in need...

[yours]

hello. i am very ashamed of myself at this moment. a lot of things have been piling up on me & i don't want history to repeat itself.

i have not been attending church regularly for two years now. it pains me to think about my lack of faith (at least that's what i think it is).

around this time two years ago i became severely depressed & stopped going to church. i tell myself that i don't go because everyone there thinks i'm crazy, but the truth is that i don't want to tell them what's really going on with me. i couldn't bear being around happy people so much. i thought everyone at my church would hurt me by ignoring me or invalidating me. i thought God had given up on me, so i isolated myself.

since then i have been hospitalized twice for attempting suicide.

there is a little part of me that wants to go back to God. but i am very, very scared.

this weekend, my church is holding a retreat. i am going against my will but there is nothing i can do about it. i know that everyone will ask me the same things: "Where have you been? What have you been doing?" those questions are easy to answer.

but then comes the big question about my relationship with God. i am too ashamed to answer that my relationship with God is barely there. i am too scared of their replies. i am too scared of what they will think of me. i am too scared of how they will act toward me.

the people at my church are known to gossip a lot. i believe that i am already the subject of this gossip, & if say more, something worse will happen.

in short, i am scared, very, very scared. i'm just... scared. i don't know what i should do.

 

[Zita123]

First I just want to tell you...Anybody that judges you shouldn't think they have that right to because GOD does the judging!! Remember that! Now, I have gone back and forth to church for some of the same reasons you ahve and some of my own reasons. I never worry when I go back. Nobody has ever backed me into a hole that I couldn't get out of. I just pol;itely say " I really don't know " then change the subject..PLease never let that reason be the only one that is keeping you from GOD!!! You'll see, Just go and say Hi to whoever you have to and just sit down and pray and really feel GOD's existence!!! It will all come back to you and then you'll be wondering why you haven't gone back before this.. Give some people credit!! You should do just fine!! I will pray for you to go and stay going!!
GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS!!!
Zita

hello. i am very ashamed of myself at this moment. a lot of things have been piling up on me & i don't want history to repeat itself.

i have not been attending church regularly for two years now. it pains me to think about my lack of faith (at least that's what i think it is).

around this time two years ago i became severely depressed & stopped going to church. i tell myself that i don't go because everyone there thinks i'm crazy, but the truth is that i don't want to tell them what's really going on with me. i couldn't bear being around happy people so much. i thought everyone at my church would hurt me by ignoring me or invalidating me. i thought God had given up on me, so i isolated myself.

since then i have been hospitalized twice for attempting suicide.

there is a little part of me that wants to go back to God. but i am very, very scared.

this weekend, my church is holding a retreat. i am going against my will but there is nothing i can do about it. i know that everyone will ask me the same things: "Where have you been? What have you been doing?" those questions are easy to answer.

but then comes the big question about my relationship with God. i am too ashamed to answer that my relationship with God is barely there. i am too scared of their replies. i am too scared of what they will think of me. i am too scared of how they will act toward me.

the people at my church are known to gossip a lot. i believe that i am already the subject of this gossip, & if say more, something worse will happen.

in short, i am scared, very, very scared. i'm just... scared. i don't know what i should do.

 

[goldenviolet]

how about taking your fears to a meeting with pastor or someone who can support and encourage you? Blessings!

 

[Hisbygrace]

Dear yours, there are always a few nay-sayers around but don't concern yourself with them. For each one of them there are 2 or 3 people who would be ready and willing to offer and give you the support and encouragement that you need. I think the retreat is a good first step for you to get back in your walk. Remember that this is really all about God and you. God knows your thoughts and your heart. He knows where you have been, because He's been right there with you. Go you will do well and don't answer any questions that make you feel uncomfortable. Your life and the things that concern it are between you and God. Man or woman has no right to condem or judge you. God bless you honey on your journey back to Him!

 

[yours]

Everybody, thank you!

I certainly feel that i am now ready for the retreat. Thanks for the encouragement; i really am grateful for the support. it is just what i needed. Thanks for the strength & thanks for the renewed faith that has been restored in me.

I'll post again, after the retreat, to report on what happened. Again, thank you!

 

[If Not For Grace]

Dear Yours:

You said ashamed as though you could hide anything from God....

God already knows how you feel and is ready to show you mercy All you have to do is come home.

God wants to bless you and mae you a blessing.. "You have not because you ask not" The enemy makes you believe you are so bad and unworthy, well no one is worthy...Love God, He loves you. Remember what the others said They are few Joshua's and Caleb's and many naysayers, but it is the positive who see the promised land. Good Luck. You are Blessed and Highly Favored-Say it, then believe it, cause its true...