I'm slowly giving up..

[katylees]

I don't know what i want any more. When i'm down people tell me to get back with God ..i can't, it's not that easy, it sometimes hurts to think about that because i know it's probably good for me. But right now it's the last thing i want to hear really. I know i shouldn't post here really if i don't wanna hear about God. But i just need a bit of support

I'm tired of being tired of everything, bored all the time, no energy, self harm / suicide thoughts, being guilty, getting angry / annoyed. I hate it all, i hate who i am at the moment, i wish i could just change my thought pattern.

Just ... *sigh* I don't even know what to do. I find myself blanking out for ages and not even realising .. 3 hours today .. i don't know where i was or what i was doing .. it;s scary. I went to my appointment with psych for first CBT session ..yet after 15 mins waiting i got sent away because there apparently was a problem there ..i;m guessing with one of the patients. That was a waste of an hour or so, i guess it was good to be out of the house, yet i still got bullied. 3 15ish year olds walked past me and then turned around and were laughing and said 'eurgh look at her, she's got AIDS, oh and look at her trousers, gross' I've been bullied enough in my childhood, i'm now 20, i thought it had stopped

Meh sorry for rambling.

 

[Servant4Yeshuah]

I don't know what i want any more. When i'm down people tell me to get back with God ..i can't, it's not that easy, it sometimes hurts to think about that because i know it's probably good for me. But right now it's the last thing i want to hear really. I know i shouldn't post here really if i don't wanna hear about God. But i just need a bit of support

I'm tired of being tired of everything, bored all the time, no energy, self harm / suicide thoughts, being guilty, getting angry / annoyed. I hate it all, i hate who i am at the moment, i wish i could just change my thought pattern.

Just ... *sigh* I don't even know what to do. I find myself blanking out for ages and not even realising .. 3 hours today .. i don't know where i was or what i was doing .. it;s scary. I went to my appointment with psych for first CBT session ..yet after 15 mins waiting i got sent away because there apparently was a problem there ..i;m guessing with one of the patients. That was a waste of an hour or so, i guess it was good to be out of the house, yet i still got bullied. 3 15ish year olds walked past me and then turned around and were laughing and said 'eurgh look at her, she's got AIDS, oh and look at her trousers, gross' I've been bullied enough in my childhood, i'm now 20, i thought it had stopped

Meh sorry for rambling.

My dear Katy
I send you a fond hug and kiss. You are the precious child of God, no matter what the circumstances look like now. You mention giving up. May I suggest giving over. That is giving everything over to Yeshuah Who alone can help you. Please do not despair that you cannot change yourself...it is because that is Yeshuah's job to work in you. Let Him and let those that love you into your heart.
Yeshuah's love to you

 

[thenewageriseth]

I feel your pain. Cool pic btw! I mean why can't other people stop poking fun at others. It hurts me that there are others who want to start stuff and start up beef, for no doggone reason! Like my cousin said: Won't start no stuff won't be no stuff. Hope ya feel better.

 

[kisstheson]

I don't know what i want any more. When i'm down people tell me to get back with God ..i can't, it's not that easy, it sometimes hurts to think about that because i know it's probably good for me. But right now it's the last thing i want to hear really. I know i shouldn't post here really if i don't wanna hear about God. But i just need a bit of support


My dear friend,

If you only knew how deeply, what great emotion, what profound love Jesus feels for you, you would open up to Him. Who understands you better than He? Who has been more rejected and abused than He? Think of Him struggling beneath the heavy cross, struggling to put one foot in front of the other ~ Just as you feel you can't go on. Yet when Jesus fell with His face in the dirt, bleeding into the street, He thought of you katylees! He could have willed Himself to die right there but He got up because He loved you and wanted to prove His love even further. How? By having railroad spikes driven in His hands and feet. Do you know where we get the word "excruciating" from? Cru-ci-fix-ion. Do I share this with you to make you feel guilty? Oh no! I know Jesus would only want you to look at His sufferings so that you would have an image in times of doubt that He really does care! And yes...His kindness does lead us to repentence.

I fractured my shoulder in two places back in December of last year. When I go to the physical therapist and I have to lift my arm over my head it is sooo painful to hold my arm that high for even five seconds. I'll tell you Katylees if I didn't have to I would in no way go through that pain. I often think of Jesus when I'm doing this excercise. He CHOSE to endure pain much worse than what I was going through. He could have escaped but He endured for our sake. What kind of love would keep Him on that cross for six hours when I could hardly take five seconds worth of pain? He MUST have incredible LOVE for you and me. Absolutely!!!

My prayer for you is that you begin to see His immense love for you. Here in lies your healing and is the secret cure to every problem, struggle, hurt, self abuse...It may take some time. Please won't you at least pray a simple prayer. "Dear Jesus. Please show me Your love."

Gently I carried My cross so close to My Heart.
You must know beloved, of that wood YOU were a part.
Every shame, every sin,
every hardship was etched within.
Every tear that stained your face,
stained the cross upon My shoulders placed.
~ Jesus

 

[UnitynLove]

We have all fallen down at one time or another...not just physically but also emotionally. And picking yourself back up again is, unfortunately, easier said than done.
It doesn't take any special talent to give up, to lie down on the roadside of life and say, "I quit!" In fact, the road to chronic discouragement, hopelessness, and despair, often begins with an ordinary day that ends up piled high with simple disappointments.
According to Webster, to disappoint is "to fail to satisfy the hope, desire, or expectation of." In other words, when we set ourselves up to hope for something and that hope is not met, then we become disappointed. We feel let down and betrayed.
Let's face it—none of us is ever going to get to the place in life where we have no more disappointments. We can't expect to be sheltered from every little thing. Disappointment is a fact of life...one that must be dealt with. If not, discouragement and devastation are never far away.
Too often people end up devastated and don't understand why. They seemed to be going along just fine, and now they've fallen by the roadside without knowing how or why. Many people don't realize that the problem could have started a long time ago with simple disappointment that they failed to work through.
Deep hurt doesn't just come from huge disappointments, like when we fail to get the job or promotion we really wanted. Deep emotional hurt can even come from a series of minor annoyances and frustrations.
That's why we must know how to handle the small disappointments we encounter daily and keep them in perspective. Otherwise, they can get out of hand and be blown up out of proportion.
For example, imagine that you start out your day behind schedule, so you are already frustrated. On the way to the office, unexpected traffic delays cause you to be even later. Then when you finally get to work, you find out that someone on the job has been gossiping about you behind your back. You get some coffee to help you calm down, but you spill it all over yourself—only making matters worse since you have an important meeting with the boss and no time to change clothes!
Facing each of those little things separately is just annoying, but when they pile up together, it becomes almost more than you can bear. Then just about that time you get a report from the doctor that's not what you were hoping and praying for. And to top it all off, your fiancé calls and threatens to break off your engagement even though the wedding invitations have already been mailed!
How will you respond? Will you be full of faith? Or will you find yourself full of fear, and on that road to disappointment and discouragement? All of those minor frustrations and disappointments with the traffic, the office gossip, and the spilled coffee have set you up for a major calamity. And when you have to face some really serious problems like sickness or a failed relationship, you find that you don't have the means to deal with it—so you fall, plunging headlong into hopelessness and despair.
What are you to do when disappointment comes? When it weighs upon you like a rock, you can either let it press you down until you become discouraged and even devastated, or you can use it as a steppingstone to better things.
Learn to adapt and adjust. You can do it! Face the disappointment at its onset and be quick to make any adjustments required to remedy the situation. God has better things for you, and He will help you. He says in Hebrews 13:5, "...I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support...[I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down.... Instead of concentrating on your problems and getting discouraged, focus on God and meditate on His promises for you. Yes, you may have fallen down but you don't have to stay down. God is ready, willing and able to pick you up.

 

[Achichem]

I'm tired of being tired of everything

the starting ponit to contributing more

bored all the time

Well we'll have to brain storm some cool idea then eh?

no energy

danceing and laughing might be a start to get back full steam, back to being you

self harm / suicide thoughts

yes but also thoughts on good things, you know it Just align yoruself with those good thoughts

being guilty

talking about that with someone positive you trust can help, guilt is a process after all

getting angry / annoyed

Frustration is a sign that your trying, that's awesome

I hate it all

keep choosing love, cutie pie

i hate who i am at the moment

well I don't see why, you may be a bit down, but you still come off really strong and good hearted.

i wish i could just change my thought pattern.

There are ways, so be not afraid one step at a time though girl

Just ... *sigh* I don't even know what to do. I find myself blanking out for ages and not even realising .. 3 hours today .. i don't know where i was or what i was doing .. it;s scary.

Be not afriad, your body is just under much strain but you'll be able to rest it off soon.

I went to my appointment with psych for first CBT session ..yet after 15 mins waiting i got sent away because there apparently was a problem there ..i;m guessing with one of the patients. That was a waste of an hour
or so, i guess it was good to be out of the house,

see there's that positiveity I so love to see

yet i still got bullied. 3 15ish year olds walked past me and then turned around and were laughing and said 'eurgh look at her, she's got AIDS, oh and look at her trousers

perfect opportunity to keep up your training in forgiveness eh, you know its their insecurities, you don't need them, know you just being challenged to take the next step. You'll make it!

Meh sorry for rambling.

Oh just keep talking, you know you want to

 

[katylees]

Thank you for that heh it made me laugh a bit heee ok i need to do work today, i've not got time for depression/self harm today ..i need to put it at back of my mind and just get on with stuff (huh thats so muh easier said than done)

 

[PastorMikeJ]

don't give up! it gets better really it does...I have been battling Post Tramatic Stress Disorder or PTSD for short for over 40 yrs now and I know that it has gotten better for me...I now look forward for the next day...I can now handle my depression....and recogize when it is coming on...

Just hold on and hang on...

You don't have to pray if you can't...we will pray for you...I have placed you on my daily prayer list...

 

[tom]

I don't know what i want any more. When i'm down people tell me to get back with God ..i can't, it's not that easy, it sometimes hurts to think about that because i know it's probably good for me. But right now it's the last thing i want to hear really. I know i shouldn't post here really if i don't wanna hear about God. But i just need a bit of support

I'm tired of being tired of everything, bored all the time, no energy, self harm / suicide thoughts, being guilty, getting angry / annoyed. I hate it all, i hate who i am at the moment, i wish i could just change my thought pattern.

Just ... *sigh* I don't even know what to do. I find myself blanking out for ages and not even realising .. 3 hours today .. i don't know where i was or what i was doing .. it;s scary. I went to my appointment with psych for first CBT session ..yet after 15 mins waiting i got sent away because there apparently was a problem there ..i;m guessing with one of the patients. That was a waste of an hour or so, i guess it was good to be out of the house, yet i still got bullied. 3 15ish year olds walked past me and then turned around and were laughing and said 'eurgh look at her, she's got AIDS, oh and look at her trousers, gross' I've been bullied enough in my childhood, i'm now 20, i thought it had stopped

Meh sorry for rambling.

i know fro my self ifeltlike that to but i know there is hope in th elord jesus christ because he loves us.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I don't know what i want any more. When i'm down people tell me to get back with God ..i can't, it's not that easy, it sometimes hurts to think about that because i know it's probably good for me. But right now it's the last thing i want to hear really. I know i shouldn't post here really if i don't wanna hear about God. But i just need a bit of support

I'm tired of being tired of everything, bored all the time, no energy, self harm / suicide thoughts, being guilty, getting angry / annoyed. I hate it all, i hate who i am at the moment, i wish i could just change my thought pattern.

Just ... *sigh* I don't even know what to do. I find myself blanking out for ages and not even realising .. 3 hours today .. i don't know where i was or what i was doing .. it;s scary. I went to my appointment with psych for first CBT session ..yet after 15 mins waiting i got sent away because there apparently was a problem there ..i;m guessing with one of the patients. That was a waste of an hour or so, i guess it was good to be out of the house, yet i still got bullied. 3 15ish year olds walked past me and then turned around and were laughing and said 'eurgh look at her, she's got AIDS, oh and look at her trousers, gross' I've been bullied enough in my childhood, i'm now 20, i thought it had stopped

Meh sorry for rambling.

I wouldn't take the teenagers very seriously; their prefrontal cortexes aren't fully developed yet. When you're that age you think you know everything and you have something to say about it all, too. When I was a teenager I basically thought everything and everyone was stupid.. my mom was dumb, my dad was dumb, my brother was dumb, my boss was dumb, my teachers were dumb.. I knew everything! Now I realize all of those people are awesome. But back then I was critical of how they dressed, etc. My little brother is entering his teenage years and he's starting that stage, too.. he finds us all embarassing, etc. Just... please don't take teenagers seriously...

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I mean why can't other people stop poking fun at others. It hurts me that there are others who want to start stuff and start up beef, for no doggone reason!

There is always a psychological reason for why people feel the need to mistreat others. A lot of the time, there are some pretty serious issues involved.

 

[katylees]

don't give up! it gets better really it does...I have been battling Post Tramatic Stress Disorder or PTSD for short for over 40 yrs now and I know that it has gotten better for me...I now look forward for the next day...I can now handle my depression....and recogize when it is coming on...

Just hold on and hang on...

You don't have to pray if you can't...we will pray for you...I have placed you on my daily prayer list...

Thank you so much.

Thank you everyone else too


​

 

[kisstheson]

Thank you so much.

Thank you everyone else too



​

Good to see you katylees! I am glad to find you posting. You're in my thoughts and prayers!

 

[Mrs05]

The psych clinic should have given you your appointment. CBT is often very sucessful so PLEASE make sure you go back and continue. It is very important. The fact that you went there in the first place was very brave, I know how hard it must have been. You are turning your life around! Congratulations and good luck.

 

[mmreed]

katylees,

I find posting here and chatting with others is one of the best sources for support and help. Build a network of online friends - people that you can talk to any time of the day via instant messenger and email... and use that network... when you feel bad or down, immediately talk to someone or post... I find that helps me greatly.

They say misery loves company...and it's true...when misery is among others, it often dilutes itself too and becomes less focused on just one person. It is easier to deal with things when you are among others in similar fashion.

Feel free to email, IM, or PM me!

 

[katylees]

MMreed i;ve added you to msn if thatsok. Anyone else here feel free to add me to msn.

Thank you for all the support here x

 

[Mrs05]

This is a really good website that will be a lot of help:
http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/

Please, please, please try it!

 

[mmreed]

MMreed i;ve added you to msn if thatsok. Anyone else here feel free to add me to msn.

Thank you for all the support here x

Great! I look forward to chatting with you!