I'm sad today...

[hisbloodformysins]

I've come to realize that a big void I feel is really sadness.... it's nice to have a name to it.

Ok... you win, you hurt me, congratulations..

Ok.. this makes no sense to anybody but I just want to destress about it and i'm thinking of a couple of people...

People say things passive aggressively to hurt others... and I have always hardened my heart and pretended that it doesn't hurt, but it does.

I'm hurt, you win. You succeeded in your quest.

My husband called me a heffer today and i'm just hurt about it... and when I admitted that to him he tried to explain that it means that i'm a young female and so forth...

No honey, you called me a cow. And when you said it, you meant for me to feel insulted... because of your own unmet needs..

and you win, I'm insulted.. congratulations.

That goes for someone else as well... you win.. I get it... i have issues I need to deal with.

HB

 

[ahuva]

I just saw this and I wanted to tell you, you're in my prayers. I'm sorry you're hurt. May you feel Jesus putting His arms around you and you feel His love extra strong now.

 

[keryakos]

I've come to realize that a big void I feel is really sadness.... it's nice to have a name to it.

Ok... you win, you hurt me, congratulations..

Ok.. this makes no sense to anybody but I just want to destress about it and i'm thinking of a couple of people...

People say things passive aggressively to hurt others... and I have always hardened my heart and pretended that it doesn't hurt, but it does.

I'm hurt, you win. You succeeded in your quest.

My husband called me a heffer today and i'm just hurt about it... and when I admitted that to him he tried to explain that it means that i'm a young female and so forth...

No honey, you called me a cow. And when you said it, you meant for me to feel insulted... because of your own unmet needs..

and you win, I'm insulted.. congratulations.

That goes for someone else as well... you win.. I get it... i have issues I need to deal with.

HB

Well if im the other person i am sorry because nothing i said tonight was meant to hurt you .....

But a heifer that was just soooo wrong ...i would have said well ill keep that in mind the next time you want to have a roll in the hay this heifer will just sit still and MOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[hisbloodformysins]

LOL...

Thanks

 

[annrobert]

HB,
that would hurt very much,I think it is a very cruel thing to say.And instead of apologize he is making excuses.This would hurt me very much.Maybe he is feeling inadequate or something.All we can do is take it to Jesus and tell Jesus how it feels when something hurts us and ask Him to heal us.I know that is tough sometimes.I know how something like that would hurt me.I am sorry that he hurt you like that .

takecare
annrobert

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Thank you annrobert,

And he's in the room alone right now and I haven't said much to him since then. I have to check my feelings and motives. I'm not trying to make him feel guilty, but I hope he does. My husband is a very stubborn man. Sigh.. this isn't the marriage forum I know, i hope you all don't mind.

I pray often for him to have a heart change or atleast to become repentive of his ways. He usually doesn't say such mean things.... and not only did he say it but he yelled it... I was in the bathroom and he was getting in the van because we were getting ready to leave... and he said it so loudly I immediately felt hurt and just shocked that he said it.. he yelled "cumon heifer"... i'm sure the neighbors heard it too... and I thought surely he didn't just call me a heifer. It wasn't just the name but the meanness behind it, I just felt so unloved.

I used to just feel numb rather then hurt so learning to identify hurt is new to me.... hurt I cannot control. My husband is such a trigger for me because his ways reminds me of my mom and I felt so hurt and depressed growing up that I thought about suicide.... and being with my husband makes me feel that way all over again.

Not that he's horrible or abusive or anything, he's a pretty good guy, just some of his ways makes me feel that way.

Now it's about how to deal with those emotions without sinking into despair. Because he doesn't care.. he doesn't apologize... well, the lord knows he cares, but he doesn't show it.

You're right, I have to give it to Jesus.

HB

 

[annrobert]

HB,
that would make it hurt even worse to yell it out where the neighbours could hear it.I can understand how the meaness behind it would make you feel unloved.I am happy to hear he is a pretty good guy and not abusive or anything.It is normal to feel hurt when your husband says mean things or is unloving and it would be even more painful if a person grew up such as you did.No we cannot help hurting when these things happen, so we can give ourselves permission to hurt for awhile, its okay.It is good he does not usually say such things.I think it is normal to want him to feel bad about it as it would show you he is sorry and cares.Yet sometimes men are not so good at showing it even if they do feel bad later.Telling Jesus about it helps .I am so sorry to hear about you having such a painful childhood.Jesus Bless You
annrobert

 

[seajoy]

Thank you annrobert,

And he's in the room alone right now and I haven't said much to him since then. I have to check my feelings and motives. I'm not trying to make him feel guilty, but I hope he does. My husband is a very stubborn man. Sigh.. this isn't the marriage forum I know, i hope you all don't mind.

I pray often for him to have a heart change or atleast to become repentive of his ways. He usually doesn't say such mean things.... and not only did he say it but he yelled it... I was in the bathroom and he was getting in the van because we were getting ready to leave... and he said it so loudly I immediately felt hurt and just shocked that he said it.. he yelled "cumon heifer"... i'm sure the neighbors heard it too... and I thought surely he didn't just call me a heifer. It wasn't just the name but the meanness behind it, I just felt so unloved.

I used to just feel numb rather then hurt so learning to identify hurt is new to me.... hurt I cannot control. My husband is such a trigger for me because his ways reminds me of my mom and I felt so hurt and depressed growing up that I thought about suicide.... and being with my husband makes me feel that way all over again.

Not that he's horrible or abusive or anything, he's a pretty good guy, just some of his ways makes me feel that way.

Now it's about how to deal with those emotions without sinking into despair. Because he doesn't care.. he doesn't apologize... well, the lord knows he cares, but he doesn't show it.

You're right, I have to give it to Jesus.

HB

Just remember that you are an important child of God. What others say to you does not matter (though it hurts at first).

God is love. Your Savior, Jesus, would have died for you even if you were the only person who ever lived.

 

[enelra]

Every time I feel sad and depressed I always pray and write on my journal how I feel.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Praying is my most effective tool of coping.. because it's easy to get hopeless if I depend on my husband to make me happy... but with God nothing is hopeles.. he knows my needs and he is the only one that can make a difference.

Thanks for sharing.

HB

 

[RachelZ]

Oh HB I am so sorry you are going through this...I would be hurt too. Maybe it was just an off the cuff, silly remark but if you are hurt you want to feel that whatever the reason behind it there is sorrow over hurting you. Perhaps he does feel that but doesn't know how to say it..or perhaps he needs God's prompting. God I just pray that HB's hubby would feel sorry for hurting her and that this would maybe be the start of them creating and allowing you to nuture their relationship so it leads to life and joy not feelings of despair or memories of feeling suicidal...please hug HB now...in Jesus name Amen. Seding you a hug...take care, Rachel

 

[RachelZ]

I'd also like to thank you for being so kind as to post in my thread when you are hurting yourself...far from being a heffer you seem a very kind person! Take care, Rachel

PS Sometimes people do say very hurtful things and don't at all mean it how it sounds...I have not idea if your hubby was being unkind or thinking he was being jokey and funny...I pray it was the latter and that he can communicate that to you!

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Ah, thanks Rachel...

I find that is the best thing to do when you're hurting... to reach out to others who are hurting, it's a healthy thing to do. Being very self focused doesn't change anything, it just makes us more miserable, as a matter of fact getting our eyes off our own woas can help us have a different perspective. The lord has been leading me that way lately because I spend so much time praying for myself, I believe the Lord has spoke to me and said "if you start praying for other people, i will heal them, you need to spend more time praying for others"... sometimes we don't realize how full of God we are and we forget how good he is/has been to us when we are focused on an area that we haven't received deliverance in yet.

My husband does insist that it was just a joke.... he is unwilling to admit that he did anything wrong... I think that is why I have a hard time letting it go, because of his pride.... I've been reminding him of it time and time again.. like yesterday he felt affectionate i guess and said "oh honey, give me a kiss" and as he went to kiss me I turned my head and said "mooooo" LOL... he laughs about it, but still refuses to admit he did anything wrong.. and I can't pretend like it wasn't offensive and no matter his excuses I just don't believe it was an innocent remark. He still gives the rationalization that a heifer is a young skinny cow that hasn't had a baby yet but I say "you called me a cow.. no matter how you try to make it ok, it's not ok..." and I explained that oh well, I shouldn't even have the silly conversation with him.. he knows what he did is wrong... he just won't admit it. Oh well, life goes on.

Maybe I can learn to think about things differently, but the lord is going to have to help me do that because I am who I am. I get so tired of how stubborn my husband is.. sigh.

Anyways, thanks for your kind words and prayers.

God Bless you,

HB

 

[Jayangel81]

I shouldn't even have the silly conversation with him.. he knows what he did is wrong... he just won't admit it. Oh well, life goes on.

Sometimes people do not realise hw hurtful little things can be to a person. In which is probably the case with your husband unfortunatly.

I think as long as you make it crystal clear how he made you feel, than you are going in the right direction. Just be careful on bottling up feelings, they have a tendancy of exploding at the wrong times and oftentimes the wrong person

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Very true Jayangel.... I did tell him how it made me feel.. each time we talk about it and he says he was just playing I say "it hurt my feelings.. I felt unloved" You hit on something because I think the lord has been showing me that I need to not give up on talking to him about my feelings... even though it can be very frustrating.

Thanks.

HB

 

[Jayangel81]

I think the lord has been showing me that I need to not give up on talking to him about my feelings... even though it can be very frustrating.

absolutely. It is vital within a marriage that the two of you, know exactly how each other feel. It isnt always the easiest though of coarse

 

[hisbloodformysins]

What is frustrating about it is that I end up more upset after doing so... I "learned" a long time ago to not bother because it got me no where... now I feel the lord nudging me all the time I pray about my feelings to talk to my husband about it... and I say "why, what's the point? He's not going to care or be receptive" but I know the lord tells us to do something for a reason.. so i've been trying to talk to him about my feelings again.... and sure enough, it continues to be frustrating... but like I said, the lord leads me to do it for a reason.

I can't wait to receive my break through in this area.

Thanks for your post jayangel.

HB

 

[Jayangel81]

What is frustrating about it is that I end up more upset after doing so... I "learned" a long time ago to not bother because it got me no where... now I feel the lord nudging me all the time I pray about my feelings to talk to my husband about it... and I say "why, what's the point? He's not going to care or be receptive" but I know the lord tells us to do something for a reason.. so i've been trying to talk to him about my feelings again.... and sure enough, it continues to be frustrating... but like I said, the lord leads me to do it for a reason.

I can't wait to receive my break through in this area.

Thanks for your post jayangel.

HB

I hope I do not step out of bounds here, but is your husband a Christian, do the both of you share together in the relationship with Christ?

I saw this really good movie last night with my girlfriend. It was fireproof with Kirk Cameron and some other "side actors" It really puts into the percpective on how much our relationship with our husbands and wives can be effective based on our (married couple) relationship with God.

I would check it out, I am not too keen on some of the movies based on God because they are unbiblical, but I personally think they really did a great job. They were applying some scriptures to our marriage relationship a bit.

Anyway, I will be praying for you and your husband. If anyone knows how to wake someone up it is the Lord

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Thanks Jayangel.. yes he is a christian... but we do not connect spiritually often... with him it's more of a private thing.

We've seen the movie.. I think he made some extra efforts after watching it. I do agree that just one person can make a difference... the bible tells wives to be an example to their husbands... and that is what I try to do, what i've been lead to do.

Thank you for your prayers.

Have you seen "facing the giants" ? It's much better then fireproof in my opinion, it's a real good movie.

HB

 

[Jayangel81]

Thanks Jayangel.. yes he is a christian... but we do not connect spiritually often... with him it's more of a private thing.

We've seen the movie.. I think he made some extra efforts after watching it. I do agree that just one person can make a difference... the bible tells wives to be an example to their husbands... and that is what I try to do, what i've been lead to do.

Thank you for your prayers.

Have you seen "facing the giants" ? It's much better then fireproof in my opinion, it's a real good movie.

HB

Facing the Giants, no I havent. But now I am going to google it though

I can understand the whole private thing, I am pretty private when it concerns praying and stuff, I am not much of a group prayer person.

Which is something I would like to change, but yea.