Inability to feel anger.

[tigercub]

Does anyone else experience this? A total lack of anger in their system in regards to their abuse, abusers and everything else that comes with it?

I can feel guilt (oh boy can I ever ) I can feel sick to my stomach, I can feel like harming myself, I often get this bubbling feeling in my throat like everything is about to explode! Which it never does...but I cannot feel anger and I cannot cry about it.

What is wrong with me

 

[Gatorgal]

I don't think anything is wrong with you. Anger can make things so much worse. I do believe that you are blaming yourself with what happened. I felt the same way, why did I allow this to happen to me, what could I have changed, I should have left...... thousands of things go through your mind. Anger was something that took me years, I mean years to get through. You are blessed not to have it. Once I allowed God to take over the thought pattern of my mind I got better, I was able to forgive and not just my dad but myself. Take care!

 

[LazeyWinde]

I get bouts where I just feel numb and don't sem to care about anything... Those times can be worse than my rages.
But what you're going through isn't unusual. *hugs*
(BTW, I love the ponies.)

 

[Solaris]

It sounds like you are turning the anger in on yourself.

 

[Bowling77]

well when I feel that way, it's usually because I know that anger leads to hate and hate leads to violence and that is against the law. But Deep down I do feel hate towards those people I want to feel angery about, but When nobody is around to share my cares, you know bieng angry is only going to make those people rise up against you more. It's all too terribuble. and sometimes if i think hard enough about the missed opportunitys I've had in life a single tear runs down my cheek, if you really want to cry you could try that But it's not much fun I'll tell you.

 

[lavenderskies]

I strongly recommend counseling to anyone who has been abused, it helped me more than one can imagine.

 

[tigercub]

Thanks everyone who replied. Lavenderskies; I am considering it. The thought of...'leting go' of my feelings kind of scares me for some reason.

 

[cinnabunch]

Thanks everyone who replied. Lavenderskies; I am considering it. The thought of...'leting go' of my feelings kind of scares me for some reason.

I think this statement says alot. It may be the whole reason you don't feel the anger. Because the feeling of that emotion is so scary and overwhelming to you. Deep down inside you are probably afraid to feel the power of that emotion.

For a long time...anger was the only feeling I COULD feel. I couldn't feel real joy, happiness, love. But I sure knew how to feel the anger. It was almost easier for me to feel that, than any other emotion. It hid the fear, the pain, and all that other stuff.

cindy

 

[FallingWaters]

Does anyone else experience this? A total lack of anger in their system in regards to their abuse, abusers and everything else that comes with it?

I can feel guilt (oh boy can I ever ) I can feel sick to my stomach, I can feel like harming myself, I often get this bubbling feeling in my throat like everything is about to explode! Which it never does...but I cannot feel anger and I cannot cry about it.

What is wrong with me

It's probably just your personality type.
I have a friend who feels all the things you say you feel,
but she won't let herself feel anger.
I think a counselor could help a person with that.

 

[tigercub]

It's especially weird and frustrating because usually I am pretty good at expressing my emotions, in fact I can often be described as 'over emotional'....

cinnabunch- that's pretty much what my husband thinks.

 

[FallingWaters]

It's especially weird and frustrating because usually I am pretty good at expressing my emotions, in fact I can often be described as 'over emotional'....

cinnabunch- that's pretty much what my husband thinks.

The friend who I mentioned is super-sensitive.
She gets hurt very easily.
She is ultra-sensitive to other people's feelings as well.

Many times she would say, "You hurt me." at times when I would have described it as "What you did made me angry."

Anger and hurt are very closely related, I think.
Often if someone hurts me, I will be angry with them.

 

[tigercub]

Everytime I try to deal with this (and I know I can't really 'schedule it in' though I try) Something happens. (by 'deal with' I mean talk about with hubby, he is extremely helpful in this situation) Mum got sick and was hopitalized (meaning hubby and I had to stay at her place to care for my lil brother and the pets) for 4 days. Then I find out my father....the ...abuser? Is coming to stay at mum's for an indefinite period of time.

 

[LazeyWinde]

Everytime I try to deal with this (and I know I can't really 'schedule it in' though I try) Something happens. (by 'deal with' I mean talk about with hubby, he is extremely helpful in this situation) Mum got sick and was hopitalized (meaning hubby and I had to stay at her place to care for my lil brother and the pets) for 4 days. Then I find out my father....the ...abuser? Is coming to stay at mum's for an indefinite period of time.

*hugs* Having him nearby will be rough.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[FallingWaters]

Everytime I try to deal with this (and I know I can't really 'schedule it in' though I try) Something happens. (by 'deal with' I mean talk about with hubby, he is extremely helpful in this situation) Mum got sick and was hopitalized (meaning hubby and I had to stay at her place to care for my lil brother and the pets) for 4 days. Then I find out my father....the ...abuser? Is coming to stay at mum's for an indefinite period of time.

Wow, that is a very difficult position to be in.
I know you didn't really ask for advice, and excuse be more being so bold...but...
here is what I suggest, just as a survival mechanism,
since you don't have time on your side right now.

I suggest you get yourself a brand new journal,
and every time you have a chance,
write down all your thoughts and feelings that are bombarding you.
This will get them off your chest until you have time to deal with them.
And it will insure that you don't forget any of the thoughts and feelings that get stirred up by being around your father.
This is important because the way to recover is to feel the pain you've been running away from.
And you will be feeling pain, anxiety, stress, fear, etc.

If a journal isn't private enough,
and you prefer typing,
you can have a private online blog at blogger.com.

The ultimate step of recovery is forgiveness.
If you think you can do that now, then I recommend it.
You may not be at that point right now, and God understands that.
Unforgiveness is a bitter master, but forgiveness sets you free.


Father God,
I pray for tigercub, that You would pour out Your grace on her and give her the ability to recover from the pain she suffers, and ultimately, to forgive her abuser.
Be with her, carry her, keep her safe under the shadow of Your wing. Amen.

 

[FallingWaters]

Everytime I try to deal with this (and I know I can't really 'schedule it in' though I try) Something happens. (by 'deal with' I mean talk about with hubby, he is extremely helpful in this situation) Mum got sick and was hopitalized (meaning hubby and I had to stay at her place to care for my lil brother and the pets) for 4 days. Then I find out my father....the ...abuser? Is coming to stay at mum's for an indefinite period of time.

I don't know what your relationship with God is like,
but your circumstances seem too coincidental to be coincidence.
To me, it looks like the finger of God at work in your life.
It appears that He has allowed these uncomfortable circumstances in your life
solely for the purpose of your emotional healing.
Try to cooperate with Him.
Don't run away or hide from it.
Face it.

 

[tigercub]

Wow, that is a very difficult position to be in.
I know you didn't really ask for advice, and excuse be more being so bold...but...
here is what I suggest, just as a survival mechanism,
since you don't have time on your side right now.

I suggest you get yourself a brand new journal,
and every time you have a chance,
write down all your thoughts and feelings that are bombarding you.
This will get them off your chest until you have time to deal with them.
And it will insure that you don't forget any of the thoughts and feelings that get stirred up by being around your father.
This is important because the way to recover is to feel the pain you've been running away from.
And you will be feeling pain, anxiety, stress, fear, etc.

Thankyou for that and for the prayers. I know I didn't ask for advice but I should have, because I need it and I apreciate it all.

I don't know what your relationship with God is like,
but your circumstances seem too coincidental to be coincidence.
To me, it looks like the finger of God at work in your life.
It appears that He has allowed these uncomfortable circumstances in your life
solely for the purpose of your emotional healing.
Try to cooperate with Him.
Don't run away or hide from it.
Face it.

Yeah I noticed the coincidence too....

Perhaps this be will be the straw that breaks the camels back, so to speak, in terms of my hidden emotions. Maybe this will finally allow me to express them.

The thing is, I know if I do in front of my mother or even my dad they will both make me feel ridiculous/ignore me. Mum doesn't seem to have accepted it and dad...he remembers it when he is drunk but pretends not to at other times.

 

[FallingWaters]

Thankyou for that and for the prayers. I know I didn't ask for advice but I should have, because I need it and I apreciate it all.



Yeah I noticed the coincidence too....

Perhaps this be will be the straw that breaks the camels back, so to speak, in terms of my hidden emotions. Maybe this will finally allow me to express them.

The thing is, I know if I do in front of my mother or even my dad they will both make me feel ridiculous/ignore me. Mum doesn't seem to have accepted it and dad...he remembers it when he is drunk but pretends not to at other times.

I know what you mean.
The most important thing is to take care of it between you and God.
It is not always necessary to confront your abuser(s).

You have a tender heart. I'm sure God will lead you.

 

[tigercub]

It is not always necessary to confront your abuser(s).

I like that bit.

 

[FallingWaters]

I like that bit.

From what I have read 90% of confrontations come out very badly.
Only 10% of abusers admit they did anything wrong.
You are probably right in assuming they would "make me feel ridiculous/ignore me".

There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
I forgave my abuser- which was solely a work between me and God.

Afterward, my abuser apologized to me- which was solely the work of God
convicting him and moving in him, since he is not a Christian.
It was, I believe, a miracle.
Because my abuser apologized, we are able to have a reconciled relationship.

If my abuser had not apologized, he would be forgiven,
but we would not have a relationship.

And I dare say, if I had not forgiven him already,
no amount of apologizing in the world could have stirred up the amount of forgiveness required,
since the abuse was very grave.

 

[tigercub]

The thing is- I am civil toward my dad. I have to see him at various times when he visits mum and looks after my brother when mum goes on business trips (3 or 4 times a year)

I just can't look at him without having flashbacks....