of her list because you aren't tall, well, you are better off. Because then you know you aren't getting a shallow ditz for a girlfriend.


Here are some wonderfully talented guys who are 5'8" or under:

Elijah Wood 5'5"

Tom Cruise 5'7"

Larry Mullen (drummer, U2) 5'7"

Bono (singer, U2) Says 5'8" but I'm guessing more along the lines of 5'7". The shoes he wears have 2"soles...

Dustin Hoffman 5'5"

Eddie Vedder (singer, Pearl Jam)5'7"

Gael Garcia Bernal 5'6"

Al Pacino 5'7"

Tobey Maguire 5'7"

Sean Astin 5'6"

Sylvester Stallone 5'6"

Their height never stopped them from achieving their goals...

If you have any more concerns or want me to pray for you - PM me, ok?

G

 

[IrishGob]

 

[IrishGob]

Get over it.

Do you have any idea how unattractive men who are uncomfortable with their bodies are? No matter how many women tell you they think you are attractive, you are not going to believe it until you believe it.

It really doesn't matter how attractive you are or aren't. What matters is you being comfortable with the body God gave you. Perhaps you need some counseling. You seem to have some sense of entitlement - like you deserve to be 6' 4".

YOU get over it. How about showing some compassion? What a nasty post. maybe you weren't trying to come off like an arrogant pious jerk, but you did.

PS: Do you have any idea how unattractive women who are uncomfortable with men who have valid concerns are?

 

[invisiblebabe]

YOU get over it. How about showing some compassion? What a nasty post. maybe you weren't trying to come off like an arrogant pious jerk, but you did.

PS: Do you have any idea how unattractive women who are uncomfortable with men who have valid concerns are?

Agreed with Irish. You don't know what it's like to deal with growing up in THE most looks-obsessed generation EVER... so I'll tell you what it feels like (yes, even among the Christian crowd).... it's one big competition, and you feel like you're always losing. And the bar's been raised now that we have contact lenses, braces, etc. So unless you think you could hack it in college in 2004, be quiet.

 

[invisiblebabe]

5'7? That's it? You do know that is an average height right? I'm sorry this may seem very insensitve but this thread kind gets to me.

Basically you're saying God did a bad job at his creation, right? Do you think that it's even remotely possible God might have screwed up? Obviously not. The Lord made no mistakes in what he created including you. You shouldn't insult the Lord by insulting yourself. In all honesty it's a bit shallow to sit around and be concerned about how tall you are and whether or not it's attractive to women. Who cares what women think? The right one will love you despite whatever flaws you may think you have.

Now I can say this because my husband is 5'4. I'd say he did pretty good in life at not being concerned with his height. He's an amzing godly man and he's a hottie lol. The Lord knew what he was doing when he hooked us up because I'm only 4'11. I used to date guys that were nearly 6ft or 6ft and when I met my husband it was so wonderful to actually be able to hug a guy and have a shoulder to rest my head on lol or not have to strain my neck to look up at him. God has the perfect woman for you and she's the only woman that matters anyway. I wouldn't even consider you short honestly. If you think about it most women are under 5'7. Don't be so concerned with your height, there are bigger things in life to be concerned about. Give it to God.

While I don't doubt you have the right heart... as someone who has struggled with insecurities regarding appearances (acne in my case), I can tell you that it's simply not that easy. What people say (and sometimes don't say) about your appearance can wound you, sometimes quite deeply. It's not something that takes maybe a week of praying about and then it goes away, either. It can take years, and then some.

I also do not agree with implying that by having insecurities, we insinuate that God has made a mistake. It is more of an issue of dealing with people's perceptions and feeling that one does not measure up. God made us relational beings, and we do need human affirmation. We are to rely on God first, of course, but as long as we do not put man's approval above God's, to need or want human affirmation (feeling that other humans find you attractive in this case) is not wrong.

 

[sculpturegirl]

Confidence is such a big issue for women. My brother is a handsome 5'6" or 5'7" and every girl in high school wanted to go out with him! He is a godly man who is not insecure and women certianly pick up on that! He ended up marrying a very beautiful 5'2" girl. I like the list of famous men!

I think that we each have a "thorn" of insecurities. I use to have an eating disorder, thinking that at 115 pound I was too fat! When I came to terms with it and God healed me, I was very comfortable wth my body, but then developed adult acne. *sigh* Now, I have those insecurities. I have met a man who thinks I am the prettiest girl in the world. Insecurities are real and very damaging. God is also very real and His healing is available to us. God is eager to make you whole!!