In Desperate Need of Help!!

[GloriousDay]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. I was having SEVERE intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin.
Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement.

 

[Monk Brendan]

I am praying for you. I have suffered from extreme clinical depression in the past, and I know what it has done to me.

First, I would recommend that you go to a psychiatrist, and tell him what is going on. If you have gone off your meds for any reason, get back on them and maintain them. The drugs will not kill you, or take you away from the Lord, and if someone, even a pastor, has told you that you don't need drugs, ask him first if he is a licensed Psychotherapist/Pharmacologist. If he is not, then his opinion is not valid in this discussion.

I have been on anti-depressants for a long time--20 years or more. I take them because I go crazy if I don't. I start doubting my salvation, or if God loves me, or even if I belong on this world at all. Problems still happen, of course, but I KNOW that God loves me, etc.

May God bless you, and bring you to a speedy recovery.

 

[Bluerose31]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. I was having SEVERE intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin.
Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement.

I am sorry you have suffered so much. Jesus is with you and wants to comfort you. I have experienced being detached from my emotions and it is very scary. I understand myself as having BPD, or Borderline Personality Disorder. I have intense emotions naturally and at times they are hard to deal with. Feelings like anger, sadness and guilt are harder for me to deal with and a I feel stress about it. God still cares and loves you even though you are suffering so much. Christian Forums is a great supportive site and it will help you through your pain.

 

[gloriousday2006]

Thank you for the replies. I truly appreciate it. I have never dealt with this religious OCD before, and it has been terrifying. It is like all of my worst fears. Now it is centering around not feeling emotions. If I could go back and do things over I would in a heartbeat. I know everything good comes from God. I pray that everyone wakes up and knows Jesus as their Savior. He is the way, the truth, and the life. No matter what I feel or cannot feel I will keep on seeking. Jesus is Lord. I usually feel so deeply. I want to feel again, I want to help the hurting.

 

[PropheticTimes]

This seems to be happening to more and more of those who are getting closer to the Lord. I think part of it is a spiritual battle because the enemy hates to lose us to God.

Stay strong, and Monk Brendan gave sound advice. I have been dealing with this for 20+ years as well and I couldn't have said it better.

Prayers for you.

 

[macek]

What happened to you is that you want to be with the Lord and decided to leave your past life behind and become a new woman in Christ. The enemy doesn't like that at all and will do what he can to keep you away from Jesus. Look into what Monk Brendan suggested and also look for a good pastor to be delivered and baptised by the Holy Spirit. You can also contact John "the Baptist" at jbaptist777 at gmail dot com and he will get you in contact with pastor Aaron Wagner who does deliverances.

 

[Grace2022]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. I was having SEVERE intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin.
Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement.

Hi,
you have been attacked by the enemy. It does happen after people are baptized and often in the time leading up to it.
Do not be afraid, Satan cannot win. You need to get advice on prayers of protection. Is there a vicar you can speak to? If you attend church then seek guidance there.
Otherwise stay calm, pray to Lord Jesus and tell him all about it. Trust and have faith, this problem will disappear, soon you will be transformed and amazed at how wonderful you feel, through prayer. Spiritual attacks always happen when a soul makes steps to receive Jesus as Lord and saviour. X

 

[Haipule]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. I was having SEVERE intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin.
Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement.

I went through a similar ordeal when I lived on the island of Bali in Indonesia. It was 1979. It was the third world then--not Club Med. I was 19yrs old and was there for surfing.

My concern is that you mentioned losing weight. Bali is a surfer's paradise! Big perfect waves all day long. After a few months, I got very skinny and couldn't gain weight and just kept losing weight. My daily output of energy far exceeded my input.

Your body first burns the carbs till their gone. Then the fat till it's gone. Then your body starts to cannibalize itself feeding off of your organs. Your description of what you are experiencing is just like what I experienced.

The worst was not being able to think straight. It got worse and worse till a group of traveling EMT's convinced me to go back to Australia and see a doctor. The doctor told me I was suffering from "malnutrition"; gave me a shot and told me to get back to California and eat mom's cooking.

It was really, really, bad and took a year to recover. So please, get some blood work done!

Stay shiny my friend!

 

[Dave G.]

Just hear me out before you dismiss it.. I may or may not be right about this because I don't know your walk. But if I am right and it sounds like your time frame is about right, then your emotions that you feel are missing will be replaced with different emotions before too long. Example: I loved to fly fish and tie flies and do that outdoor stuff. I still like it in walking with the Lord but He had to align a new purpose to it. Rather than just love it, it first was taken away, I had zero care to do it at all for quite some time, then brought back but now How can I use it to His Glory. I see the bad in it as it was before, but the hope in it for the future, that I could walk with people in that field and Love them, maybe help them even.. I can use the flies I tie to communicate in Love with people out there stream side, to share what I know with them instead of hiding it. I was being prepared. Or, before, I saw a family and thought how nice but no true love for them. Now I see a father and his two daughters, for instance, and an instant prayer goes up to bless them. I had a period where I did not care at all about anyone who was not saved, now I think what will derail that beautiful child in this world, it's almost a sense of brokeness and then the love surfaces and I think to pray for them.. He takes the emotions away to give us new ones, the old things have faded away it says right ? If I'm right, Don't be scared, your time to rejoice is around the corner.

I'm not saying these things professing anything or to claim to know psychiatry but just how it's gone for me in my own spiritual walk. I went through a period of relearning things, part of it was losing old emotions, to be replaced with new ones. I'm aware of the Lord now, where I just lived life before. His apostles went through a three year learning curve, I wonder if they lost emotions for a time ? I bet they did.

If I'm right you will retain some simple basic things and learn that you enjoy a whole bunch of new ones. Priorities get realigned. And hey I could be completely wrong and we both should be put in a straight jacket !! I doubt it though, although the world system would say yes to that..

So meanwhile I'll be praying for you. See all those things you said above about Loving the Lord, He knows that too. He can use a true believer like you. But maybe not exactly as you were. Pray not so much about your apprehension but just that you understand this thing that is going on. And He will reveal it to you in His time. I'm not a betting man, but bet I'm right on this !

 

[Dave G.]

Hi,
you have been attacked by the enemy. It does happen after people are baptized and often in the time leading up to it.
Do not be afraid, Satan cannot win. You need to get advice on prayers of protection. Is there a vicar you can speak to? If you attend church then seek guidance there.
Otherwise stay calm, pray to Lord Jesus and tell him all about it. Trust and have faith, this problem will disappear, soon you will be transformed and amazed at how wonderful you feel, through prayer. Spiritual attacks always happen when a soul makes steps to receive Jesus as Lord and saviour. X

This is also a possibility, if it's spiritual and not hormonal; or some such thing. But also read my post of my thoughts.

 

[Mari17]

I'm curious about a couple of things. When you say you had "backslidden" and repented of your "sin," what exactly are you referring to? You don't have to give details that you're not comfortable sharing, but are you referring to 'real' sin, or an obsessive perception of sin? You mention that you've struggled with OCD in the past so I'm trying to discern where your OCD has entangled itself in this. What types of anxieties/intrusive thoughts were you experiencing? I'm by no means an expert (except for having OCD myself), but I know OCD can mess with our emotions and our perceptions of truth/reality. Religious OCD is unfortunately an issue that plagues many people. Are you experiencing intrusive thoughts/anxieties now? What are your biggest fears/anxieties at this time?

 

[Mari17]

Also there's nothing wrong with seeking spiritual help but if you have OCD you will need to address it from a psychological/mental angle as well. Do you have a therapist for OCD?

 

[gloriousday2006]

I have dealt with many religious based intrusive thoughts. They were terrible and horrifying. They caused extreme anxiety and felt like ice being shot into my chest. That took place for a whole month before the numbness. Now I am dealing with emotion numbing which is terrifying in its own right.

I did backslide for a long while and didn't even fully realize what I was doing. I wish I could take it back.

I truly want to serve the Lord. I was always a very empathetic person before this and felt my pain and everyone else's. I want to have my emotions back and serve the Lord.

Thank you everyone for your help!!!

 

[Mari17]

I'd recommend checking out these resources; they've been a great help to me:
http://ocdandchristianity.com/
Welcome

 

[gloriousday2006]

Has anyone else experienced this numbness before? It is so scary?

 

[gloriousday2006]

Even at night I cry out to Jesus. My emotions feel numb, but he is continually on my mind. I wake up first thing in the morning and songs of worship are running through my mind. I wonder why I can't feel my emotions.

 

[gloriousday2006]

I am terribly worried I have a hard heart. I want a soft compassionate heart. I want to help other people. I don't want to be emotionally numb. I need God. I can't do anything without Him.

 

[Mari17]

Just a thought... what if you stopped worrying about being emotionally numb? What if this is a type of obsession? After all, you don't need feelings to love and follow God or to serve others. They're nice to have, but not necessary. My guess is that when you stop being so afraid of losing your emotions, they might actually come back. That's the way OCD often likes to work, anyway.

 

[Goatee]

Jesus is carrying you, while you carry your cross in life.

I myself have been on meds for 15 plus years for anxiety / depression. It is a horrible horrible illness! Debilitating.

I love God MASSIVELY yet I sin massively!

I am weak but I ALWAYS turn to God.

You should seek help via a doctor first.

We all have to carry our crosses. You are not alone. Jesus is with you and we are here for support too.

God bless you

 

[gloriousday2006]

Just this morning I was sent old pictures of myself and family. Normally, this would make me cry. Now I feel so disconnected and emotionally numb. I know what I would like to feel in my head but my body does not have the emotion reaction. Is this depersonalization? How do I overcome this? This is not what I want at all. I want to.be overflowing with love and compassion.