Infj

[Beauty4Ashes]

sorry boaz.


often my ideas get unheard, like in a group situaton, even if though I'm quite sure I spoke it loudly, it's like what I said wasnt heard....hmm...weird.

 

[BoazB]

Wow, that's really rough, BoazB! I would be seething. I can't stand people exerting power in a negative way and of late I have been lashing back. (This after a lifetime of taking it in because I couldn't think on my feet....)

Say, do others IN's feel that sometimes people don't believe you when you offer a suggestion or solution? As an intuitive person, I often see the big picture without logging in all the details. (Sensing people tend to be detail oriented or more "concrete" in their thinking.) I, of course, think my idea makes perfect sense, but I can tell that unless I explain it step by step (if I can) to non-intuitives, they just think I'm crazy.

Just wondering.

The same person gave me hassles last year. At that time I was angry... but this time, it was as if my soul was removed from inside of me and silently dropped in a bin. Because they would not understand, as you so accurately put, and because there is all this confrontational brow beating happening... it's pretty useless trying to explain, so I let them give the whole thing, and then I quietly said, "Thank you", and left the room.

 

[BoazB]

sorry boaz.


often my ideas get unheard, like in a group situaton, even if though I'm quite sure I spoke it loudly, it's like what I said wasnt heard....hmm...weird.

Thank A4J

It is so good to share this with people who understand. Trying to reason with people who are foaming at the mouth doesn't really work.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. They may not openly demonstrate or even verbalize their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveals flaws. INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date,' revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner.

INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They enter into relationships just to be cared for, even when the person is not right for them and they suspect it. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They will end their other relationships in order to pursue their loved one. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit.

INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, 'people can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behaviour or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them --- I'm not able to.' INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination.

This is something that I really struggle with, especially the first part of the first paragraph. How do other INFJ's deal with caring intensely for one person and alost ignoring everyone else? This happens to me usually when I form a good friendship with a guy. It takes me a while to step back and realise that I do have other friends and stop focusing completely on that one person.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Hmm... Kiersey seems to think that ENTP would be a good match for INFJ. (ESTP is mentioned, too, but the profile for that type doesn't recommend INFJ.)

The identical personality (were such theoretically possible) probably wouldn't be a good fit -- we need at least some complementarity.

lol, INTJ over here, married to another INTJ... for us same-type match works wonderfully!! We aren't clones though - even though we are the same type, there are still areas in which we differ.

Sorry for hijacking the Singles thread... but I can't resist MBTI topics

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. They may not openly demonstrate or even verbalize their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveals flaws. INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date,' revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner.

INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They enter into relationships just to be cared for, even when the person is not right for them and they suspect it. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They will end their other relationships in order to pursue their loved one. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit.

INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, 'people can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behaviour or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them --- I'm not able to.' INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination.

This is something that I really struggle with, especially the first part of the first paragraph. How do other INFJ's deal with caring intensely for one person and alost ignoring everyone else? This happens to me usually when I form a good friendship with a guy. It takes me a while to step back and realise that I do have other friends and stop focusing completely on that one person.

no advice for you, all I know is what you quoted above describes me to a T.

Totally feel what you are saying though

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

lol, INTJ over here, married to another INTJ... for us same-type match works wonderfully!! We aren't clones though - even though we are the same type, there are still areas in which we differ.

Sorry for hijacking the Singles thread... but I can't resist MBTI topics

Hijack completly welcome! That is interesting to know. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

no advice for you, all I know is what you quoted above describes me to a T.

Totally feel what you are saying though

That's okay, its good enough to know somebody else is exactly the same.

 

[BoazB]

For INFJs, 'still waters run deep.' They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. They may not openly demonstrate or even verbalize their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveals flaws. INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date,' revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner.

INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They enter into relationships just to be cared for, even when the person is not right for them and they suspect it. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They will end their other relationships in order to pursue their loved one. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit.

INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, 'people can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behaviour or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them --- I'm not able to.' INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination.

This is something that I really struggle with, especially the first part of the first paragraph. How do other INFJ's deal with caring intensely for one person and alost ignoring everyone else? This happens to me usually when I form a good friendship with a guy. It takes me a while to step back and realise that I do have other friends and stop focusing completely on that one person.

Excellent insight. Yes I too have struggled with that. In some ways I may even purposefully keep superficial relationshisp superficial. At times I have even avoided friendship of any sort, for fear that I bond with the wrong mate. This happens I suppose because of committing more than communicating. This has been especially difficult when other have been really keen and trying to forge a relationship - yet I don't know which path they are on (whether it is the one I am on) and so I avoid.

What does one do about this. I went to a shrink, paid R400 for an hours chat - nice guy, but I think I told him more than he told me. In the end he said I should verbalise my feelings more. ("Thanks", I thought to myself, "I could have told you that".) So, there you have it - "You must verbalise your feelings" . If you discover anymore than that, please tell me.

(PS I am not giving any advice or councelling - I am just telling you what I was told. )

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Excellent insight. Yes I too have struggled with that. In some ways I may even purposefully keep superficial relationshisp superficial. At times I have even avoided friendship of any sort, for fear that I bond with the wrong mate. This happens I suppose because of committing more than communicating. This has been especially difficult when other have been really keen and trying to forge a relationship - yet I don't know which path they are on (whether it is the one I am on) and so I avoid.

What does one do about this. I went to a shrink, paid R400 for an hours chat - nice guy, but I think I told him more than he told me. In the end he said I should verbalise my feelings more. ("Thanks", I thought to myself, "I could have told you that".) So, there you have it - "You must verbalise your feelings" . If you discover anymore than that, please tell me.

(PS I am not giving any advice or councelling - I am just telling you what I was told. )

I have a general dislike for people until I get to know them better, would that INFJ behaviour or just mistrust on my side?

I find sharing my feelings doesn't always get me far. I've told one guy I love him as a friend. My problem is that people don't tell me how they feel about me.
I can't verbalise how I feel orally but I can say almost anything in an sms or e-mail.

 

[BoazB]

I have a general dislike for people until I get to know them better, would that INFJ behaviour or just mistrust on my side?

I find sharing my feelings doesn't always get me far. I've told one guy I love him as a friend. My problem is that people don't tell me how they feel about me.
I can't verbalise how I feel orally but I can say almost anything in an sms or e-mail.

My guess is that it is probably mistrust... INFJ's internalise everything. If something goes wrong, then it is their fault (In their thinking), and if there is hurt, then they are the one's who will hurt the most. So we only protect ourselves by doing that.

I once was in a small place, and I had been so used to shaking hands with people - making the connection - but when they abused that friendship - and the hurt that resulted, one learns to be more cautious.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveals flaws.

This basically happened to me with one person. I told him that I loved him as a friend. I know its basically because of his cirumstances but he wouldn't reply to any messages, even non-personal ones about organising something that he had offered to help with.
Now I'm hurt because I finally realised that he can't/won't give me what I need in a friendship.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveals flaws.

This basically happened to me with one person. I told him that I loved him as a friend. I know its basically because of his cirumstances but he wouldn't reply to any messages, even non-personal ones about organising something that he had offered to help with.
Now I'm hurt because I finally realised that he can't/won't give me what I need in a friendship.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Thanks, I needed that.
I feel so stupid.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Do you think being INFJ is a blessing or a curse?

Internalising everything makes life really difficult at times.

 

[BoazB]

Do you think being INFJ is a blessing or a curse?

Internalising everything makes life really difficult at times.

A blessing or a curse? Mmmmm. In an immortal line of a past pupil of mine, "Life sucks. Get used to it".

No but, seriously, he said that very roughshod, because he was probably not INFJ.

Here is my INFJ answer: That is a good question, blessing or a curse? We have the blessing to see deep into things often, but have the curse that we get the hurt that comes with it.

Just think of the prophets: 2 Kings 8:12

I suppose you learn to start looking at things as more of an outsider as you go a long, and then it doesn't become easy, but maybe a bit easier. Life carries on to more of an extent, without you, but you survive.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

(the thread that never dies, lol)


Another thing about INFJ's, not only do we internalize things, but we are extremely sentimental and hold onto things for a long time.


case in point.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

woa, i JUST realized you are both from SA.

wow, cool.

 

[BoazB]

(the thread that never dies, lol)


Another thing about INFJ's, not only do we internalize things, but we are extremely sentimental and hold onto things for a long time.


case in point.

Very true. INFJ's can be ultimate "squirrels". When there is a spring clean is when I can't find anything.

and my old military equipment is not getting less, but getting more... There is stuff I just don't have the heart to throw away. Ridiculous!

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Confession time:
I still have a box of letters that I got from friends in school and I just can't bring myself to throw them away! And I'm not even friends with any of those people anymore!