INFIDELITY

[tonya]

HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER EXPERIENCED INFIDELITY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? BESIDES PRAYING...HOW DID YOU COPE? I AM DEALING WITH THIS NOW...HE SAYS SHE DID NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM AND HE DOES NOT WANT ME TO LEAVE...I HAVE PRAYED AND FORGIVEN HIM, BUT IT STILL HURTS...I HAVE JUST BEEN TRYING TO UNDERSTAND why????? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY...I KEEP A CLEAN HOUSE,CLOTHES WASHED, SUPPER COOK, AND CHILD WELL TAKEN CARE OF..HE SAYS HE KNOWS I AM GOOD TO HIM AND HE IS THANKFUL..HE SAYS HE HAS SOME GROWING UP TO DO AND CHOICES TO MAKE...SO I TOLD HIM TO HAVE HIS SPACE AND THINK...I AM FERVENTLY PRAYING..
HE WAS RAISED IN CHURCH, SAVED AT A YOUNG AGE, AND REARED IN A CHRISTIAN HOME...HIS DAD IS NOT THE TYPE TO RUN AROUND ON HIS MOM...I JUST DON'T KNOW..I MEAN HE HAS EVERYTHING HE COULD WANRT OR NEED AT HOME SO WHY DID HE ROAM?PLEASE PLEASE PRAY...

 

[Mr.Cheese]

*hug*
More ought than naught our stupidity is no reflection on the quality of our wives, just the quality of ourselves.

It was time to grow up when he put that ring on your finger.

You both might consider counseling. He has no idea what kind of a boo boo he made. It's going to take a long time to fix this. Some marriage counseling could be very illuminating for both of you.

 

[IslandBreeze]

 

[tonya]

WELL CAMMIE..HE HAS A CLEAN HOUSE, CLEAN CLOTHES, SUPPER COOKED AND SERVED TO HIM.AND OUR DAUGHTER IS WELL TAKEN CARE OF..AND WE HAVE A VERY ACTIVE PHYSICAL LIFE..TO ME HE IS TREATED LIKE A KING..ANY SUGGESTION AS TO WHAT ELSE HE MIGHT COULD WANT AT HOME?? I DO ALMOST EVERYTHING FOR HIM...MAYBE THAT IS THE PROBLEM..

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Cammie, I don't see how you can make that assumption.
That is not a default answer for every case of adultery.

There are men who sleep around while they are engaged. Men who sleep with maids of honor and continue to be creeps after marriage. Such cases couldn't possibly be the fault of the woman because they aren't even married yet.

What you are saying is that every case of infidelity on the part of a husband relates back to some inadequacy on the part of the wife.

I don't think that was the case when my old boss proudly said "That wedding ring don't plug no holes."

I think you should apologize the the girl for what you said.

 

[tonya]

THANKS MR. CHEESE FOR YOUR MALE CHRISTIAN ADVICE...SOMETIMES IT HELPS TO HAVE MALE ADVICE BECAUSE AFTER ALL YOU ARE A MAN AND EVEN THOUGH YOU MIGHT NOT DO THAT YOU HAVE BEEN AROUND THE MALE SPECIES AND KNOW HOW THEY THINK...

 

[IslandBreeze]

Tonya, if you were offended, I apologize for offending you.

 

[Cordy]

Hey Tonya ,
That is extremely rough and I pray that you will be able to lean on the Lord God for comfort during this time. I don’t think you should blame yourself. I don’t know your situation but I think women sometimes too easily blame themselves for the actions of those around them. Remember that each person is responsible for his or her own actions.
I think the best thing to do is just take it one day at a time from here. Seek the Lord for wisdom on what to do. Like others have said, counselling is a good idea

 

[E-beth]

Tonya, I have been there. When I went through it I felt like somebody has reached in my chest and ripped my heart out. I had to make myself breathe even. You feel like it was all your fault, or you get so angry that you can't see and think, "well, I will show HIM!"

Anger is perfectly justifiable, so is the hurt. But God is bigger and better than all of it. He still thinks you ROCK, and He will help you sort out all the whirlwind emotions you are going through.

If you need to talk, PM me anytime. I know...HUGS

 

[DrBob]

I do have a few insights to share with you Tonya.
Infidelity can be forgiven and the relationship can strengthen perhaps but it will never be the same as it was before. You sound like an awesome woman, but even if you were not you would still not deserve to have this happen to you. You cannot, must not blame yourself for his bad behavior. He needs to understand that there are consequences to his actions. Forgiven yes of course we forgive but it will take years to do a partial restoration to the marriage. I did not like that he says he has growing up to do and choices to make. It sounds self centered on his part but admittedly I do not know the full story and the broader context. Why did he do it? Clearly it was selfish. He readily gambled your heart and risked breaking it over a woman he says meant nothing to him. He took for granted all the wonderful things you do for him. If you shield him from the full impact of what you feel inside he will not realize what he has done. This is not about your inadequacies it is about his. You surely have a few less than perfect areas, don't we all. It is not your job to keep him happy, so he stays on the good path. It is a normal thing to have questions. Even morbid curiosity questions about what happened, what was he wearing, what after shave he had on ... anything... everything ... all that is normal. Being angry is normal and expected. Just because you forgive does not mean your heart is unbroken all the sudden. That trust is restored ... This is about choices, not feelings. He either makes a choice to be committed to you or he does not. He honors that on the days he feels like it or not. My fear is that his request for space is just something to spare him from the unpleasant consequences for his bad choice, and leaves you without a solid committment or any consolation. If he wants to rise to being a real man here, he should be on his knees ansering every question you have, listening to your anguish and heartbreak. If his heart is not breaking at the thought of losing you he is a fool.

Doc

 

[tonya]

thanks to each of you for your words of wisdom...i have really been praying all weekend and things are better...not great but better...

 

[DrBob]

Hi Tonya, Hope things are continuing to improve. Do not hesitate to revisit this thread for support and encouragement or just to vent.

we do not want you too close to the edge!

God bless and with prayers

Doc

 

[tonya]

Thanks...things of course are not 100% better, but they are good..we have talked and spent time together..i guess the main thing is one day at a time and prayer which is what i have been doing!!