I'm speaking out...

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I've been going in and out of this forum, debating on whether or not to post this. It's time though, I'm speaking out. I was emotionally abused by a boyfriend, he manipulated me, and I didn't think about this until now but maybe this is the reason that I struggle so much with letting myself feel, letting myself express my emotions.

I was also sexually abused as well. Not by my boyfriend but a family friend. I was only a child then. Yet I am just starting to open up about the abuse. Even though this abuse was a while ago, the feelings are raw and fresh.

I really could just use some support as I try and work through this both on here and in therapy.

 

[RuthD]

You are doing a very brave thing by working through it. I am praying for you and wish you all the best!

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I'm having a rough time working through the abuse this week. I don't feel brave. Thanks for the prayers Ruth

 

[Criada]

Speaking out is a huge first step, well done, sweetie
Working through things is very hard... but it *is* worthwhile, sweetie.
Thinking of you .

 

[ido]

I'm having a rough time working through the abuse this week. I don't feel brave. Thanks for the prayers Ruth

You are very brave, sis. Don't doubt that one bit. I'm proud of you for finding the strength to face this and work towards healing.

 

[Criada]

Thinking of you today, sweetie, and hoping that there is a little bit more light than yesterday.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I'm feeling very weak today. This road towards healing seems so dark and lonely. I have been triggered a few times this week...had flashbacks of the abuse.

 

[ido]

I tried to reply to your PM earlier but the site timed out. I'm praying that things start to get easier soon.

Psalm 27

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.

3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.

4 One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.

5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.

8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.

9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.

10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

 

[Criada]

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I'm so tired. Thanks for writing Psalm 27 out for me.

Thanks for the hugs Criada.

 

[Johnnz]

It's a long journey. Tiredness is normal.

John
NZ

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I've been going through hard stuff for years, I'm just sick and tired of it.

 

[ido]

I've been going through hard stuff for years, I'm just sick and tired of it.

I will try to send you a PM this weekend (it's going to be a busy one) and share a bit of my testimony with you. I'm a Recovery mod b/c I have a heart for helping others, but also b/c I have come out of some very dark situations in my own life. If there is hope for me and I have overcome a lot of my struggles then I have no reason to believe you - or anyone else - can't overcome your struggles, too.

It is a long, hard road and it's easy to want to feel like giving up or feel like God isn't there/doesn't care/isn't listening. But He is and it can get easier, even if it never goes away...and best of all, you can grow a stronger faith b/c of your trials.

I have faith in you - and everyone else here - that you can believe that truth and cling to it just like I have for the last 20 or so years.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

How, How, How.

 

[ido]

I promise I will try to PM you tonight. I'm sorry - other than a few minutes here and there, I haven't been online nearly as much as usual.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

It's ok. Not your fault. That would be great if you PM me tonight.

 

[Criada]

How is a hard question... the answer is different for everyone, i think.
Just... let yourself feel, try to understand what you need right now, and how that need can be met.
God is with you, and you are loved. He won't let go... and you have many prayers!
Keep talking, dear one.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I thought why was the hard question...now it's how. How am I supposed to get through this?
Let myself feel...I want to, but can't. I feel like crying, but I can't let myself.
I wish I could feel God right now but I can't ...

 

[Criada]

Why can't you let yourself cry, sweetie?
Tears are cathartic... it often helps.

 

[STAYING_STRONG4HIM]

I can't cry...It's not safe to.