Inner beauty?

[the_man]

These are really a few thoughts that have been on my mind for quite some time. I wanted to put some of them down on 'paper' and see what the rest of you think. (I will be disappointed if everyone agreed with me, but even more so if those that disagree didn't clarify their reasoning).

When we use the term inner beauty, we usually are refering to that beauty that is manifest thru the Holy Spirit living in us. That is, when we have the Holy Spirit in us, the main (earthly) influence this has on us is in our character. When we have inner beauty, we are kind to our neighbors, we think of others higher than ourselves, our attitude is in service not in what we can gain for ourselves. When we have inner beauty, we are fair in our dealings, we do not lie or cheat, we are patient and kind to one another. The fruits of the spirit is manifest in our lives.

Most of the time that I've seen inner beauty used on this board is in relation to what to look for in a potential mate. A typical conversation goes like this:

Person1: "I'd really like to be with someone that is gorgeous"
Person2: "That's great, but I think inner beauty is more important"

I don't disagree with person2 and I agree with person1. However this is where I start to take issue. I think we sometimes misuse inner beauty. I think we use it as a crutch, a fall back because it is far much safer to talk about inner beauty than it is outer beauty. I mean, think of it. Inner beauty (by it's nature) is hidden, it is not easily observed. Therefore it is easier to hide behind it especially in debates of outer vs inner beauty. One can easily resign to say "I'm beautiful on the inside and thats all that matters". But are we really beautiful on the inside? Are we? (For those that are still with me, this is main question number 1: Do we hide behind inner beauty?)

When I think of my inner 'beauty' I think of Romans 7:21-25 where Paul states (bold is my emphasis):

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I find that my inner 'beauty' has nothing to do with myself but only that Christ is in me. Does that just equate what we deem inner beauty with being a Christian? (not just calling yourself one, but actually being one). That is when someone says, "inner beauty is more important", to me they are just saying that the fact that you would marry a Christian is far more important that the looks and personality of such a person. (I wholeheartedly agree). Is this what everyone is saying? Or are there other meanings behind it? (Those that read on to this point, this is main question number 2: Is being merely a Christian what call having inner beauty? If not, what is inner beauty and how do you measure it?).

NOTE: Please don't make this thread about physical beauty or personality. If you want to draw reference from it that's fine but, I don't want either to dominate our discussions.

 

[Sketcher]

A Christian can be too unrefined to really be called beautiful. I mean, we are forgiven, but far from perfect. We are redeemed, but sin rears its ugly head in our day-to-day. We have been made beautiful in the eternal sense, but have a long way to go as far as life on earth is concerned. And that is what we need to look at when considering a mate. After all, we are going to have to deal with their sins again and again. There are some sins that are more likely to affect me and any children that might come by, that's why Proverbs is loaded with advice on what kind of woman to choose. A woman can still be a foolish woman the day after she was saved, because she hasn't been refined yet. Is it a good idea to date such a woman? I don't think so! (It goes both ways, BTW. My best friend got saved in jail, and if he started dating the day he got out, well I would feel sorry for the woman.)

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Inner beauty is a complex thing. You would think that a Chrstian would naturally possess these qualities, but its not always the case.

It's of course is comprised of someone that radiates the Holy Spirit from within and from their actions. It means to be consumed of the Fruits of the Spirit. Inner beauty means to walk in love (and treating everyone accordingly), to posses intergrity, a love for God, compassionte, and a whole host of other goldly characteristics and behaviors.

But most importantly, all this is evident in the fruit that the person bears. All this combined means that you are not consumed nor governed by with the ways and standards of this world. Nor to you operate according to the ways and standards of this world. You operate according to the Word and the Word only. For example, someone that only talked to certain types of women/men because of the way they looked is contrary to seeing the inner beauty within a person.

For one, if God is no respector of persons (either by looks, good deeds, etc.), what gives us the green light to sift and sort whom we will talk/associate with simply based on looks? If anything, if it was based on the person's character (ie inner beauty) then it would make more sense to me (ie lack of integrity or somethng of that nature).

So when I think a person says they look for inner beauty, they are seeking someone that knows what is important BIBLICALLY and who's heart lines up with that in everything they do - and not justconcerning areas of their life where they want God to intervene.

 

[the_man]

A Christian can be too unrefined to really be called beautiful. I mean, we are forgiven, but far from perfect. We are redeemed, but sin rears its ugly head in our day-to-day. We have been made beautiful in the eternal sense, but have a long way to go as far as life on earth is concerned. And that is what we need to look at when considering a mate. After all, we are going to have to deal with their sins again and again. There are some sins that are more likely to affect me and any children that might come by, that's why Proverbs is loaded with advice on what kind of woman to choose. A woman can still be a foolish woman the day after she was saved, because she hasn't been refined yet. Is it a good idea to date such a woman? I don't think so! (It goes both ways, BTW. My best friend got saved in jail, and if he started dating the day he got out, well I would feel sorry for the woman.)

Awesome points twistedsketch It leads me to another question though, how do we measure such beauty? Is it by the way one deals with their sins? Is it the actual sins that they deal with? Surely it cannot be length of time in being a Christian can it? (for example, Paul was radically reformed when he was confronted, some of the disciples still had doubts even after spending a lot of time with Christ Himself).

 

[the_man]

Very well said Beauty.

But most importantly, all this is evident in the fruit that the person bears.

Does this imply that it is by their fruit, we measure their beauty?

 

[Sketcher]

Awesome points twistedsketch It leads me to another question though, how do we measure such beauty? Is it by the way one deals with their sins? Is it the actual sins that they deal with? Surely it cannot be length of time in being a Christian can it? (for example, Paul was radically reformed when he was confronted, some of the disciples still had doubts even after spending a lot of time with Christ Himself).

It's the way one deals with temptations, trials, and sins. If you're quick to pick up on the spiritual side of things and do something about it (pray, repent, turn some area over to God, whatever) that definitely shows as spiritual beauty. Also, if someone is at least decently sanctified in one of those critical areas of life, that is inner beauty.

 

[the_man]

It's the way one deals with temptations, trials, and sins. If you're quick to pick up on the spiritual side of things and do something about it (pray, repent, turn some area over to God, whatever) that definitely shows as spiritual beauty. Also, if someone is at least decently sanctified in one of those critical areas of life, that is inner beauty.

Interesting. Good points though.

 

[JPPT1974]

These are really a few thoughts that have been on my mind for quite some time. I wanted to put some of them down on 'paper' and see what the rest of you think. (I will be disappointed if everyone agreed with me, but even more so if those that disagree didn't clarify their reasoning).

When we use the term inner beauty, we usually are refering to that beauty that is manifest thru the Holy Spirit living in us. That is, when we have the Holy Spirit in us, the main (earthly) influence this has on us is in our character. When we have inner beauty, we are kind to our neighbors, we think of others higher than ourselves, our attitude is in service not in what we can gain for ourselves. When we have inner beauty, we are fair in our dealings, we do not lie or cheat, we are patient and kind to one another. The fruits of the spirit is manifest in our lives.

Most of the time that I've seen inner beauty used on this board is in relation to what to look for in a potential mate. A typical conversation goes like this:

Person1: "I'd really like to be with someone that is gorgeous"
Person2: "That's great, but I think inner beauty is more important"

I don't disagree with person2 and I agree with person1. However this is where I start to take issue. I think we sometimes misuse inner beauty. I think we use it as a crutch, a fall back because it is far much safer to talk about inner beauty than it is outer beauty. I mean, think of it. Inner beauty (by it's nature) is hidden, it is not easily observed. Therefore it is easier to hide behind it especially in debates of outer vs inner beauty. One can easily resign to say "I'm beautiful on the inside and thats all that matters". But are we really beautiful on the inside? Are we? (For those that are still with me, this is main question number 1: Do we hide behind inner beauty?)

When I think of my inner 'beauty' I think of Romans 7:21-25 where Paul states (bold is my emphasis):

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I find that my inner 'beauty' has nothing to do with myself but only that Christ is in me. Does that just equate what we deem inner beauty with being a Christian? (not just calling yourself one, but actually being one). That is when someone says, "inner beauty is more important", to me they are just saying that the fact that you would marry a Christian is far more important that the looks and personality of such a person. (I wholeheartedly agree). Is this what everyone is saying? Or are there other meanings behind it? (Those that read on to this point, this is main question number 2: Is being merely a Christian what call having inner beauty? If not, what is inner beauty and how do you measure it?).

NOTE: Please don't make this thread about physical beauty or personality. If you want to draw reference from it that's fine but, I don't want either to dominate our discussions.

I know what you mean as inner beauty if much more beautiful and attractive than outside beauty. Thanks for everything you provided.

 

[Eagle_Wings]

What is inner beauty? Like someone else mentioned it's complicated and complex, I don't think you can name it as any one thing, like being a Christian or something like that. I do believe that inner beauty is measured by fruit, else how would it be seen? It's definitely seen by their actions, how they respond to situations and other people. The strongest illustration that I have of this, and what really drove the point home for me is Joel Sonnenburg.

I first became aware of Joel on a tv series called Sue Thomas FB Eye. He played a character who had been severly burned in a fire and when they first showed him I thought someone had done an awesome make-up job. Well, about half way through the show, before a commercial, they did a little spiel on Joel and his new book. As it turns out it was no make-up job; Joel had over 85% of his body burned when a tanker collided with his family's car when he was just about 2 yrs old. He would def make most people look twice and maybe even repulse some. (Which I just totally don't get, but I guess that's another subject!) They have a scene in the show where they are in the park and a soccer ball gets away from some grade school kids, ending up at Joel's feet. You get the classic camera shot of the kid's face dropping when he sees Joel, but then it shows Joel taking the soccer ball over to the group of kids, just talking to them like everything is normal and showing them some soccer tricks. That is a truly beautiful person. I know...that was all script, but I've spent some time on Joel's site and have learned more about him and that is just so him. Perfect example of a person's inner traits or qualities making them a beautiful person.

I guess I have such a hard time describing what inner beauty is because it's the way I've been raised. Kind of like the saying goes, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Maybe it's because I am a stutterer and have always struggled with the misconceptions it gives and being raised by a stutterer my mom always ingrained into me that it's truly what is on the inside that counts.

Am I initially attracted to a guy due to physical looks, you bet. But I am also a people watcher and I def pay alot of attention to the way the person acts and responds, so I am pretty quick to pick up on their character and to me that really affects their "appearences." I guess that's why I've never come across someone that I would say is ugly...I just naturally look at what's on the inside. Even a person who is nasty on the inside, I wouldn't say it makes them ugly or repulsive, but it def makes them unattractive. I guess it all comes down to a person's definition of words.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on!

 

[carmi]

When I think of my inner 'beauty' I think of Romans 7:21-25 where Paul states (bold is my emphasis):

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I sincerely hope nobody is reading this but I once made a search for my inner beauty and found myself standing in front of an abyss. So, yes I think of Paul's statement when it comes to my inner beauty.

I find that my inner 'beauty' has nothing to do with myself but only that Christ is in me.

I agree with this. I think inner beauty is volatile. I have Paul's "and quench not the Spirit" in mind. The Spirit is the same but we don't give Him always the same space. I didn't put that right. I don't always follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Christ is often really hidden in me. At those times my inner beauty is very low.

 

[the_man]

I find this quite interesting.

I created two threads a few weeks ago, Are you attractive? in which we talked about the physical side of attraction and this thread Inner Beauty where we are supposed to talk about the inner side of attraction and what that means to us. I created both because I know there are a lot of people that cannot talk about physical attraction without mention something about inner beauty, but aparently we can't have an indepth discussion about inner beauty by itself. A lot of people say 'well, I may not be the pretiest person on the outside, but on the inside I'm beautiful' . . . really? What does that mean? The fact that most people aren't willing to discuss this is what I find quite interesting. Thanks to those few that did participate in this discussion.

 

[Sketcher]

It's definitely seen by their actions, how they respond to situations and other people. The strongest illustration that I have of this, and what really drove the point home for me is Joel Sonnenburg.

I first became aware of Joel on a tv series called Sue Thomas FB Eye. He played a character who had been severly burned in a fire and when they first showed him I thought someone had done an awesome make-up job. Well, about half way through the show, before a commercial, they did a little spiel on Joel and his new book. As it turns out it was no make-up job; Joel had over 85% of his body burned when a tanker collided with his family's car when he was just about 2 yrs old. He would def make most people look twice and maybe even repulse some. (Which I just totally don't get, but I guess that's another subject!) They have a scene in the show where they are in the park and a soccer ball gets away from some grade school kids, ending up at Joel's feet. You get the classic camera shot of the kid's face dropping when he sees Joel, but then it shows Joel taking the soccer ball over to the group of kids, just talking to them like everything is normal and showing them some soccer tricks. That is a truly beautiful person. I know...that was all script, but I've spent some time on Joel's site and have learned more about him and that is just so him. Perfect example of a person's inner traits or qualities making them a beautiful person.

Sonnenburg spoke at my church several years ago on grace and forgiveness, namely how he's been able to forgive the drunk driver of the tanker truck. He really lets you know that forgiving is not forgetting!

 

[Eagle_Wings]

Sonnenburg spoke at my church several years ago on grace and forgiveness, namely how he's been able to forgive the drunk driver of the tanker truck. He really lets you know that forgiving is not forgetting!

I really want to go hear him speak sometime...I can't even imagine everything he's gone through growing up...yet by the same token I bet he can't even begin to imagine growing up like everyone else.

It's got to be hard to forget when you have to look in the mirror everyday.

 

[nhzname]

These are really a few thoughts that have been on my mind for quite some time. I wanted to put some of them down on 'paper' and see what the rest of you think. (I will be disappointed if everyone agreed with me, but even more so if those that disagree didn't clarify their reasoning).

When we use the term inner beauty, we usually are refering to that beauty that is manifest thru the Holy Spirit living in us. That is, when we have the Holy Spirit in us, the main (earthly) influence this has on us is in our character. When we have inner beauty, we are kind to our neighbors, we think of others higher than ourselves, our attitude is in service not in what we can gain for ourselves. When we have inner beauty, we are fair in our dealings, we do not lie or cheat, we are patient and kind to one another. The fruits of the spirit is manifest in our lives.

Most of the time that I've seen inner beauty used on this board is in relation to what to look for in a potential mate. A typical conversation goes like this:

Person1: "I'd really like to be with someone that is gorgeous"
Person2: "That's great, but I think inner beauty is more important"

I don't disagree with person2 and I agree with person1. However this is where I start to take issue. I think we sometimes misuse inner beauty. I think we use it as a crutch, a fall back because it is far much safer to talk about inner beauty than it is outer beauty. I mean, think of it. Inner beauty (by it's nature) is hidden, it is not easily observed. Therefore it is easier to hide behind it especially in debates of outer vs inner beauty. One can easily resign to say "I'm beautiful on the inside and thats all that matters". But are we really beautiful on the inside? Are we? (For those that are still with me, this is main question number 1: Do we hide behind inner beauty?)

When I think of my inner 'beauty' I think of Romans 7:21-25 where Paul states (bold is my emphasis):

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God–through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I find that my inner 'beauty' has nothing to do with myself but only that Christ is in me. Does that just equate what we deem inner beauty with being a Christian? (not just calling yourself one, but actually being one). That is when someone says, "inner beauty is more important", to me they are just saying that the fact that you would marry a Christian is far more important that the looks and personality of such a person. (I wholeheartedly agree). Is this what everyone is saying? Or are there other meanings behind it? (Those that read on to this point, this is main question number 2: Is being merely a Christian what call having inner beauty? If not, what is inner beauty and how do you measure it?).

NOTE: Please don't make this thread about physical beauty or personality. If you want to draw reference from it that's fine but, I don't want either to dominate our discussions.

You know 'man' when I first looked at this thread, I thought it was too long to read, so I didn't bother with it then. But tonight, reading your comments, and others, I guess I can throw my 2 cents worth in right about now.

On the long drive today/tonight, I was talking to the Lord about what's going on with me. (I'm in a "What now?" and "What am I supposed to think about this?" type of valley.) The only time I seem to get like this is when I feel I'm not close enough to Him, and my 'moods' and 'tudes' reflect that. This ties in completely with your post, which is why He brings me here tonight.

The inner beauty that affects all that I am is only at its best when Christ is shining through me. When I am walking upright and holy before the Lord, there is no concern about anything - there is no question about 'what's going on' or 'what now', because I'm trusting in Him - allowing His Holy Spirit to reign in me. Outside of Him, I don't see any beauty, no even physically.

I never say that I'm looking for the inner beauty in a man. I see the man first, and only as I get to know him will I see what he's truly made of. If Christ lives in Him, I will see His beauty shining through, and vise versa.

Yeah, I know I'm long winded. Sorry.

Thanx for quoting Paul - one of my favorites - It totally helps me keep things in perspective.

 

[the_man]

You know 'man' when I first looked at this thread, I thought it was too long to read, so I didn't bother with it then.

*snip*

Thanx for quoting Paul - one of my favorites - It totally helps me keep things in perspective.

I'll keep that in mind next time, heh

Thanks for posting nhzname.

 

[Nico]

I find that my inner 'beauty' has nothing to do with myself but only that Christ is in me. Does that just equate what we deem inner beauty with being a Christian? (not just calling yourself one, but actually being one). That is when someone says, "inner beauty is more important", to me they are just saying that the fact that you would marry a Christian is far more important that the looks and personality of such a person. (I wholeheartedly agree). Is this what everyone is saying? Or are there other meanings behind it? (Those that read on to this point, this is main question number 2: Is being merely a Christian what call having inner beauty? If not, what is inner beauty and how do you measure it?).

[/color]

hmmmm. as usual i will probably ramble incoherently, but what can ya do?

i'm not sure i believe that being a christian is what gives someone inner beauty. there are non-christians that i know who have inner beauty, and christians who don't. that being said, there is a lot of inner beauty that stems from the Holy Spirit, those fruits that others have been talking about. although, as i think about the non-christians i know who are more beautiful due to their inside, often the characteristics that have made them that way are very christian attributes--kindness, gentleness, spirit of love....i find it hard to define, and for that matter, measure, b/c as with physical beauty it seems to manifest itself differently in different people. i couldn't come up with a list of inner beauty attributes just as i can't really come up with a list of outer beauty attributes. but i know it when i see it and feel it. i know some "general" outer beatuy characteristics that i tend to be more attracted to, but there are a whole lotta people that i find beautiful that don't fit that description. and the same would go with the inner beauty thing. i could come up with some general things that i find soulfully beautiful, but i judge it more on when i meet them. it's something that you sense. but now as i'm thinking some more, another thing that seems to be a part of thi iner beauty thing is sincerity. a sincerity in their love for others, a sincerity in their joyfullness, whatever it may be.

and if i may start talking about myself, i was thinking about what i found attractive in others and i got to thinking about how a lot of my friends (most of whom are all very concerned with physical looks) will get all into a guy cause he's so hot, but when i meet him, i don't get it. and i wondered why this was. i have definitely been unattracted to attractive people or was really attracted to a "not so attractive" guy. and i realized it was because i'm looking for my soul mate and so when i meet a guy i look more into his soul rather than his looks. this goes for how i choose my friends as well. if someone's soul "jives" with mine, then i'm attracted to them. the thing is, i don't know what it is that causes our souls to jive. i have no clue. all i know is that i feel it.

 

[Eagle_Wings]

hmmmm. as usual i will probably ramble incoherently, but what can ya do?

i'm not sure i believe that being a christian is what gives someone inner beauty. there are non-christians that i know who have inner beauty, and christians who don't. that being said, there is a lot of inner beauty that stems from the Holy Spirit, those fruits that others have been talking about. although, as i think about the non-christians i know who are more beautiful due to their inside, often the characteristics that have made them that way are very christian attributes--kindness, gentleness, spirit of love....i find it hard to define, and for that matter, measure, b/c as with physical beauty it seems to manifest itself differently in different people. i couldn't come up with a list of inner beauty attributes just as i can't really come up with a list of outer beauty attributes. but i know it when i see it and feel it. i know some "general" outer beatuy characteristics that i tend to be more attracted to, but there are a whole lotta people that i find beautiful that don't fit that description. and the same would go with the inner beauty thing. i could come up with some general things that i find soulfully beautiful, but i judge it more on when i meet them. it's something that you sense. but now as i'm thinking some more, another thing that seems to be a part of thi iner beauty thing is sincerity. a sincerity in their love for others, a sincerity in their joyfullness, whatever it may be.

and if i may start talking about myself, i was thinking about what i found attractive in others and i got to thinking about how a lot of my friends (most of whom are all very concerned with physical looks) will get all into a guy cause he's so hot, but when i meet him, i don't get it. and i wondered why this was. i have definitely been unattracted to attractive people or was really attracted to a "not so attractive" guy. and i realized it was because i'm looking for my soul mate and so when i meet a guy i look more into his soul rather than his looks. this goes for how i choose my friends as well. if someone's soul "jives" with mine, then i'm attracted to them. the thing is, i don't know what it is that causes our souls to jive. i have no clue. all i know is that i feel it.

You know, I have been giving this alot of thought and trying to find the right words to explain exactly what I think of inner beauty, with no luck. But, Nico, you hit it right on the head, word for word!! Especially when you mentioned about looking for your soul mate and choosing your friends.

 

[woman.at.the.well]

Honestly . .I don't think we can "hide behind" inner beauty for too awfully long the_man. As for what constitutes inner beauty I would have to say it is that which resembles Christ most - so in short, you are correct in stating beauty pertains to our fruit. I agree with you on that!

It has to do with our integrity as a person. What are we really like - down deep as a person. Which better be like Christ Who exampled to us True Fruit of The Spirit.

 

[the_man]

Honestly . .I don't think we can "hide behind" inner beauty for too awfully long the_man.

You are correct, peoples fruit will eventually show.

I was really just trying to make the point that sometimes we use inner beauty as a cop out because no one can measure it (on this board or having met someone a few times). That it is easy for one to claim that they are beautiful on the inside, because those that they proclaim this to usually don't know them enough to judge.

As for what constitutes inner beauty I would have to say it is that which resembles Christ most - so in short, you are correct in stating beauty pertains to our fruit. I agree with you on that!

It has to do with our integrity as a person. What are we really like - down deep as a person. Which better be like Christ Who exampled to us True Fruit of The Spirit.

Now, this raises the next interesting question. In physical beauty there is no ideal. For example: some men like skinny women, some men like women with curves. Some women like tall men, some prefer short. In inner beauty (defined as being most Christ-like), Christ is the ideal. He is the ideal and everyone strives for it. Surely there will be people closer to being like Christ than others. What is the threshold? What is the acceptable limit? OR, would it be similar to the physical realm, knowing that everyone has blemishes, one has to be able to take the Christ-likeness with the Christ-notness (one has to find an acceptable limit of the good and the bad)?

 

[the_man]

hmmmm. as usual i will probably ramble incoherently, but what can ya do?

Perhaps, but as usual, you provoke me to thinking.

i'm not sure i believe that being a christian is what gives someone inner beauty. there are non-christians that i know who have inner beauty, and christians who don't. that being said, there is a lot of inner beauty that stems from the Holy Spirit, those fruits that others have been talking about. although, as i think about the non-christians i know who are more beautiful due to their inside, often the characteristics that have made them that way are very christian attributes--kindness, gentleness, spirit of love

Very true. You make an excellent point. I purposefully excluded non-christians from this discussion for a couple reasons. a) the underlying motive for these threads are 'what we should look for in a mate', in my view, non-christians are outside this scope. b) the complexity of including them in the discussion would side track from some of the points I would want to get to (I wouldn't want it to turn into a debate on whether non-christians can be beautiful and if we should seek them as mates). However, by your own admission, Christ-like attributes, attributes manifested by abiding in Christ ("I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.") are no small part in what constitutes inner beauty.

....i find it hard to define, and for that matter, measure, b/c as with physical beauty it seems to manifest itself differently in different people.

Indeed. Very insightful. Part of Christ-likeness is to show love. People show love and accept love in very different ways. E.g. love languages. Some prefer hugs while others prefer words of encouragement. One is apt to show love the way they know best; and that is by how they receive love best.

i have definitely been unattracted to attractive people or was really attracted to a "not so attractive" guy.

I would expect this. The way of a man and a woman has a lot more to do than mere physical attraction. However, I'm glad you said "not so attractive" guy, implying that this guy, even though by your own standards may not be as attractive as others, but is certainly not unpleasant to look at either. My point is that we can draw from this parallel to inner beauty. We know that no one is perfect (inner or outer) and some would be more beautiful (inner and outer) than others. But as with physical attraction (beauty), there is threshold that has to be reached to consider someone as a mate.

The other thing is that, we should not think that an attractive person on the outside is mutually exclusive with an being an attractive person on the inside. We cannot make the mistake of thinking there is a direct trade off between the two.

i'm looking for my soul mate and so when i meet a guy i look more into his soul rather than his looks. this goes for how i choose my friends as well. if someone's soul "jives" with mine, then i'm attracted to them. the thing is, i don't know what it is that causes our souls to jive. i have no clue. all i know is that i feel it.

I would expect this as well (i.e. looking to his soul rather than looks). His soul can give you infinitely more than his looks can. However, I would point out that you cannot marry any of your friends correct? I mean if I told you to cast lots with all your male friends and whoever wins you marry. You probably would not be amused. There has to be more to the soul "jive" that allows for your (marriage) relationship. I am not saying it is not important...actually, it is part of the bare minimum...but it in itself cannot be everything. Part of the extra (I believe) is the attraction (both inner and outer).