Im so frustrated and stuck

[Angeleyes7715]

Late on our rent my fiance and I 1st time in a year and a half

Sick with my pregnancy

6 months until I'm supposed to graduate my certification program at this for profit college but I'm doing bad in my classes and I don't get along with the instructors and I owe money to the school and they could kick me out

School schedule interfere with almost every job. If I take a break I'll owe thousands before the a school will let me go back. They don't care either financial aid was talking to me as if they wanted me to leave. It's pretty cruel that they don't care as long as they get their money for profit a schools are disgusting. I didn't want to go but it's the only school that offers medical Technology without a 2 year waitlist.

My sister and finance don't get along I've tried to write a letter to apologize and I've spoken to mt sister today and she is absolutely angry at my fiance for his attitude and she refuses she ever did anything wrong when I disagree and think both of them are wrong because my fiance had an attitude but they made literal threats toward him and she maintains the thought that she doesn't have to apologize to people when she is offended. She was in an abusive marriage once and now she is way the opposite where she goes overboard on thinking she's in the right. I also told my fiance he was wrong for his attitude. They are both stubborn and now the baby won't get to see that side of the family because he doesn't want the baby to have anything to do with them.

I know I've mentioned this before but it's even more frustrating because I tried talking to my sister and reasoning with her. She's not reasonable she's just as hard headed as my fiance maybe worse because she denies that she and her husband made threats. She also refuses to acknowledge her husband said stuff to me too and I said awful things but i apologized for what I said and it was to defend my fiance.
It's rediculous that she is in clear denial and she says things in front of her 8 year old daughter about the fight like specifically what was said.

And about my pregnancy she said I'm not surprised if he (meaning my fiance) got you into that situation on purpose. He's against everyone even mom is what she says but that's not true. My fiance goes every weekend to visit my mom will me and he helps push her wheelchair and we play cards with her. He has also been respectful to my grandfather when he sees him. The only ones he doesn't like is my sister and her husband.

When they first met him my sister teased him and put him on the spot because she says that's just what families do and that's what you do to a guy to make sure he respects your sister and family. I disagree, she also thinks it's okay for a father to put a gun on the table if a boy is taking her daughter out. I disagree, maybe as a joke to say that, but I wouldn't do something like that. That's crazy.

I don't know I consider myself as pretty reasonable as long as I'm not made angry and it takes specific things to make me angry. I usually try to defuse arguments and talk things out.

This I just don't get and I feel like I may just have to cut them off which sucks because I have nieces and nephews but I'm sure they are poisoning them against me is what it seems like with her saying things in front of them.

All this stuff is stressing me out. Additionally I have a friend that I met through here that doesn't even come on anymore, but she literally got mad over something petty and just refuses to talk to me.

Idk, just uggggggh.

 

[Endeavourer]

1) What is the reason that you and your fiance are not married yet?

This question is not to scold, but because the advice I would give depends on your answer.

2) In your relationship, which of these words best describes you, and which best describe your boyfriend (often partners are in different stages than each other)?
--a) a freeloader: you're in the relationship almost solely for what it does for you; you don't invest in the other partner if there isn't a fairly immediate return to you.
--b) a renter: you're in the relationship as long as it goes OK for you. You'll do some things for your partner but if too many things are inconvenient or require work to fix, you're outta here. This is an attitude akin to what you would have toward a rental apartment. You'll stick there until it becomes too inconvenient or too expensive for what you are getting.
--c) a buyer: just as towards a house you have purchased, you really like your boyfriend and want to keep the relationship even if it needs repairs. When you repair things you want them done right with the best possible outcome so you can stay in love. You never want to leave the house (relationship) until the day you die.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Money every time my boyfriend saves money or gets a new mechanic job he gets laid off because there is no work. That's why I'm not married yet. I told him I don't care if I get a ring, but obviously he's not okay with that. I mentioned way bigger problems than this why are you many people obsessed with purity and marriage on this forum? Survival trumps any of that in my opinion.

 

[Endeavourer]

This question is not to scold, but because the advice I would give depends on your answer.

I mentioned way bigger problems than this why are you many people obsessed with purity and marriage on this forum? Survival trumps any of that in my opinion.

Angeleyes, I tried to head off that impression by saying my question wasn't to scold (moralize) but that any advice I would offer depends on the actual answer to the question. I'm sorry that I failed in that attempt and gave you the wrong impression.

Here is another question... also, very relevant to formatting advice for you.. as only you know the answer for yourself. I know what my answer would be, but then you are not me, so the only answer that matters is yours:

Dating is an interview for marriage. Has your boyfriend passed the interview? Why would you want to hire him?

Finally, can you answer the question about whether he is a buyer, renter or freeloader? Also which of those best describes you?

The advice for people who are not married yet is always different than the advice for married people because the relational dynamics are very different when people are living together vs when they are married. Some troubling and unsustainable habits usually creep into long term non-marital relationships due to the way they are structured which do not necessarily plague marital relationships.

I want to offer you advice, but not just off the cuff advice that assumes about things and is therefore bad advice.