SweetfancymosesforcryingoutloudohgoodGRIEF!!!!
I married a man who had a serious mental illness, much more serious than I'd thought, apparently. He was diagnosed schizophrenic, but he managed it well with medication.
His family was bound and determined to keep him as helpless as possible. They resented my teaching him to do things, and preferred to do for him what he could have done for himself if they had let him. We're talking about a man who couldn't even spread the peanut butter on a slice of bread. Not that he wasn't able. It's just that nobody bothered to teach him, because they assumed he couldn't learn. When Mama had a stroke, Sister took over. She enjoyed the control. The more she did for him, the more say it gave her over how he should live his life. When his mother asked us if we planned to have children, Sister jumped in before I could say a word. "Remember? We talked about that, and we decided they can't, because there are barriers." (Hold on there, Sister. YOU decided?) Of course there were barriers; I would have said no if she'd let me answer. After that, just to get under her skin, I started talking about names we were going to give our children.
I have never possessed a credit card, don't believe in it, prefer not to do things that way, but I was half tempted to get one after Sister told my ex not to let me.
And the topper: She was going to have some examinations done to rule out stomach cancer, which their father had died of. There had been some abnormalities discovered, and they were investigating. My chin just about hit the floor when she said, "But I won't die. God won't let me. I'm too needed." (Mercy me, woman, how did God get along without you all those thousands of years before you were born?) I realize now that her whole existence was defined by taking care of other people. The worst thing that could happen to her is to have everyone in her life suddenly well, whole, and independent. She wouldn't be "needed" any more, and she wouldn't know what to do with herself.
The marriage lasted a scant year. He's the one who left, but in hindsight he did me a tremendous favor. It may have been his name on the marriage certificate, but Sister made it plain that I'd actually married her instead.
