Im so sorry Lord

[my heart is his]

Boy did I screw up today. I dont know whats wrong with me. I hate to justify what I did by saying ?oh its only human.? Why does our flesh have to be so demanding. A friend came over today, we just hung out in my living room for a while my mom was upstairs so in a way we were kind of alone. I didnt expect the night to turn out like it did. I never expected him to kiss me and even more me kiss him back. As if I wasnt already struggling with sexual temtations. I wish I would have never put myself in that kind of a
situation. I have been there before and have not messed up...but why risk it? Now I feel like I have given in to my flesh...because I have, and I feel that I have let God down. After so long of going strong....gosh....in a blink of an eye I let that all go...for a moment of satisfaction. I dont know what to do..I feel like crying and then the sinful part of me feels like rejoicing...of enjoying what I did...of remembering the savory-ness of the moment. I hate being so weak, so vulnerable. God, I never want to do this again...take all this desire away...take my weakness Lord, I dont want this. I dont want to turn my backon you like this ever again. I think its crazy how I easily lie or harbor anger in my heartand not even think twice about it or not even consider it a ?great sin?;but when it comes to this...making out...I feel so ashamed, so dirty, so discpicable. I had been washed clean by the blood of the lamb...I should have learned from my old mistakes....Sexual immorality is the only sin against we sin against the body. Gosh...my body belongs to Christ...no one else, how can I be so selfish and use it to glorify myself. Now I hear a voice telling me ?well you didnt do anything, he didnt touch, you didnt have sex.? Nevertheless I was glorifying myself...not putting my eyes on God, I was looking to gratify something in me..if kissing didnt feel good noone would kiss. I am guilty. I talked to the guy and he said he felt weird too (He is a beliver). And yet; he kept holding me close, kept carressing my hair...he said it was so hard not to kiss me and then stupid me allowed myself to be kissed. I hate this! I really do! Then we talked about it once
more...we concluded that it wasnt right...I felt it in my heart all along and yet I ignored my counciler, the holy spirit, I shut him up. I need the holy spirt though, I am so sorryLord for what I have done. Lord I promise I wont ever act like this again, give me the strenght once more to stay out of tepting situations that would glorify satan and not You.Some parts of me wish that I had never kissed someone before...becasue then it wouldnt be so hard...I wish I didnt have feelings...no i take that back. I love loving. Feelings are tricky adn you cannto trust them, my example is tonight...but eventhough there is hurt and frustration and confusing stuff involved with emotions, I rather have them than bemy old numb self. I hate the way I acted, I can?t stop saying it. I was doing so well not stumbling and then I hit rock bottom. I am climbing up...It?s just that the fall gave me some scrathches that are taking long to heal. Lord, give me your heart, let me love everyone like you and let me take my eyes off myself and put them back where they belong, on the cross, on your precious son. I love you and I am so sorry for not loving you enough, I am soooo sorry for tonight. I can see that I am not ready for a relationship...guide me Lord I want to only focus on you and school. Set me straight, dicipline me and mold me. I am the clay you are the potter. Thank You for your grace and unfathomable forgiveness. Help me forgive myself, remove the guilt and the shame. I am clean Lord. I want to stay pure until the day I get married, if it is in Your will. I love you God of my heart, my saviour and reedemer.

If anyone is struggling with this or can for please Help me out. Thank You and God Bless all.

 

[Awake]

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" - Isaiah 43:18-19

 

[ascribe2thelord]

I feel so ashamed, so dirty, so discpicable. I had been washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. I should have learned from my old mistakes. Sexual immorality is the only sin in which we sin against the body. My body belongs to Christ and no one else. How can I be so selfish and use it to glorify myself? Now I hear a voice telling me well you didn't do anything, he didn't touch, you didn't have sex ...

Dear sister in Christ, please stop condemning yourself ... it's not going to get you any closer to God.

First, the issue of "glorifying oneself" instead of God: It's easy to be caught in dogmatic, repetitive thought patterns like that. But God wants us to pray and not to be overcome by worries. "It's all about Him," is another thing I think needs to go, because the more we say it the less we mean it.

Second, considering that you are already friends with him, ask him if he wants to be in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship with you. At your age, it's probably the smartest course of action ... that is, if you have romantic feelings toward him. If you don't, maybe the best idea would be to pull back from the relationship until he stops pursuing you.

Third, no one besides yourself is going to hate you for your actions. It certainly has not made you dirty and despicable to Christ. If you've been washed once in the blood of the Lamb, you are clean. Jesus presented Himself as a sacrifice for our since once, and once is all that's needed. The guilt you're feeling is not good, "for He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in His sight" (Ep. 1:4). You've already renounced sin and accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior; at that time, He declared you holy and blameless.

I think that the voice you're imagining "you didn't have sex..." could be your own conscience trying to resist Satan's accusations against you. You need God's hand in that fight in order to succeed and press on toward the goal of our faith. However, if that's your flesh, don't hesitate to rebuke yourself in the Name of the Lord Jesus.

If you want to avoid in the future situations like the one you described, consider Joseph's actions when confronted with Pophitar's wife's sexual advances on him: "She grabbed him by his garmet and said, Sleep with me! But leaving his garment in her hand, he escaped and ran outside" (Gen. 39:12). The next time a guy says he wants to kiss you, tell him no and walk out of the room. Go somewhere where people are gathered. (That's not to say kissing is wrong ... it's just that certain context that makes it sinful.) Remember God always gives you a route of escape; even if that route is the hardest to take, take it.

Feel free to IM me anytime. Even if my away message is on, I'll still get your message.

-Adam

 

[IDS]

I see your tears
I hear your cries
I know your fears
I understand your whys

And as I came
to comfort and hold
You ran from me
into the rain and cold

A failure in your eyes
a treasure in mine
You say you have faded
I see you shine

You are weak
but I am strong
Come home, little one,
to where you belong

.....peace.....


My heart is his, it's okay. GOD loves you as much today as He ever has. Our works (the things we do for GOD) are like a grain of sand on the beach of GOD's mercy.


Your post touched the heart of a dad. I saw the agony of your soul being poured out. I went to our Father. I read your journal.


Please allow me to make some observations.


GOD doesn't want you to be perfect. At least not the way you are trying to be perfect. You are putting way too much pressure on yourself.


I keep thinking of Matthew 4 as Jesus was tempted by satan. One of the temptations was to take Jesus to the top of the temple and then "dare" Him to jump off. If Jesus was truly the Son of GOD then the angels would catch him, satan reasoned. But Jesus did not prove Himself to satan. He simply quoted the scripture about not tempting the Lord.


My heart is his you have GOD-given emotions and feelings. To enjoy the embrace and a kiss of someone who cares for you and you care for is not necessarily sinful as long as you keep within the boundaries of what you know is right. My concern for you is that someone other than GOD has set boundaries that are unnecessarily restrictive.


Jesus came that you may have abundant life. satan will always steal your innocence, kill your joy, and destroy your hope. Jesus will always come to where you are no matter how bad you mess-up and lift you up when you are too weak to stand. satan will always look for ways to bring you down no matter how well you are doing.


My heart is his, look at your life right now. How do you see yourself? As a precious child of GOD or a miserable failure?


Now, how do you think GOD sees you?


How does satan see you?


Who are you listening to?


My heart is his, I know it is painful the things you are going thru right now. You are not alone. GOD has heard your prayers.


Job 6:10 (KJV) This then is my consolation (peace, comfort)--my joy in unrelenting pain--that I have not denied the words of the Most High.


Babies are very predictable. Take their bottle away and they cry. They are not even "housebroke" (potty-trained). And have you ever watched a baby try to learn how to walk. They fall and fall and fall. How can somthing so simple as walking be so hard to learn.


Christians are babies. Take what they are feeding on away and they start crying. They make messes. Ever watch a christian try to learn how to walk with GOD. They make mistakes, fall, stumble. Sometimes you wonder if they will ever get it right. How can something so simple as walking with GOD be so hard to learn.


Well, I have my little buddy, a four year old grandson who just woke up and is ready to play at my side.


My heart is his, just as I interrupt this to spend time with Lucas because he wants to be with me, how much more so will your heavenly Father put the universe and eternity on hold when his precious child whose heart is his tugs at His heart.


.....peace.....

 

[DoseOFReality]

i wouldnt say that youve sinned by kissing him. but know that whatever is not of faith is sin.

Listen, God made us into a sexual human being, and let me add to that very sexual. But you need to know that God ordains sex between married couple. What you are feeling, of wanting romance and love is GODLY. SEX AND SEXUALITY is a great gift from God. However, greater rewards have greater consequences when done it wrong. It is meant for married couple, and feeling the way you feel now is PERFECTLY OKAY. DONT FEEL BAD YOU HAVENT LET GOD DOWN. God loves you. Im not sure what kind of a relationship you have with your dad, but your image on ur dad is like image of God. Hes ur father and loves you. He wants to affirm you that you mean a lot to him. Gear those feelings towards your dad the father.

Also, dont buy yourself anymore temptations. 2 people who cant control themselves in same room... u do the math.

 

[madison1101]

I understand your confusion, and your concern about sexual sin. I think that the kiss is not the issue as much as the feelings it stirred up in you. You are at a vulnerable age in your sexual development, and your body is going to respond to the slightest thing, including and especially a kiss from someone you care about.

Those feelings, your body's response to a kiss, is of God's design. He designed us to get pleasure from that. However, we are to be obedient in taking every thought captive to Him, and we are to refrain from acting on those feelings till marriage.

Do not beat yourself up. You are not dirty or evil. You are pure in your heart, and that is what God sees.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

I understand your confusion, and your concern about sexual sin. I think that the kiss is not the issue as much as the feelings it stirred up in you. You are at a vulnerable age in your sexual development, and your body is going to respond to the slightest thing, including and especially a kiss from someone you care about.

Those feelings, your body's response to a kiss, is of God's design. He designed us to get pleasure from that. However, we are to be obedient in taking every thought captive to Him, and we are to refrain from acting on those feelings till marriage.

Do not beat yourself up. You are not dirty or evil. You are pure in your heart, and that is what God sees.

Amen to that. myheartishis ... please try not to hate yourself for doing what came natural.

It so happens that intimacy (kissing and whatever else comes after that) takes up the same area of the brain as does intelligence (reading, writing, logical thinking, etc.) so what you did, likely you did it without thinking.

I believe true sexual immorality involves a thought-out decision ... being a girl you probably know more than I do what virginity means to you. You would have to make a hard decision to submit your body to another person to have committed sexual immorality.

And you are NOT dirty!!!

-Adam

 

[ascribe2thelord]

I understand your confusion, and your concern about sexual sin. I think that the kiss is not the issue as much as the feelings it stirred up in you. You are at a vulnerable age in your sexual development, and your body is going to respond to the slightest thing, including and especially a kiss from someone you care about.

Those feelings, your body's response to a kiss, is of God's design. He designed us to get pleasure from that. However, we are to be obedient in taking every thought captive to Him, and we are to refrain from acting on those feelings till marriage.

Do not beat yourself up. You are not dirty or evil. You are pure in your heart, and that is what God sees.

Amen.

 

[Dexx]

First, the issue of "glorifying oneself" instead of God: It's easy to be caught in dogmatic, repetitive thought patterns like that. But God wants us to pray and not to be overcome by worries. "It's all about Him," is another thing I think needs to go, because the more we say it the less we mean it.

This is sooo important. If you dwell too much on how badly you've sinned or what a dispicable person you are, that very activity can become a bondage worse than lust. Psychologist office's across the country are frequented by people for whom guilt tripping has become an addiction and obsession in their lives.

You are young. Lust is to be expected. God knows this. He doesnt condone it and he wants you to learn how to develop self control. Just dont go on a guilt binge when you fall; get right back up, confess to God and move on with him.