I'm So Nervous and Confused..

[Bringmeback]

This is actually two things but I just don't know how to post it out on here. I'm 19 years old and I have never been in a relationship with a woman, let alone kissed one. I've always felt attracted to them but when I talk to one I like three or so times I feel like I toatlly lose interest. This then leads to this question: Am I straight? I admit my guilt in looking at porn, but when I look at it, it is not in the homosexual vein. I began at what I guess you could call "normal?" porn with a man and woman and then I found myself looking at different types where there two women and then it changed to just women in very revealing undergarments. I now see myself looking at transexual porn from time to time and it's finally beginning to scare me about my orientation and make me sit for hours on end, examine my past and ask if I'm turning gay or something. I will add that I don't get out very often to SEE many attractive woman off the computer and I basically have no friends. So I guess my question is do you think I'm just a porn addict because of my increaing levels of oddidity in the porn I view or am I really gay? Or am I just(hopefully) going through a phase??

 

[I'ddie4him2]

This is actually two things but I just don't know how to post it out on here. I'm 19 years old and I have never been in a relationship with a woman, let alone kissed one. I've always felt attracted to them but when I talk to one I like three or so times I feel like I totally lose interest.

By the time I had graduated from high school and gone into the service, I had only gone on maybe a handful of dates. It may be a few months, It may even be a year. Dating and relationships can start at anytime. I was always impatient for one and I decided that it was in God's time, Not mine.

I had several long term relationships before I got married. My 1st marriage ended in a divorce and I eventually got remarried to a wonderful woman who has stood by my side for 7 years now. God willing there will be many more to follow. It'll happen, We need to be patient for it to happen.

This then leads to this question: Am I straight? I admit my guilt in looking at porn, but when I look at it, it is not in the homosexual vein. I began at what I guess you could call "normal?" porn with a man and woman and then I found myself looking at different types where there two women and then it changed to just women in very revealing undergarments. I now see myself looking at transsexual porn from time to time and it's finally beginning to scare me about my orientation and make me sit for hours on end, examine my past and ask if I'm turning gay or something.

I'm not an expert nor should anyone take my posts as such. This is simply my opinion as a member. Please also ignore the staff tag by my name too.

I think that any healthy red blooded male will read anything they can thats classified as porn to satisfy urges and desires. I'm 45 now and went thru the very same thing in my teen years. It's perfectly normal to be interested in the female form and to want a relationship. We all desire to be loved and to love someone in return.

If viewing porn leads to an addiction, IMO, That is not really healthy and you may want to seek counseling for that if you feel you need help.

I will add that I don't get out very often to SEE many attractive woman off the computer and I basically have no friends. So I guess my question is do you think I'm just a porn addict because of my increasing levels of oddity in the porn I view or am I really gay? Or am I just(hopefully) going through a phase??

Again, This is only my opinion as a member.
If it takes up an abnormal time of the day viewing pornography, Then IMO this is verging on an unhealthy addiction.
Simply because one views pornography involving women partners, male partners, or transgendered partners, it does not mean one is homosexual. IMO, It would be acting on those impulses that may lead to that behaviour/lifestyle.


I do not advocate nor endorse viewing pornography myself. I went thru struggles with this myself and overcame it. You can overcome this too if this is truly your desire.
Stay strong and keep me posted how you are doing.

 

[Criada]

This is just my opinion.. and tbh, I am in no position to give anyone advice about sexuality!
However, I think that the fact that you 'go off' women after talking to them a few times is good... because relationships cannot be based on looks alone.. and you are obviously getting to know these people, and discovering that they are not right for you.
When you meet the one that is, you will know!
Our society is very relationship driven, and young people are expected to go out with others because it is the done thing... but you are taking the wiser course in waiting until you find someone with whom you feel that 'spark'
God has someone for you, and when you meet her, you will both be glad that you didn't pursue a string of empty relationships first.

As to the porn issue... if you are looking for help and support in recovery from that, PM me and I will give you a couple of links that may help. And - talk to someone you trust about it!

 

[Johnnz]

Your sexuality is probably very normal. Relationships are difficult for some. You may need to develop some better social skills - these can be learned, even if you are somewhat shy or a loner by nature.

Your viewing of images derives from your natural sexuality, but you need to be cautious. It can lead to some unhealthy habits and attitudes developing.

John
NZ

 

[Bringmeback]

Thank you VERY much for the input you all. It's slightly calmed my nerves about where my head is at. To Jonnz: I have developed some odd habits from it and I'm working on breaking them to this day. I'm also going to attempt to stop viewing porn for a month. The only thing is that I have tried to stop before for a month, but some reason I always fail at the goal within the day 20-30 period.

I think someone here mentioned something along the lines of how a simple feeling is controlling me and I agree, it is JUST a feeling and its one that I feel I can overcome if I think of these urges that way.

 

[xino]

This is actually two things but I just don't know how to post it out on here. I'm 19 years old and I have never been in a relationship with a woman, let alone kissed one. I've always felt attracted to them but when I talk to one I like three or so times I feel like I toatlly lose interest. This then leads to this question: Am I straight? I admit my guilt in looking at porn, but when I look at it, it is not in the homosexual vein. I began at what I guess you could call "normal?" porn with a man and woman and then I found myself looking at different types where there two women and then it changed to just women in very revealing undergarments. I now see myself looking at transexual porn from time to time and it's finally beginning to scare me about my orientation and make me sit for hours on end, examine my past and ask if I'm turning gay or something. I will add that I don't get out very often to SEE many attractive woman off the computer and I basically have no friends. So I guess my question is do you think I'm just a porn addict because of my increaing levels of oddidity in the porn I view or am I really gay? Or am I just(hopefully) going through a phase??

lol..the smily adds extra laughter

Anyway...don't be alone.
I don't have a girlfriend now or ever being kissed.

I went to a boy school, which was hard, I mean all the boys who act tough, fights all the time..yet I surivived

I mean back then, I was insterested in girls but never bothered to get one.


I live in an area where I seriously dislike girls charactism.
I mean, you see white girls who wear make up all the time. You see black girls who wants to go out clubbing or instered in boys who thinks they are "gangsta".

I just hope I head back to my previous area I was before (where I studied) because there are better girls there!

One will come in time.



And for your lust mind!
You need to reduce watching porn. Thats one of the reasons why you shouldn't mastrubate because it builds up your fantasies!

I know its hard to stop watching porn, but you critically need to reduce watching it, unless you will go down the path of a pedophile (I won't say you will molest kids, but your mind will start to switch to something els).

 

[Johnnz]

Your sexuality is far more than just a feeling. You should not underestimate just how powerful God made that part of us. It's not uncontrollable, but its must not be minimised either. Porn is a habit that feeds our sex drive in an unhealthy way, and that should be resisted.

John
NZ

 

[Bringmeback]

Um, I messed up and did the M word earlier in the day. I did that without the use of any pornography though and even though I don't feel like thats any better, does it account for anything?? Because even though that feeling to do the M gets really strong, my need for porn is very low.

 

[Saucy]

It sounds like you were bitten by the lust bug. Lust comes and goes and is very short-term. You may lust after someone, think they're good looking and once you talk to them, get to know their personality, you realize they are not the one for you. THAT IS A GOOD THING! Why? Because that means you are not just building your relationship upon lust. You are looking for the right girl to complement you mind, body and spirit. You are looking for more than the pretty face. So many marriages are failing today (more than half of all marriages fail) because people get married so young thinking it's "love" but really it's lust and the couple never took the time to get to know each other outside of sexual attraction.

Are you gay? I don't know. Are you sexually attracted to men? If not, then you're not gay. I'm 24 years old and have never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend. I just now found someone I think I'm meant to be with. I have a best friend who is thirty and is still single. Relationships take time and often times God wants to make sure you're ready before you jump into a relationship. There's a lot to learn about yourself as a man and potential husband and father before He's ready to give you one of his princesses. One of them might be to kick the porn habit. Do you think a potential girlfriend or wife would be okay with you watching porn?

 

[Bringmeback]

It sounds like you were bitten by the lust bug. Lust comes and goes and is very short-term. You may lust after someone, think they're good looking and once you talk to them, get to know their personality, you realize they are not the one for you. THAT IS A GOOD THING! Why? Because that means you are not just building your relationship upon lust. You are looking for the right girl to complement you mind, body and spirit. You are looking for more than the pretty face. So many marriages are failing today (more than half of all marriages fail) because people get married so young thinking it's "love" but really it's lust and the couple never took the time to get to know each other outside of sexual attraction.

Are you gay? I don't know. Are you sexually attracted to men? If not, then you're not gay. I'm 24 years old and have never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend. I just now found someone I think I'm meant to be with. I have a best friend who is thirty and is still single. Relationships take time and often times God wants to make sure you're ready before you jump into a relationship. There's a lot to learn about yourself as a man and potential husband and father before He's ready to give you one of his princesses. One of them might be to kick the porn habit. Do you think a potential girlfriend or wife would be okay with you watching porn?

I think....I might have been wrong to think I was gay. I've seen a few women lately that have made me stop in my footsteps and just constantly sleek around them sneaking looks until I remind myself I can't say anything. No male has ever cycled through my mind in that nature....

The thought of being a virgin until marriage has always been a relaxing thought, so absense of sex is no problem to me. What is scary is me, by chance, meeting one woman and feeling like she's the one for me and calling it that. I guess I'm saying the thought of only ONE relationship my whole life frightens me.

I just wish I knew why I can't EVER feel relaxed talking to someone attractive while, at the same time, I can talk to a person unattractive to me like its nothing.

 

[Arthurius]

This is actually two things but I just don't know how to post it out on here. I'm 19 years old and I have never been in a relationship with a woman, let alone kissed one. I've always felt attracted to them but when I talk to one I like three or so times I feel like I toatlly lose interest. This then leads to this question: Am I straight? I admit my guilt in looking at porn, but when I look at it, it is not in the homosexual vein. I began at what I guess you could call "normal?" porn with a man and woman and then I found myself looking at different types where there two women and then it changed to just women in very revealing undergarments. I now see myself looking at transexual porn from time to time and it's finally beginning to scare me about my orientation and make me sit for hours on end, examine my past and ask if I'm turning gay or something. I will add that I don't get out very often to SEE many attractive woman off the computer and I basically have no friends. So I guess my question is do you think I'm just a porn addict because of my increaing levels of oddidity in the porn I view or am I really gay? Or am I just(hopefully) going through a phase??

Don't worry brother. I'm 19 as well and am yet to date with a girl or to kiss her. However, I am absolutely sure that I'm straight. (Wow, I so want to meet Her finally ) Anyway, your problem si doubt. If you doubt, don't worry. You're not gay. God doesn't create gays. I think your problem is porn. You have to remember that porn destroys, confuse and kill. Run from it! Run for your life!

 

[plmarquette]

ok james 1.2 says "don't worry be happy-chill"....
don't be in a big hurry to plant your seed, sow your oats.....

when you have a job, a place to live, a car and some money in the bank....is the best time to start shopping for a lady...it is what the critters around you do ...male picks a location with food and water & builds a nest, then starts strutting his stuff...

everything these days is "couples" ...starting at 6 year old birth day parties....
heck I didn't get into girls until sophmore/ junior year of high school ...

your curious, things are changing within you ,,,, some stuff trips your trigger....
take a break on "pooter" go for a walk...join a club....get a part time job...
go out for a coke and conversation with couples , friends, some one who likes what y ou do ...sports, fishing, church....

ask for God's help along the way.... genesis 50.20 and romans 8.28 say it will all work out if we do not quit....amen?​

 

[Andreusz]

... I've always felt attracted to them but when I talk to one I like three or so times I feel like I toatlly lose interest. This then leads to this question: Am I straight? I admit my guilt in looking at porn, but when I look at it, it is not in the homosexual vein. I began at what I guess you could call "normal?" porn with a man and woman and then I found myself looking at different types where there two women and then it changed to just women in very revealing undergarments. I now see myself looking at transexual porn from time to time and it's finally beginning to scare me about my orientation and make me sit for hours on end, examine my past and ask if I'm turning gay or something. I will add that I don't get out very often to SEE many attractive woman off the computer and I basically have no friends. So I guess my question is do you think I'm just a porn addict because of my increaing levels of oddidity in the porn I view or am I really gay? Or am I just(hopefully) going through a phase??

Hi, Bringmeback. Well, I AM a gay guy, and I can tell you, I think it sounds as if you're NOT gay. The porn you look at is pictures of women (I assume the transexual porn is pictures of men who've become women?). And you say you find women attractive. Well, gay men like to look at pictures of men, and they find men attractive! It sounds to me as if you just need to meet more people. Take it slowly, go to places where you can meet people who share your interests (e.g. your church?), and I think you'll eventually find someone.
I hope this helps. Good luck!

 

[Bellicus]

This is actually two things but I just don't know how to post it out on here. I'm 19 years old and I have never been in a relationship with a woman, let alone kissed one. I've always felt attracted to them but when I talk to one I like three or so times I feel like I toatlly lose interest. This then leads to this question: Am I straight? I admit my guilt in looking at porn, but when I look at it, it is not in the homosexual vein. I began at what I guess you could call "normal?" porn with a man and woman and then I found myself looking at different types where there two women and then it changed to just women in very revealing undergarments. I now see myself looking at transexual porn from time to time and it's finally beginning to scare me about my orientation and make me sit for hours on end, examine my past and ask if I'm turning gay or something. I will add that I don't get out very often to SEE many attractive woman off the computer and I basically have no friends. So I guess my question is do you think I'm just a porn addict because of my increaing levels of oddidity in the porn I view or am I really gay? Or am I just(hopefully) going through a phase??

I think you have a bad pattern in this, and your problem is not you sexual orientation, but that you need a "kick" from something weird. I guess that's how people evolve into extreme weird stuff. A nerd friend of mine told me once that he had found a sex page where there were woman eating boogers and then having sex with men that liked this. The world is crazy!

What has helped myself a lot is to having a christian-themed wallpaper and having christian links in the bookmarks and always having a window open to for example this forum or the bible or something similar, so I will just feel bad about thinking about looking at porn. And by not looking at it, it gives a better self-esteem. If you can't stay away from it at all, then at least have some pages you know where there is only normal, straight porn or some dvd's with the same stuff. I got moments where I get too tempted myself, and then I just get done with it with some "normal" porn - blonds with silicone (you know) and at least I don't get that bad feeling and low self-esteem from surfing around on weird stuff that don't really attract me anyway.

But what helps the most is to live with the Spirit and having a close relationship with God. What I notice is that I have to deliberatly run away from him to be able to be a sinner, I have to put out the light of the spirit by ignoring it. There is always a alternative way if we just don't hide the light that is shining in us.

Good luck, and God bless!

 

[Bringmeback]

I know I've gone ghost for a lengthy time, but I haven't forgotten about this spot. I wanted to post here to say I've managed to stay away from porn/mb for a month and I feel like I'm changing for the best. And I do mean FINALLY changing for the best.

Around September and October of 08, I got back into porn HEAVILY, viewing it and mb sometimes 3 times a day and not doing anything outside of that. In November, I started to view transsexual porn even more than I did at first and I was still looking at this and mb 3 times a day. Come mid-November, I got myself a new therapist and began to talk out my many issues.

In December, I had enough of all the trash I was viewing and backed off the porn completely and I haven't gone back yet.

Now, slowly but surely, my mind is becoming unclouded as the days progress and I feel myself actually feeling "right" for once. I still have not embarked into my first relationship yet, but I'm confident this will be the year I finally start one.

I still get extremely heavy urges from time to time, but just trudge through them minute by minute.

My only problem that remains now is my weak relationship with Christ since I know its going to take more than my willpower to leave this addiction in my past.