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Inappropriate?

Joyfull

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I found a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition in my 13-year-old son's room today. I looked through it and it really disturbed me to see those girls displayed so immodestly. But what disturbs me more is thinking about my son lusting over them. I want to talk to him about it, but want to cool down a bit and to hear what others have to say. How would you feel:confused:
 
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Joyfull

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Linnis said:
Sit him down and talk to him, tell him what you found why you'll be removing it from him room and ask him how he feels.

He's 13 years old I think it's pretty common, that's around the time my brother began stealing my mother's victoria's secret catologs.

Do you recall how your mother handled it?
 
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revrobor

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First of all DO NOT SCOLD HIM! He is not responsible for how those women dress. And his reaction to the is perfectly normal.

If I were his father I would say "Those women are absolutely beautiful son. I believe woman is the most beautiful of God's creation. But in the age we live in women are being used in a tempting if not preverted way. And if you spend time looking at women dressed like these or watch porno films or films where unmarried couples jump into bed together you are going to develop a wrong attitude concerning what women are all about. I wouldn't want to see that happen to you because it will lead to confusion and trouble in relating to girls. You are going through a tough time right now as your hormones rage. It happened to me. It happens to all of us men. But the time will come when you will have a woman of your own and you can enjoy each other as God intended. To help you I would suggest you dispose of that magazine. Would you like me to take it or will you take care of it? I love you son and want the best for you".

Do not even hint that you are angry. He has done nothing that is not normal for a young teen. Regardless of what you think of SI or Playboy or Hustler don't visit your disgust on your son.
 
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Martin

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Amen revrobor!

Sound advice....

Try not to embarass your son over the matter (that will tend to drive wedge betwen you). He is clearly developing normally and taking an interest in the opposite sex - it had to come...

Initially, without making any reference to the magazine you have found, I would suggest that you initiate a conversation about boys and girls and the relationships between them. He needs prepartion - to see that women aren't objects of lust, but are to be tenderly loved an respected. If you feel unable to do this, then I suggest that you engage the help of a well respected male Christian whom you can trust. However, you are in a unique position as his mom to give him the viewpoint of how a girl/woman feels and what they expect from a relationship.

Once you feel you have been succesful in this, I would give him time to dispose of the magazine himself. If, after a suitable period, he still has the magazine (or others) then would be a suitable time to refer to it, refering back to the previous converstaion that you had. Again, try to do it without embarrasing your son - respect how he might feel, after all he's just showing all the signs of growing up into manhood.

It is a challenge, but with the right relationship and the ability to think that he could talk to you freely about such matters, you should find that the temperature should subside and it won't be such a big issue. It would be unrealistic for him to loose all passion for the opposite sex (and I'm sure you wouldn't want that), it's just a matter of gentle education and control - let him think that he is atking the decision and not that you are forcing something on him.

Hope this helps.....
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NoneyaBiznezz

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Good Advice!

I'll share a little experience of my own. I was around 13 when my dad found a stash of porno that I had brought home from a friends house.

We had a "pits of hell" discussion and a cerimonial burning of the material. This did nothing but make me become a more efficient at hiding things from my parents. It also left me with a feeling that something was wrong with me.

This hiding of material followed me into my adult life and has caused me some substantial set backs in my relationship with God.

Finding women attractive is a normal part of any young mans development.

"Bringing up the Boys" and "Wild at Heart" are both good books that I have read that explore this topic (and many others) a little more.

The transition from Boy to Man is very difficult and confusing at best, have patience with your child and hopefully HE will make the correct choices.

Peace in Christ,

-Brian
 
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Joyfull

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NoneyaBiznezz said:
Good Advice!

I'll share a little experience of my own. I was around 13 when my dad found a stash of porno that I had brought home from a friends house.

We had a "pits of hell" discussion and a cerimonial burning of the material. This did nothing but make me become a more efficient at hiding things from my parents. It also left me with a feeling that something was wrong with me.

This hiding of material followed me into my adult life and has caused me some substantial set backs in my relationship with God.

Finding women attractive is a normal part of any young mans development.

"Bringing up the Boys" and "Wild at Heart" are both good books that I have read that explore this topic (and many others) a little more.

The transition from Boy to Man is very difficult and confusing at best, have patience with your child and hopefully HE will make the correct choices.

Peace in Christ,

-Brian
Thanks everyone for your comments.
 
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rosemoss

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Some really good advise here!
I have 2 teenage boys ages 14 and 17.
Its upsetting to see, but this is normal stuff, it was a womens lingeries mag, we didn't take it from him, but told him basically what revrobor said above and it was gone a couple of days later. After that, it seems him and I can talk more openly about girls. This was the 14 yr old that this happened with.

Nice to meet you all, I've been around CF for a bit but haven't visited here yet.
 
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