I apologize in advance if this sounds like a rant, I'm not doing so well.
Well, recently my heart got hurt a little bit, but first, let me take you back to this past fall....
A girl that lives in my building that I've been friends with for over a year now and goes to my church I started to have feelings for. I openly said that I was attracted to her, but I didn't know what we should do, and agreed we should wait. In the meantime, our friendship grew stronger and we became very close, spending lots of time around each other. At one point, while talking with her about stuff, she said she was attracted to me, but she also found a friend of mine appealing too, but she didn't know him very well and she was unsure. So we continued to be just friends...
Things continued to progress and our friendship stayed very close, and we would hang out together and sometimes go for a run or visit a coffeeshop. All this time I had been trying very hard not to be outgoing or forward in my advances, because she told me she didn't feel she was ready for a relationship. A lot of the stuff we did when hanging out came from her own suggestion also.
Fast forward now to this year, and about two weeks ago. I had had a bad week and was pretty depressed over some stuff, and at the same time, me and this girl's interaction went abruptly to nill. I asked her what was going on, and she claimed to be busy. I asked her about a guy that I had noticed had been following her a lot and talking to her and trying to place himself where she was, and if he liked her, and she said no, don't worry.
Now, this week, since coming back from spring break, it took several days and several phonecalls to get her to finally take time to talk to me. I tell her I feel like the past two weeks she had been trying to avoid me and it hurt, because I care about her and I didn't know if I had done something to make her avoid me or if she had not been doing well. She assures me things were ok, but then suddenly she gets up and says she's got to tell me something. This is when she tells me that she's become attracted to this other guy that I had asked about before.
She then tells me that she is unsure about her feelings toward me, and that through lots of praying she didn't feel like she was getting any answer from God. She also said that even though she's attracted to this other guy, she doesn't know him like she knows me, and she doesn't think she should be in a relationship with anyone at all. She also said (and has said this many times before) that she is afraid of losing me completely as a friend if we were to enter a relationship, based upon past relationships with not so good boyfriends that left her scarred. This it seems is her biggest obstacle, which she drags up constantly, with assurances that she's a bad person and will only hurt me, and can't trust relationships. I asked her if this is a lasting and definate "No, I do not want a relationship with you, ever." and she said that it is not, that she needs to resolve her emotions. So now we aren't even hanging out with each other as friends, because I said I needed time away from her to sort things out, and said she needs to spend some time away to try to figure out her emotions, to be serious about healing her past, seeking God, getting counsel from reputable sources of help, etc.
My question is, what experiences have other couples had that may have been similar, and what are some people's experiences where things ultimately didn't work out between you and the girl?
Well, recently my heart got hurt a little bit, but first, let me take you back to this past fall....
A girl that lives in my building that I've been friends with for over a year now and goes to my church I started to have feelings for. I openly said that I was attracted to her, but I didn't know what we should do, and agreed we should wait. In the meantime, our friendship grew stronger and we became very close, spending lots of time around each other. At one point, while talking with her about stuff, she said she was attracted to me, but she also found a friend of mine appealing too, but she didn't know him very well and she was unsure. So we continued to be just friends...
Things continued to progress and our friendship stayed very close, and we would hang out together and sometimes go for a run or visit a coffeeshop. All this time I had been trying very hard not to be outgoing or forward in my advances, because she told me she didn't feel she was ready for a relationship. A lot of the stuff we did when hanging out came from her own suggestion also.
Fast forward now to this year, and about two weeks ago. I had had a bad week and was pretty depressed over some stuff, and at the same time, me and this girl's interaction went abruptly to nill. I asked her what was going on, and she claimed to be busy. I asked her about a guy that I had noticed had been following her a lot and talking to her and trying to place himself where she was, and if he liked her, and she said no, don't worry.
Now, this week, since coming back from spring break, it took several days and several phonecalls to get her to finally take time to talk to me. I tell her I feel like the past two weeks she had been trying to avoid me and it hurt, because I care about her and I didn't know if I had done something to make her avoid me or if she had not been doing well. She assures me things were ok, but then suddenly she gets up and says she's got to tell me something. This is when she tells me that she's become attracted to this other guy that I had asked about before.
She then tells me that she is unsure about her feelings toward me, and that through lots of praying she didn't feel like she was getting any answer from God. She also said that even though she's attracted to this other guy, she doesn't know him like she knows me, and she doesn't think she should be in a relationship with anyone at all. She also said (and has said this many times before) that she is afraid of losing me completely as a friend if we were to enter a relationship, based upon past relationships with not so good boyfriends that left her scarred. This it seems is her biggest obstacle, which she drags up constantly, with assurances that she's a bad person and will only hurt me, and can't trust relationships. I asked her if this is a lasting and definate "No, I do not want a relationship with you, ever." and she said that it is not, that she needs to resolve her emotions. So now we aren't even hanging out with each other as friends, because I said I needed time away from her to sort things out, and said she needs to spend some time away to try to figure out her emotions, to be serious about healing her past, seeking God, getting counsel from reputable sources of help, etc.
My question is, what experiences have other couples had that may have been similar, and what are some people's experiences where things ultimately didn't work out between you and the girl?
