In need of advice

[intricatic]

Note: I also posted this in the Youth forum, for clarification.

I have a bit of a conflict that's been eating at me for a while now.

What do you do when you're in a situation where you have to deal with someone you absolutely cannot stand? What if this person is in an authoritative position over you, perhaps as a teacher in a class?

I won't go into the details because they're defnitely moot at this point. We just got through finals in the class that the person I'm refering to teaches, and it's unlikely that I'll ever have him as a teacher again... but I feel like such a hypocrite when I get home and "vent" to someone about the situation. I honestly can't stand it.

At one point, I even tried to reconcile whatever differences we had when he was asking for students to help him on a side-job he was doing, a networking project for a law firm. I was the only volunteer, went with him, and had a very enjoyable time. I also learned a bit about the subject I'm going to school to study, which was very nice. I really like the guy outside of school, and that's part of the problem. But once the next class I had him with came, it was right back to the same old animosity.

To make matters worse, partly because of my own "fueling the fire", and I do blame myself quite a bit for not stepping in and stopping this lunacy, he may be fired within a few weeks because nobody else in his class is satisfied in any way whatsoever with his teaching abilities. In fact, just the reverse...heh. [and they're not content to simply gossip about it... at least half of the class has complained to our program's head chair]. I have to consciously restrain myself from not jumping on the bandwaggon of bashing him behind his back. I've fallen to that temptation a few times, but anymore I've been seriously avoiding situations where I might fall into that train of conversation just because of how I feel afterwards, and because I honestly don't dislike him, he's a great guy, he has two awesome kids, and I just feel like an idiot for even being in this situation.

Anyhow... Yeah, I'm really in need of some advice here. I have no idea how I can "make things right" between him and I, and I feel like I need to do something. The problem is, I'm at a total loss as to what I can do.

Oh, and please forgive the lengthy post... I have a lot on my mind right now.



Additional: [reposted]

I'm going through a really rough time right now, partly because of this situation, and a few others like it... it's just striking me how incredibly complex this world is, and how difficult it is to deal with the situations that any given person can find themselves in as a result. There is no ambiguity or "gray areas", and that sometimes makes it that much more difficult to figure out the right way to deal with any given situation. It's not the situations themselves that exist in shades of gray, but how we deal with them. That's what I'm struggling with right now.... any advice or prayers would be incredibly appreciated.

 

[Anti Existance]

There are 2 situations here, you can either deal with him or not. Clearly you are not strong enough to deal with him, which means you must avoid him. Its a matter of holding your breath. You see negativity leads to nowhere, if this person is quite a negative person it will bring him nothing more then sorrow and pain, if you can't deal with his amonsterous character, then you just have to let it go.

I can imagine the situation, im attached to a family i do not like to be part with (from my fathers side) always sucking us into some sort of black hole. Its hard to get out, what you have to do is to look up to see the light of god and plant it above the negativity. How long do you still have to put up with it? The only thing you can do is point out the negativities, and how it should be. Wether that person listens is up to him. And his position doesn't matter, for God everyone is the same, so why would you have to treat him as an authorithy as declared by society?

 

[intricatic]

There are 2 situations here, you can either deal with him or not. Clearly you are not strong enough to deal with him, which means you must avoid him. Its a matter of holding your breath. You see negativity leads to nowhere, if this person is quite a negative person it will bring him nothing more then sorrow and pain, if you can't deal with his amonsterous character, then you just have to let it go.

I can imagine the situation, im attached to a family i do not like to be part with (from my fathers side) always sucking us into some sort of black hole. Its hard to get out, what you have to do is to look up to see the light of god and plant it above the negativity. How long do you still have to put up with it? The only thing you can do is point out the negativities, and how it should be. Wether that person listens is up to him. And his position doesn't matter, for God everyone is the same, so why would you have to treat him as an authorithy as declared by society?

The situation's incredibly complicated, and I'm partly at fault for making it the way it is now. Like I said, he's a really nice guy, and he has a wonderful family [which makes me feel really bad for what's going on now]... plus, to add to it, he's actually a very good teacher when it comes to classes he's had experience teaching. This class, the faculty dumped it on him even though he's never taught it before.

I can't blame him, I can't blame my fellow students, I can really only look at myself and that's why I have this dilemma.

What started all of this was my talking to one of the ladies in the Registrar office [really incredibly stupid decision on my part] about my own frustrations at having a teacher who wasn't experienced with the topic teaching one of the most important classes on our entire class roster. Lo and behold, the gossip ring at school had gone full circle almost before I got off work... [I work at school, with the Registrar, but had no idea they gossiped nearly so much as they do, and I thought I could find some sort of confidentiality and trust in the woman I work with. ] She had good intentions, she knew I wasn't going to complain about him and thought she could somehow motivate me to do something practical about it by telling one teacher, who in turn told another teacher, etc...etc.... I guess she didn't realize that it was meant to be confidential... but it's now made me very wary about talking to anyone about anything at school.

Ever since then, it's been nothing but downhill from the other students in my class, because they've been feeding off of that original trail of gossip and getting more angry and upset. And I feel completely responsible, which is why I can't just sit down and let it continue, but I can't see any way of reconciling this situation.

 

[intricatic]

Heh... I know it's really complicated, I didn't really expect much other than some support and maybe some prayers... Once I figure out what the right thing to do is, that's what I'm going to do. I think I'll have to talk to our program's head chair and see if I can't plead his case and hopefully convince him to keep him on staff. Everyone's probably going to think a lot less of me, though. Even if I can't do anything.

 

[nowhereville]

If he's ONLY like that in class is it possible he is avoiding the appearance of evil? He may concerned bout falst allegations and what not - or perhaps that has happened in the past?

Sometimes, YES it's all about US, but sometimes it's really not.

 

[Jenafer]

Hi - I have been in the university/college system for a number of years firstly as a student, then as a tutor/lecturer. I have seen a similar situation and I know how stressful and difficult it is to deal with. When difficult situations are happening somethimes all you want is someone to listen, while you vent so that you can get things off your chest. Don't beat yourself for that, if you keep it bottled up you only end up down and angry with the world. It is one of those horrible learning curves everyone with a conscience will face in their life.

As for the situtaion you are now fronted with, there are two possible ways I would progress. If you are going to have him again - you need to be very careful!!! I have seen lecturers group together and actively blacklist a problem student. It does happen more times than I like to talk about. This is why I left the univeristy system, I could not sit by and watch the horrible things my department was doing to some students who had valid points. Some of these students I found to be very good and strong students, and I ended up being the only one who would give them a good reference.

The two better options that I would consider would be:

1. Draft a confidential letter (marked confidential) and send to a higher positioned person outside your department. Don't bring up about the gossip simply state that you feel the lecturer is being looked at in a bad light because of one subject. Let them clearly know you find him very good in his specialised subjects, but was put into a subject you feel he didn't have experienced in. That his record in teaching should be assessed not just on the current students but from the past reports - maybe they could contact past students to get a more representative overview of his abilities. If he is good, the external or past records apart from the one subject which has caused all this problem should shine through. If he is not so good then maybe he should not be a lecturer - I have known awesome people, who in a class room had no idea and I would not choose them to teach my kids. We can't be good at everything even if you are a good person.


2. Do nothing and let him fight it out for himself. If you have a strong conscience, this approach is likely to leave you with some regrets for the rest of your life. But please know that sometimes you cannot stop all the horrible things. All you can do is help when you can and you have to decide how much you want to get involved.

As for your class mates be careful!!! If you oppose them on open ground they will turn on you. Play it cool... plant seeds of positive thoughts, i.e. 'Yeah, I found him difficult to learn from in that subject, but he was really good in another subject. Maybe he is just out of his depth in a bad subject, but he was awesome during the vacation work I did with him'.

Post again and let me know how it goes. I can see from your writing that you are a good person, who may have made a small mistake which has blown into a mountain. These things happen and all you can do is try to make some patches and learn from it. I do wish you the best and hope it works out.

Posted by the daughter of Jenafer

 

[intricatic]

Thanks.... definitely some things to consider. We're a small school, and most of the faculty is on the side of the students because this guy's a new teacher, and because a large majority of his entire class is outspoken about the problem. Which is why I say he's on the lineup to be fired in the next few weeks. The corporate offices were already talking about cutting some of the teachers and trying to centralize most of the classes, he's in the spotlight because of this issue.
There are only a few other students who think this is complete lunacy and I've already asked them to write letters to the head chairs and the corporate offices. I guess letters will suffice for problem, although I think talking dirrectly to the head chair of our program would be better. It'll probably be both, if I write a letter, there's no way our head chair will just pretend that nothing happened - I'll be the first person he tracks down to talk to.
The situations' just even more weird because of the temptation to just sit back and do nothing, considering all the animosity that lies between him and I in class. It'd be more convenient for me, personally, to just not do anything. I guess that's what defines evil... justifying things like that for one's own convenience. Which is why I feel like I absolutely have to do something, I really don't have another option.

 

[RomanPrincess]

your going to run into many people in life you do not get along with or like.Best to learn how to respond to them now.The best thing to do is keep a godly attitude and do as what Jesus would do. Treat that person as good as yourself and show kindness to him.Love them anyways......even when it is hard to do so.Don't get caught up in gossip,walk away from it.Put God first and obey his laws.Walk in the Spirit and not the flesh.
Try not to think bad things about your teacher,Show love towards him ,you don't know what he may be going through or what situation he may be going through,he could be going through very hard times at work,home etc...Maybe all he needs is someone to be nice and kind towards him.Maybe you could offer to do something nice for him in class.(maybe bringing hm a simple soft drink would speaks volumes in kindness)Don't add to the problem and just be as nice to him as anyone else you like and get along with.Rise above what others are doing or saying and don't say or do as they do.
Live and walk in the Spirit... ;O)

 

[RomanPrincess]

honestly i think the man acts that way in class is because of all the people /students are talking bad about him...and he is not happy about that,that's enough to bring anyones spirits down not to mention that is a sin to gossip and it spreads lies and ruiens someones reputation..Even the school board is most likely giving him a hard time and adding to this problem..No wonder the teacher is not acting right...look what is going on around him...poor guy.
Writing a letter is not a good idea.

You responding as the others are doing is not in a godly fashion......Try to treat him as Jesus would..think about it.

 

[intricatic]

honestly i think the man acts that way in class is because of all the people /students are talking bad about him...and he is not happy about that,that's enough to bring anyones spirits down not to mention that is a sin to gossip and it spreads lies and ruiens someones reputation..Even the school board is most likely giving him a hard time and adding to this problem..No wonder the teacher is not acting right...look what is going on around him...poor guy.
Writing a letter is not a good idea.

You responding as the others are doing is not in a godly fashion......Try to treat him as Jesus would..think about it.

I definitely agree, which is why I'm taking so much of this as being my fault. I always take for granted that gossip exists when I talk to people. That's a lesson learned in a very hard way, mostly from this situation.

It's just hard to separate Godly and ungodly actions and decisions until everything's said and done with. Sometimes I wish I had a pause button for life so I could critically examine every situation I find myself in and determine exactly the right thing to do before I do it. But such is life....heh.... When you're living it and not just thinking or talking about it, things tend to be so much more complicated.

 

[bfly]

Pray for guidance and then follow it. It takes courage to do what is right.

A bad teacher is a bad teacher, it has nothing to do with what kind of person he is outside the classroom.

I thank God for good teachers. Teachers are my favorite kind of people.

Bad teachers are not my favorite kind of teachers and neither should they be accepted or looked over.