Im Suffering

[Giantsbran1227]

My OCD has really been hurting me lately. I became a serious devoted Christian a couple months ago. I have always been christian but I never took my faith seriously and acted on it. I used to have OCD with food and obsessed over what I ate because at the time it was the most important thing in my life. Now that God is the most important thing in my life, my OCD is showing up in my religious life.

I believe in God with all my heart but my minds tells me that he is not real. Half of the day I will feel FULL of the holy spirit and at such peace with God, then my mind will start telling me he is not real, he hates me, etc. It is SO tiring. I don't believe these thoughts nor do I want to think them, they just show up. I try to avoid anything that will make me doubt but I can't. If I see a homeless person on the street I'll say in my mind that "if there was a god......". It has gotten to the point where in the matter of minutes I could go from being in such GRACE with Christ to doubting his very existence and being depressed. My MIND is killing me and I don't know what to do.

What fears me the most is that these thoughts will keep me out of heaven. Anyone who has advice please help me out. God Bless!

 

[kaykay9.0]

Well, your first few statements indicate that you at least already do have a good grasp of what's happening here. Knowledge is power. This is what OCD often does when you are a Christian. The OCD fears attacks what's most important to you. Been around this bend a few times myself. I can only tell you basically that the most important thing is to treat the OCD, not the doubts. From my own experience, trying to chase the doubts and resolve them instead of the OCD struggles only causes new ones to appear. Kind of like the old "pop a mole" game if you know what I'm referring to.

The more you "attend" to the doubts and fear them, the more prolific they become. At least that was my experience. As much as possible, and I know it's hard, try to just keep walking your Christian walk and ignore the "what ifs" that will try to hinder you. We do walk by faith and not by sight. OCD will try to demand 100% certainty with everything and with faith as well as most areas of life, that's just not possible. Stay in prayer and the Word and fellowship with other believers. This is important. Beyond that, I would encourage you to actively treat the OCD if your not currently doing that. That may mean counseling and/or meds. Wishing you the best~ I know it's painful. I've been there.

 

[Giantsbran1227]

Thanks for your reply. I dont want to become addicted to meds so Im scared to take them. Im going to try some natural herbal remedies, and I hope to also get some counseling done but I want to find a christian counselor.

Ill try and treat the OCD not the doubts. I have not been doing that. When I get doubts I usually try and reread all the things that made me believe in God in the first place and Ill do little google searches saying "why God is real". lol. I will try to not rebuke the doubts because I know that I am already a christian in my heart and I need no more reassurance. Thanks for you help darling. God Bless.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Thanks for your reply. I dont want to become addicted to meds so Im scared to take them. Im going to try some natural herbal remedies, and I hope to also get some counseling done but I want to find a christian counselor.

Ill try and treat the OCD not the doubts. I have not been doing that. When I get doubts I usually try and reread all the things that made me believe in God in the first place and Ill do little google searches saying "why God is real". lol. I will try to not rebuke the doubts because I know that I am already a christian in my heart and I need no more reassurance. Thanks for you help darling. God Bless.

Yes, that's exactly the kind of thing I used to do too. Like I said, I've been around that road more than a few times myself. I read some very good apologetic type books to reinforce my faith...and they kinda help a little ...again until your OCD finds a new twist on "doubting." I hesitate to mention it, but one I found especially good was entitled Letters From a Skeptic by Dr. Gregory Boyd. Again, though, if the doubts are OCD fueled, this is just a form of reassurance that just won't help in the long run. Just try to take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this. This is classic OCD for a Christian.And again, I reiterate, I encourage you to actively pursue some help for the OCD.