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In need of support

Discussion in 'Struggles with Sexuality' started by Anniwe, Sep 5, 2010.

  1. Anniwe

    Anniwe New Member

    1
    +0
    Lutheran
    Single
    I toyed around with the idea of registering for a while , I have to admit I was afraid of doing it . Putting thoughts on paper (or the modern version of it) is hard.
    But I feel like my life is so much out of control and so dark that I needed to do something . And I think I need to provide a little background information first . I live in Germany which is basically christian but nobody really believes anything anymore and churches are empty except on Christmas. It's an atmosphere of everything goes and who needs God anyway. I'm 29 years old and I have dealt with my homosexual attractions for close to 14 years , I'm just so tired and I know if I'd talk to anyone within my circle of friend or my family they wouldn't understand . They would not understand why I have a problem with it . But I don't want to be like this . As a little girl I've dreamed of my wedding , my house , my children and I'm scared I will never have that . God made us like puzzle pieces to fit together (I know , not the best example ) and I feel like my puzzle is missing a lot of parts .
    I try to not think to much about it but I can't seem to get away from it . I take the train to work and every day it's crowded in there . I try to focus on the men in there but I can't help but stare at the women . I now take an earlier train because there was a bit of an awkward situation with one woman who would always sit on a seat facing me and all I could do was look at her eyes.
    And I'm angry , why me? Hasn't God put me through enough already . I never had a father , my stepfather wasn't much to write home about either . I wish I could see Gods plan for me .
     
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  2. writergirl4god

    writergirl4god Newbie

    185
    +10
    Christian
    Married
    Hi Anniwe, thanks for taking the leap and sharing your struggles. You have my prayers and support. :)

    Love from a sister in Christ,
    Jess
     
  3. Samantha0

    Samantha0 Newbie

    42
    +6
    Agnostic
    In Relationship
    Hi Anniwe, your story is so moving. I understand completely where you're coming from.
    I struggled particularly hard with my bisexual feelings the most when I attended School. No matter how hard I tried, women were very attractive to me, and still are. I cursed myself and believed I was bound for hell and a nulled relationship with Christ (whom I loved).
    <staff edit> x
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  4. Criada

    Criada Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,791
    Christian Seeker
    Married
    Hi Annie
    I'm so sorry that you are fighting this, it's a hard place to be, and understanding why seems impossible.
    Firstly, please know that God loves you, unconditionally and enormously. I have the same struggle, and spent years convinced that I was going to hell because I couldn't change. But God forgives, sweetie. It's a temptation, but you are not condemned for being tempted! If you were attracted to men, it would be equally bad to be lusting over them!
    Who you are isn't a sin, sweetie - it is simply an area in which you are tempted - and it sounds as though you are doing all you can to avoid falling.

    I am praying for you, and if you need to talk to someone who knows how you feel, please PM me (you'll need 15 posts first, though) If you'd like my email address, let me know here and I'll PM it to you.

    :hug: :hug:
     
  5. Laurilee

    Laurilee Newbie

    91
    +3
    Christian
    Married
    Feeling for you Anniwe. You are not alone though. You have been so brave to write this down in here and to put it before other people. We will pray for you. God bless you.
     
  6. DrFrank

    DrFrank Member

    298
    +9
    Charismatic
    Single
  7. jdog4god

    jdog4god Jdog4God

    15
    +2
    Christian
    Single
    I completely understand where your coming from anniwe. I too am going through the same struggle and have been for the past couple of yrs. I'm 18, male, and live in the states. I posted a thread about my struggle in december, if you go to my profile you can read it. I can tell you now that looking at it as a burden will only make it that much harder to overcome. I use to have the same view, "why me?", "what did i do to deserve this?", "why give this kind of a struggle to someone who loves you and desires to live a life you approve of?". But then I also realized that God said he will not give us anything that we can't handle. Although it may seem like the whole world on your shoulders, you are not alone and cannot expect to come out of this alone. Remember that the same sovereign God who created Heaven, Earth and life itself is on your side. Remember that God loves you tremendously, there are no limits to his love. In the words of Winston Churchill: " Never give in!" And remember this: whatever your problem, God can handle it. Your job is to keep persevering until He does. And pray for patience, that's one the things I still struggle with today. Remember it's not in our time, but Gods. Do not put yourself in a position where you can be tempted! We live in a temptation generation: you can find temptation is lots of place, your job is to AVOID those places. And most importantly, NEVER lose hope. Anything is possible with God!!! :) It may help to view this as an opportunity to really get to know God and grow a deep relationship with him. Do not worry my dear sister in Christ, you are not alone and there is hope for you yet :) I will be praying for you.
     
  8. FaithPrevails

    FaithPrevails Well-Known Member

    +1,011
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    jdog - beautifully stated! :)
     
  9. PilgrimToChrist

    PilgrimToChrist Well-Known Member

    +380
    Catholic
    Single
    US-Constitution
    Just take things day by day.<edit> I miss sex. I miss a lot of things about being with someone.

    But life goes on regardless, I just take it day by day and try not to think about it too much. If I think on it, I get lost in a fantasy world<edit>. I go to work, I come home, I see people around me get married and have children and I want to but I just can't seem to meet a man who I would marry. In becoming a Christian, after a long period of being pro-gay and then just giving in all the time and feeling guilty about it, I've eventually ruled out being with women.<edit> Slowly it moves further into my past.

    <edit>

    I want kids and a little house and everything. My ex-fiance* didn't -- he wanted to live in the city with no kids and go out to the BDSM/goth/industrial clubs all the time. I still want kids, but it just seems like more and more of such a silly fantasy, that it's never going to happen. I have no way of taking care of kids by myself, my little sister is a single mother (separated from her husband more than a year, not yet officially divorce) with two kids and another on the way. Maybe I'll meet some guy at Church, I don't know.

    Just remember that life goes on, day by day. You don't need to be with someone to be happy, not everyone gets married. The only relationship you need to focus on is the only one that matters in the end.

    Many *hugs*.

    ~~~
    * Female-to-Male transsexual. <edit>
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2010
  10. Rivendoah

    Rivendoah Let Love Rule

    6
    +0
    Non-Denom
    In Relationship
    US-Democrat
    God created you... God loves you... just the way you are... be open and honest about your feelings... don't let anyone make you feel like you are less or that you are sinful... they are wrong... many people place the act of judgment over love... that is not Christ-like... I will pray that you find peace in a world full of needless fear...

    Much Love Always... Rivendoah!
     
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