In a Rut

[simplySummer]

I have been a stay at home mom for over 18 years. I homeschooled my boys for about 11 years. One has graduated two are in high school. One of the main reasons I decided to quit homeschooling is because of health issues--I just couldn't do it any longer (frozen shoulder in both arms and then later diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue) and my boys wanted to go to public school. I thought at this point in my life I could return to work but in all reality even with the boys in school, I'm still pretty busy keeping up with my home and taking them various places (school, practice). My heart has always been with my home (and those who live here) and for now my husband is fine with me being home. I'd love to work from home but I'm just not sure what I can do. The energy that I do have goes into being available for my boys, and keeping up with DIY projects around here.

Now, I say my heart is with my home but here lately I just can't seem to get into the projects that I had always dreamed about doing (painting cupboards, furniture, decorating). I feel as if I'm taking it for granted and the guilt is really getting to me. Yes, I do battle the fatigue but I don't want to give up, go back to work and then regret not taking advantage of this opportunity I've been given to do what I've always wanted. Any suggestions on how I can get out of the rut?

 

[Hidden In Him]

Yes, I do battle the fatigue but I don't want to give up, go back to work and then regret not taking advantage of this opportunity I've been given to do what I've always wanted. Any suggestions on how I can get out of the rut?

Not for certain here, but what may have been happening is you had a touch of "the grass is greener" syndrome. This is only natural. When we can't do something we feel like it would be so much fun if we could. Then when we finally have the opportunity, we're like, "Meh... not so much."

If that's the case, don't beat yourself up. Just pray that whatever work the Lord gives you to do in the future you truly enjoy. Most people don't realize how much of a blessing work actually is, and how Heaven will not be about sitting around and playing harps all day. I never knew how truly boring life could be until I was unemployed for two months.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Pray about what God might have you do. We sometimes start creating large to-do lists in our head that really need to be spiritually prioritized.

FWIW, up until last summer, about a year ago, I'd been constantly employed for about 30 years. I hit a point of complete stress and burnout to the point of having panic attacks and ending up in the ER. (Which was a blessing in disguise because a complete battery of tests showed I was physically okay except for the stress.) We decided to use the rainy day fund and I completely took off about 4 months to just completely shut down. I read the Bible through and just tried to relax and de-stress. I then started doing some consulting instead of looking for full time work. At this point, my sense is that God was pushing me to semi-retirement. As it turns out, up until the last month, I'd still been carrying some levels of stress (that I'd just gotten used to). I realized that in the past 3 weeks, I've slept through the night all but 2 or 3 nights (and those were just waking up a few hours earlier than normal). In contrast, a year ago, I was waking up for a few hours every night and then reading until I was sleepy again, and then dragging myself to work where caffeinated beverages kept me alert. I'm slowly getting back into a mode where my energy is even remotely close to what it was. I still have a list of things I want to accomplish and don't seem to be getting too far on it. However, I hadn't realized until this past week that my sleep patterns were just getting back to normal and that it is normal to go to bed and then get up about 8 hours later.

Last fall as I was starting to recover from stress, I felt like I had a lot of things I should be doing. However, my sense was God was just telling me to take a few months completely off. I'd been working on learning Greek to read the Bible. I just felt like God's direction for me was a "go read the Bible in Greek and then when you're done we'll worry about what to do next." That took about 4 months and I really needed it for the general reshaping of my thought patterns from the constant churning of things that needed to be done and we also got in a nice long overdue vacation.

Consider taking a sabbatical from obligations and responsibilities for awhile. Maybe read a few books. Is there something you've always thought about doing education-wise? E.g. learning a foreign language? Are there some DIY shows or things on the internet to binge watch? Is there something to do for *yourself* that you've always felt too guilty about doing because of family obligations? Is there a nice park or place to go sit outside and watch the birds and squirrels for awhile each day? Do you have some friends you could just spend some more time hanging out with? Is there some activity just you and your husband could take off to do and relax together?

 

[com7fy8]

@simplySummer > In Hebrews 13:5 we have >

"be content with such things as you have" (in Hebrews 13:5)

And we have how our Apostle Paul learned to be content, no matter what >

Philippians 4:11-12

And if we learn to walk with Jesus, "you will find rest for your souls," He says in Matthew 11:28-30.

But how does this work practically?

when we finally have the opportunity, we're like, "Meh... not so much."

I would say to first get into prayer so we are satisfied by God, instead of planning what we dictate will make us satisfied. Then discover what God has us doing with Him, satisfied in His love and leading. And share with your husband, however God blesses him to share with you and help you practically about what to do. But first be pleased that you are with God, and that you have your husband, and this satisfies you, no matter what else is working out or not. Enjoy peace because of being with God, and this making you strong so stress can't get the better of you.

large to-do lists in our head

Possibly, we need to first settle down in prayer and see what God guides us to do, satisfying and guiding us . . . not abusing and pressuring us, but with "rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:28-30)

I would say not to allow stress to abuse and drive you to do things; this is not how God fathers us. So, do not excuse it.

a list of things I want to accomplish and don't seem to be getting too far on it.

If God is committed to making something work . . . we will get somewhere with it. But in case we are do-it-ourselfing . . . we could have God resisting us > James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5.

as I was starting to recover from stress, I felt like I had a lot of things I should be doing. However, my sense was God was just telling me to take a few months completely off.

I would say that can be a trick > we feel good so all of a sudden we should be doing all we can, and this of course can bring us right back to stress and self-abuse.

But, possibly, stopping everything can be too far the other way.

I think we need to be broken in to the yoke of Jesus, which is easy and light. And learn how to submit to Him while doing only what He has us doing with "rest for our souls." Don't let yourself be abused into doing anything. Jesus is kind and tender with us, not forcing and torturing and guilt-tripping and pressuring us.

But trust our Heavenly Father to do what He is committed to doing with us in His peace >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

Circumstantial rest of a few months might help, somehow, but we need deeper curing of our character to be strong in Jesus so we have more and more immunity against how stress and other cruel and abusive things would violate us. And pleasure tripping can help to keep us weak, though God does give us "all things to enjoy." (1 Timothy 6:17)

So, enjoy sharing in the LORD with your husband, and discovering with one another how God takes you along Grace can give you more energy . . . love energy which is so better than only practical motivation.

So God bless you and your husband, howsoever he pleases. And your example can still educate your children so they see and discover how to relate and share in love in marriage and as a family.

 

[simplySummer]

Hidden,

I think too, when I started to homeschool my boys I let part of myself go. I put everything I had into homeschooling and didn’t do much for me. It’s been incredibly difficult to tap back in to my creative side. I’ve had so many great ideas floating around in my head but, you’re right, now that I have the chance to do them I realize how much work (and energy) it’s going to take to do the things I’ve always wanted to do!


Gandalf,

I really do think that my frozen shoulders were a blessing in disguise and the Lord wanted me to get off the merry-go-round of life for awhile. It’s very painful to go through (physically and psychologically) and it forced me to slow down. I made the mistake when they were young of trying to do everything instead of asking my boys (and husband) to pitch in more. Well, during that time, they had to help!


Glad to hear your sleep patterns are getting back to normal. My husband and I both struggle with getting good sleep. I have to watch my caffeine intake really close and not drink too much. There’s a tea called Sleepy Time Extra (the “extra” one works the best) that has helped. I also sometimes wonder if God wakes me up in the middle of the night to either chat or pray over/for my boys. What you've gone through sounds so similar to what my husband is going through right now. He's never had anxiety before but has been battling the past few months. It has brought him so much closer to the Lord, though!


God has called me to be a prayer warrior, now more than ever, especially for my family. I feel it’s a constant battle we are engaged in but the Lord has been so incredibly patient and gracious and has been with us every step of the way. He is so good!


Com7fy8,
Wonderful reminders that the Lord does want us to rest in Him, that His burden is light. I just wrote out that verse yesterday and posted it. Anxiety, fretting and stress are not from Him and I need to recognize immediately when my spirit is unsettled. This is a constant, constant battle.

You see, I do want love to be my motivation for everything that I do. Finding that balance of not over-doing it (like I use to, which made me sick) but doing my part, is tricky. I'm grateful that my husband is so patient and supportive!

 

[Take Heart]

Perhaps you may find inspiration/motivation on Pinterest, Youtube videos of 'room decor/room tour/bedroom DIY'-stuff like that It usually helps me whenever I feel unmotivated to start on things I love doing.

 

[simplySummer]

Spirit Reborn,
Yes! I think I have a little bit of a perfectionist problem that keeps me from jumping in. I just need to start somewhere and stop overthinking things so much. There's this mental hurdle that I just can't seem to get over.