Hello folks.Just a noye to say sorry i havent posted much but you were all in my thoughts.I have been having a real rough time an have been in a right mess.when i get like this i shut off etc.I am still not ok but am trying to sort it out.I got doctor popping in soon as i get homw visits off a CPN every fortnight. It all started really with getting a bit up an then worrying i was in wrong church.sos i tried some others.I guess i lost some sleep as i was praying lots into the night for help.Anyhow i got burn out i feel.Then my mum found out an although im 43 she got really cross as she said i new this religion thing would make you ill.This really upset me as she has faith.I told her on phone as she lives away miles away that yes i had found God and i was excited, but not high.I said its a hard jorney i felt for a new christain to find there feet etc,and that i did feel overwhelmed.she said i was to throw all my bibles out,no more praying an church or else she would call the doctor.I did lie an pretend to agree as i am a bit scared of my mum.But im ok.Im low now cos she has upset me.She says its a phase an will pack up the God thing soon as she words it most disrespectfully.Well im gutted.It isnt a fad.God has truly entered my heart.He does feel like he in my head alot i must admiyt but thats because its all new to me an i have got so much i wanna learn.my whole prespective on life has changed.its scary but exciying.I feel blesssed that it has happened.I now feel no matter what I have God to turn to.Im no longer afaid of myself ,my illness or the world.But my mums reaction has worried me. I know she likes to be in full control of all things ,hence why i live at a distanace,but she is using my illness against me this week,an says it may harm my son now im religious an that she is my next of kin etc an reminds me hospital isnt nice.Im praying hard an staying strong.I havent been to church as she phoned one of my friends who attends an siad i wasnt to go so i couldnt.I know i have BP. an i can get ill,but im not ill at the mo.im weary of being labeled an scared mum will tell dr im mad etc.but I cant help it if I have become a christain.I havent got religious mania.I may be ill but im fairly intelligengt enough to know whats what.How do i deal with this guys.I dont wanna upset her,sahe is visting today aswell.She is a dominerring lady an likes things her way.she has a powerful presence.if i stand my ground she calls me manic.im taking deep breaths as i type even now.Im sane ,Im a good mum.AND iM NOT GIVINING up on GOD FOR MY MUM, but i can see a rough ride ahead.thanks for atleast reading.:o
