leothelioness said:
Your situation is obviously unique. I'm pretty sure it's rare that that happens.
It does not seem to be a rare occurrence on CF. I've lost count of how many couples have started talking on here, arranged to meet, and have hit it off. Some have not worked out, but many have. I know several couples that are in serious relationships right now or are currently engaged and I know more couples that have gotten married (five couples that got married come to mind off the top of my head and there are many more that I have heard of from other members).
This probably isn't a statistical question.
If you have strong feelings with someone you haven't met, it's important to meet and spend lots of time face to face to make sure that it works well in person.
I agree and in my relationship we are in the process of doing just that. My boyfriend was here for 9 days in August, I am going to visit him this month, then we are planning to both drive and meet in the middle for other visits. He is also in the process of looking for a job here.
Marriage is in person. Some people can express feelings and listen and resolve things very well in email, but do not do well in person.
I agree, although our contact was by phones or webcams and microphones, which are much more personal than just IM or e-mail. It still isn't the same as interacting face to face but is good practice because you do get to see and hear how the person interacts with you in real time (not delayed responses like in e-mail).
But it's hard to predict what will happen without doing that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Yes, but he won't ever know if it works or not if he doesn't meet her.
I believe it when he says he has strong feelings for her. I think the bigger issue is whether or not meeting her is worth the time, money, and risk involved. There is extra risk involved for him because her being divorced and having kids makes it much, much more complicated. KatAutumn brought up a lot of good points that he needs to take into very serious consideration. Also, she may be and probably is very different with her children around which is another thing to consider. Then there's the issue of sexual experience -- if she has had more than he has (which from the OP it seems she does), will he be bothered by that or can he accept that? Then there is the issue of them being students. He did not say how much longer either of them expect to be in school.
I'd definitely encourage people to live in the same place for a year or so before they get married.
I agree. This is also part of the plan between my boyfriend and I.
To the OP, if neither of you are willing to relocate then that pretty much gives you the answer to your problem. Before relocation, you both need to be willing to do a lot of traveling until one of you can move. <-- (That's probably a good idea anyway, as having several visits would give you a better idea of whether or not the relationship has a chance of working out.) If this is not something you both are willing or able to do, then you have your answer.
but new to me also. Also my other question is how can we make things easier being that we live in different states? It will be awhile before I can move cuz were both students.
