in a pickle

[hempcrow]

hey all...... i know i'm usually cheery, but i've been broken dow, by the lord's hand, i don't know. anyway, so far, since th newyear started, my family has been dying off.. i attended two funerals within a four-week period for on younger family member, and one older. others have been put into the hospital. we can't figure out what is going on......

on top of that, my junior prom is coming up quick, and i don't want to go unless i have a date. i don't have a date, yet but still want to go. can't handle seeing others together anymore. i'm so down on everything, and now i'm tryin to start lookin for a significant other, but past attempts at relationships have failed due to lack of attention or due to the other person sleeping around with litterally everyone. i still maintain my "v- card". thats not a problem tho. i'm so tired of feeling lonely, but the task of meeting someone is so daunting, i don't ever feel like bothering with it. but i also feel that if i don't feel some sort of human emotion of love from other than family i might resort to drastic and final solutions. it's all so con fusing and depressing. then i can't keep in touch with my frfiends, my school has broken up the group() we would gladly let anyone sit with us at lunch) in an attempt to eliminate the elusive " clique" problem. but they don't realize that they are playing and toying with still un familiar emotions, feelings, and yet uncompletely formed relationships. it's enough to make me want to end it all right here, right now..... i can't take it anymore. i'm so tired of this crap i don't know hwat i'll do!!!

i'm tired of being treeted by the world as if i don't matter. i'm tired of being told that i'm a failure by my own father. i'm sick and tired of being bombarded by teachers handing out assignments that are near impossible to complete and pass a class with. i'm tired of this war going on inside of me and i just want it to stop!

i can't go to my family about it, because they don't know how to express this thing called genuine love.
i can't talk to my parents about it because they think it's teenage angst. IT'S NOT!!!! they don't realize it happens to them every single d**** day!!! and the world has them so numbed to it, that it ceases to bother them.;!!!
I WANT MY FRIENDS TO STOP JUMPING IN AND OUT OF MY LIFE BECAUSE THE SCHOOL IS AFRIAD THAT ONE PERSON IS GOING TO CRY TO THIER MOMMY AND SAY THAT SOME MEANY AT SCHOOL WOULDN'T LET THEM SIT AT A STUPID LUNCH TABLE. GET OVER IT!!!!!!!

i don't want to feel like this.. i .. oi don't want to be the one sitting and complaining, but come on!!!

i know that the world isn't fair and that it never will be, but that don't mean that we have to be unfair to eachother..... i'm rambling. i just want someon to hear this for what it is.... i'
m crying out for help, and the world has turned a deaf ear for far too long! as of now i don't know what kind of actions ill take in the future, i just hope it never becomes sobad that i find it better to off myself. i really enjoy being alive too much, no matter how much i complain.

if you read this i do ask that you respond. as i did post this specifically to get feedback. plz i need to know someone saw this message and knows what i'm going through. or even if you don't know what it is i'm going through please im begging you send some message back....

 

[tapero]

Dear Hempcrow,

Hi, I am so sorry about the passing away of the two people you know. I can't imagine how you are feeling and I feel for you. It sounds like you are going through a very stressful time.

God loves you very much and cares deeply for all you are going through. He saves all your tears. So you know that means that he knows of your pain. Give him all your worries and it will help.

I'm glad you wrote the letter. Maybe you can write some more of how you are feeling and keep us updated.

Praying for you, Tapero

 

[jacquidube]

Hi Sweetheart. I know what you are going through. I try so hard not to judge. I try so hard not to complain but the people you speak about, friends, parents, family are not where you are right now. You are seeing yourself in a different light as also I am. You are noticing SIN alot more than the average person, which in my eyes is a good thing. Try to be positive about how you are feeling and dont think negative because everytime you think negative and get angry you are just putting a smile on satans face.
I too have lost my gran 3 weeks ago and I miscarried my 12 week old baby 12 days ago and have just been told my mum has only a few weeks to live. I cant understand why life is so cruel. Sin allows us to die from illness and I know that but having to go through so much heartache is hard. How do we handle this? I know that God is with me and He will not allow me to go through something I cant handle. You sound such a brave and loving person just looking for reassurance. Try if you can to be blind to what is around you. I have to do that otherwise things other people do would make me angry and God doesnt want us to be that way.
I do sympathise with you and I will pray for you and you pray for you and your family and friends and give everything to God. He is waiting for you to do that. I asked Him and I am getting by. Without God in my life I would be so lonely because He is the only one who really understands me.
Remember You do matter. Dont let satan think you dont.I dont know you but you matter to me.
I send you all my love and many hugs to say that I care about you.
Love Jacqui. x x x x

 

[hempcrow]

Hi Sweetheart. I know what you are going through. I try so hard not to judge. I try so hard not to complain but the people you speak about, friends, parents, family are not where you are right now. You are seeing yourself in a different light as also I am. You are noticing SIN alot more than the average person, which in my eyes is a good thing. Try to be positive about how you are feeling and dont think negative because everytime you think negative and get angry you are just putting a smile on satans face.
I too have lost my gran 3 weeks ago and I miscarried my 12 week old baby 12 days ago and have just been told my mum has only a few weeks to live. I cant understand why life is so cruel. Sin allows us to die from illness and I know that but having to go through so much heartache is hard. How do we handle this? I know that God is with me and He will not allow me to go through something I cant handle. You sound such a brave and loving person just looking for reassurance. Try if you can to be blind to what is around you. I have to do that otherwise things other people do would make me angry and God doesnt want us to be that way.
I do sympathise with you and I will pray for you and you pray for you and your family and friends and give everything to God. He is waiting for you to do that. I asked Him and I am getting by. Without God in my life I would be so lonely because He is the only one who really understands me.
Remember You do matter. Dont let satan think you dont.I dont know you but you matter to me.
I send you all my love and many hugs to say that I care about you.
Love Jacqui. x x x x

thankful to you who respond and give support*
smiling to you all through the screen.

 

[Im-revived]

The Lords hand will never break you down, although it may feel like it. Whats breaking you down is not being able to forgive God as you think hes causing everything.

A little Story:-

This is my last 2 and a half months to 3 months.

Continued Chemotherapy for 6 malignant cancers on my spine.

A divorce

A Rape

A robbing in my own home whilst I was in.

Yet another Sexual assault doing Christian work for the needy.

Accusation of Fraud (which has just been sorted and proved I hadn't done anything)

A son who has become more mentally unstable since the robbery, so turns violent.

Constant sickness.

To come:-

Court case regarding the Robbery

Continued Chemotherapy for 5 months

Continuing to be a single parent

And I'm sure many other things will arise.

I blamed God and till I realised it wasn't God doing all this and forgave him anyway as I was doubting, I attempted suicide 3 times.

All i'm going to leave you with is, don't blame God, ask him to carry you through your trials. Its the devil doing this not God.

Im-revived

hey all...... i know i'm usually cheery, but i've been broken dow, by the lord's hand, i don't know. anyway, so far, since th newyear started, my family has been dying off.. i attended two funerals within a four-week period for on younger family member, and one older. others have been put into the hospital. we can't figure out what is going on......

on top of that, my junior prom is coming up quick, and i don't want to go unless i have a date. i don't have a date, yet but still want to go. can't handle seeing others together anymore. i'm so down on everything, and now i'm tryin to start lookin for a significant other, but past attempts at relationships have failed due to lack of attention or due to the other person sleeping around with litterally everyone. i still maintain my "v- card". thats not a problem tho. i'm so tired of feeling lonely, but the task of meeting someone is so daunting, i don't ever feel like bothering with it. but i also feel that if i don't feel some sort of human emotion of love from other than family i might resort to drastic and final solutions. it's all so con fusing and depressing. then i can't keep in touch with my frfiends, my school has broken up the group() we would gladly let anyone sit with us at lunch) in an attempt to eliminate the elusive " clique" problem. but they don't realize that they are playing and toying with still un familiar emotions, feelings, and yet uncompletely formed relationships. it's enough to make me want to end it all right here, right now..... i can't take it anymore. i'm so tired of this crap i don't know hwat i'll do!!!

i'm tired of being treeted by the world as if i don't matter. i'm tired of being told that i'm a failure by my own father. i'm sick and tired of being bombarded by teachers handing out assignments that are near impossible to complete and pass a class with. i'm tired of this war going on inside of me and i just want it to stop!

i can't go to my family about it, because they don't know how to express this thing called genuine love.
i can't talk to my parents about it because they think it's teenage angst. IT'S NOT!!!! they don't realize it happens to them every single d**** day!!! and the world has them so numbed to it, that it ceases to bother them.;!!!
I WANT MY FRIENDS TO STOP JUMPING IN AND OUT OF MY LIFE BECAUSE THE SCHOOL IS AFRIAD THAT ONE PERSON IS GOING TO CRY TO THIER MOMMY AND SAY THAT SOME MEANY AT SCHOOL WOULDN'T LET THEM SIT AT A STUPID LUNCH TABLE. GET OVER IT!!!!!!!

i don't want to feel like this.. i .. oi don't want to be the one sitting and complaining, but come on!!!

i know that the world isn't fair and that it never will be, but that don't mean that we have to be unfair to eachother..... i'm rambling. i just want someon to hear this for what it is.... i'
m crying out for help, and the world has turned a deaf ear for far too long! as of now i don't know what kind of actions ill take in the future, i just hope it never becomes sobad that i find it better to off myself. i really enjoy being alive too much, no matter how much i complain.

if you read this i do ask that you respond. as i did post this specifically to get feedback. plz i need to know someone saw this message and knows what i'm going through. or even if you don't know what it is i'm going through please im begging you send some message back....

 

[Anti Existance]

Nothing in this universe can make you happy exept loving and helping other people.

You have to understand that you either choose to serve society or choose to serve God. Diploma's , money, career,school,houses cars ,materialistical posessions, they all mean NOTHING in Gods perspective , i had a lot of depression thinking that these things could 'fill up the gaps' in my life , reality is that they don't assist in your happyness. You know life is supposed to be hard, that's how we learn. I desperatly want you to read this near death experience.

http://www.near-death.com/forum/nde/000/93.html

If you read it and understand the 'basic' concept of that there is an entirely different way of looking on towards death and dying. Imagine if you died, would you be happy to see your loved being in sheer agony, pain, depression and suffering over your death for many years to come? Of course no , you would love to see them to be happy and live their lives like God intended to. So instead of dying for your loved ones, start LIVING for them. And start a better way of life here.

http://www.aleroy.com/Abetway.htm

I hope it helps.

 

[Johnnz]

This is a time when you need the support and care of others. Are there people from church who are safe enough for you to just 'dump on". You have too much going on all at once to face on your own.

John
NZ

 

[SavedByAnAngel]

i'm tired of being treeted by the world as if i don't matter

and the world has turned a deaf ear for far too long

Yes, the world will do that to a person, but God never will turn a deaf ear to you and you do matter to Him. If you could just stop for a moment when things get tough, close your eyes and talk to God you just might find the peace you are looking for.

 

[RomanPrincess]

The problem is ,Your focusing on your circumstances and situations that is why you do not have any peace right now......focus your eyes on God and draw closer to God and he will give you peace and work things out for you(read Romans 8:28-29). Do not worry n do not get anxious and just focus on God and his word and give your concerns to Jesus to handel...God loves you and has a plan for your life,God sees your potentiel and you are not a fauiler, think good thoughts... look at the good things about you.

Don't be like the world...hate the way of the world.

All Christians are battleing spiritual warfare everyday..it's part of being a Christian.I understand it is tough.Your crying out to the world?? That is the wrong place to go to...they won't listen.Cry out to the LORD instead,he is there waiting for you to come to him and more than anything he wants a personal relationship with you.

 

[nowhereville]

Sometimes our life is very daunting on the whole. Sometimes it really does help to break it down to what can I do today? God says today's worries are sufficient - you can do nothing about the past or future so why worry?

You can do nothing about the deaths in your family other then grieve and reach out to others in your family.

Your prom is a ways out yet - you can talk to friends to see what they will be doing. My daughter went stag with her best friend one year - they had a blast.

When you lump it all together it does seem very very hard - but seperately it will seem much easier.