I'm Really Sorry

[amysays]

I just need to vent about a date I had last night. I feel so down and defeated today.

I haven't had a date in over a year. I've been trying to wait for the right guy. But, a guy at the gym who is about 10 years younger than me, and definitely not a Christian, has been asking me out over and over.

In a moment of weakness yesterday afternoon, I said "yes". I ended up doing alot of things I really regret today. I feel so defeated and ashamed.

It's hard to know what to do now. How could this happen??

Amy

 

[CounselorRich]

I just need to vent about a date I had last night. I feel so down and defeated today.

I haven't had a date in over a year. I've been trying to wait for the right guy. But, a guy at the gym who is about 10 years younger than me, and definitely not a Christian, has been asking me out over and over.

In a moment of weakness yesterday afternoon, I said "yes". I ended up doing alot of things I really regret today. I feel so defeated and ashamed.

It's hard to know what to do now. How could this happen??

Amy

I'm so sorry for what happened yesterday. I can imagine you are pretty low right now. My thoughts & prayers are with you as you struggle to put the pieces of your heart back together again. Remember--Jesus is the "Master Surgeon" who can do that for you--if you turn to him. He welcomes you with open arms to absorb your hurt & to comfort you.
He says: "Come to me all you who are heavy burdened- & I will give you rest."
God bless you amysays & be comforted by God's loving & healing presence.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Even though I've heard a few pastors say that it's ok to date non-Christians as long as you stay honorable and don't marry them; I would never do that because I would run the risk of breaking my heart, marrying a non-Christian, or being led astray in a time of weakness. I am aware of some of my weaknesses, so dating a non-Christian is not an option I will even consider anymore.

I'm not proud of everything I've done in my post-divorce dating, but I'm doing a heck of a lot better than before. I've learned some, and was even succesful in re-establishing boundaries that had been crossed, instead of just continuing on down a dangerous path.

Perhaps you can establish some accountability with another mature Christian that you will have to report in with after dates?

 

[yourinnervoice]

AMYSAYS - Sorry for what you're experiencing and feeling.

Guilt can be a very large obstacle in a persons daily walk. It all depends on how big YOU make that obstacle.
Please don't "beat yourself up" with guilt. I do it all the time! While I am still guilty of beating myself up, I now do it less and move on.

Hold your head up!!!!

 

[KarrieTex]

Have a good cry and then breath.

We all fall down. Sometimes we fall a little bit and catch ourselves and sometimes we fall completely down and we need Christ to lift us back up.

Don't think this is the end because it's not. God is a forgving Lord and He knows that sometimes we just stumble and crash.

You are still a beautiful sister in Christ.

 

[jcj3803]

Let's be blunt. You're human with human emotional and physical needs. We do the best we can, but once the hormones get going, especially if you haven't even dated in a year, well... *I* sure haven't stayed celibate since my divorce ten years ago.

But the past is done. Over. Finito. We have today and the future and that's the only place we can try to be "better".

 

[covenantwmn]

Let's be blunt. You're human with human emotional and physical needs. We do the best we can, but once the hormones get going, especially if you haven't even dated in a year, well... *I* sure haven't stayed celibate since my divorce ten years ago.

But the past is done. Over. Finito. We have today and the future and that's the only place we can try to be "better".

Ditto. Once repentent we are forgiven and welcomed with arms open wide. It's a mystery to me that the desire is soooo strong, when as singles we're not supposed to do anything about it. In any case, you are forgiven, forgive yourself and go on.

 

[porterross]

Ditto. Once repentent we are forgiven and welcomed with arms open wide. It's a mystery to me that the desire is soooo strong, when as singles we're not supposed to do anything about it. In any case, you are forgiven, forgive yourself and go on.

We are as human beings, doomed by our very nature. St. Paul addresses this for our sake. Take comfort in his words:

Romans 7:14-27


For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Let's be blunt. You're human with human emotional and physical needs. We do the best we can, but once the hormones get going, especially if you haven't even dated in a year, well... *I* sure haven't stayed celibate since my divorce ten years ago.

But the past is done. Over. Finito. We have today and the future and that's the only place we can try to be "better".

That reminds me; it's probably a good idea to have a plan in place before a date. Decide before hand what your boundaries will be. The first real kiss I received post divorce just about made me lose my mind. I had no plan and just thank God we were in a public place. Why did he have to be such a good kisser, but a jerk in so many ways?

 

[jcj3803]

Why did he have to be such a good kisser, but a jerk in so many ways?

Murphy's Law, Chiquilla!

 

[dayhiker]

I'd not be so hard on yourself Amy. Jesus loves you.
You might give the guy a little guilt trip if all was was interested in you for was to get you to do what you'd regret later.

dayhiker

 

[hypnotism]

I read through the thread and there is not a clue as to the problem. So what went wrong? Did you not have a good time? Did you have peas stuck to your teeth? Did you spill hot coffee or cold beer on his lap. Or did you go to sleep during the "here's my bio, what is yours" yadayada.
Or ... I have had women on a first date ask me if I would marry them! I thappened more than once. I say, " We should finish dinner before we consider it, dontchathink?" It seems to me that dating was easy and fun when we were young and willing to just be in the moment and have fun.
First dates are often too much like job interviews instead of fun times.

The question is do you think he was enough fun that you would want to go on another date with him, or add him to your bullpen?

 

[amysays]

I read through the thread and there is not a clue as to the problem. So what went wrong? Did you not have a good time? Did you have peas stuck to your teeth? Did you spill hot coffee or cold beer on his lap. Or did you go to sleep during the "here's my bio, what is yours" yadayada.
Or ... I have had women on a first date ask me if I would marry them! I thappened more than once. I say, " We should finish dinner before we consider it, dontchathink?" It seems to me that dating was easy and fun when we were young and willing to just be in the moment and have fun.
First dates are often too much like job interviews instead of fun times.

The question is do you think he was enough fun that you would want to go on another date with him, or add him to your bullpen?

I'm sorry if this doesn't come out right .... but I think you're being very insensitive about something that hurt me. I really don't think you need the details to know that it went very bad for me.

Amy

 

[hypnotism]

I've been on quite a few first dates. I guess things went best when we both knew I was an insensitive man seeking an uncaring woman for a meaningless relationship. Course things are a bit different now.

 

[NicelyAged]

"I'm Really Sorry


I just need to vent about a date I had last night. I feel so down and defeated today.

I haven't had a date in over a year. I've been trying to wait for the right guy. But, a guy at the gym who is about 10 years younger than me, and definitely not a Christian, has been asking me out over and over.

In a moment of weakness yesterday afternoon, I said "yes". I ended up doing alot of things I really regret today. I feel so defeated and ashamed.

It's hard to know what to do now. How could this happen??

Amy"

** Ok, so you went a little farther than planned. That happens when a guy and girl hit if off. Stop beating yourself up for being normal.

I'm a Christian guy and I've been on a date or two with Christian women where we had a blast and things ended up....well, you know. It happens. We may be Christian, but we're still human.

That must have been a great date.

 

[KarrieTex]

"I'm Really Sorry


I just need to vent about a date I had last night. I feel so down and defeated today.

I haven't had a date in over a year. I've been trying to wait for the right guy. But, a guy at the gym who is about 10 years younger than me, and definitely not a Christian, has been asking me out over and over.

In a moment of weakness yesterday afternoon, I said "yes". I ended up doing alot of things I really regret today. I feel so defeated and ashamed.

It's hard to know what to do now. How could this happen??

Amy"

** Ok, so you went a little farther than planned. That happens when a guy and girl hit if off. Stop beating yourself up for being normal.

I'm a Christian guy and I've been on a date or two with Christian women where we had a blast and things ended up....well, you know. It happens. We may be Christian, but we're still human.

That must have been a great date.

Ok and I may be a woman reacting different but you don't tell another woman who is really upset about her actions...hey that is a great date.

I swear men just don't get it.

 

[ido]

I've been on quite a few first dates. I guess things went best when we both knew I was an insensitive man seeking an uncaring woman for a meaningless relationship. Course things are a bit different now.

Congratulations on the numerous first dates. I think the prize-winning question here is whether or not you got any SECOND dates.

 

[Jenster]

Hi all I haven't been around Mature Singles for awhile, but I thought this was worth responding to.

I ended up doing alot of things I really regret today. I feel so defeated and ashamed.

Amy, I see you posted this on the 26th. I hope you're feeling better now.

I know what you mean about doing things you regret. Sometimes we do things against our better judgment -- not only outside our comfort zone but not for the right reasons too. That leads to disappointment in ourselves and feelings of guilt. Actually, I compliment you on your commitment to your moral values. Without knowing the specifics (I am interpreting here) let me just say that God cultivates a sense of right and wrong in us for a variety of reasons, all of which are for our benefit and for that of others. So at least you can take comfort that your sensitivity to right/wrong is intact.


Personally, I struggled with a former bf who always wanted to go too far physically. He made insincere pledges to not pressure me (insincere in hindsight) and there were numerous times I felt bad about myself after having given in.

It's hard to know what to do now. How could this happen??

Because we are needy, and perhaps also because we lack a support system that can help us avoid temptation. I agree with others who've suggested getting an accountability partner. It's one of the best ways to guard your behavior, if you're serious about not crossing over any lines.

 

[soccerdad66]

I'm sorry if this doesn't come out right .... but I think you're being very insensitive about something that hurt me. I really don't think you need the details to know that it went very bad for me.

Amy

I hope we're not making things worse for you. You came here for comfort and support.

I understand how you feel. I've made a few mistakes too. But you can't beat yourself up over though. God's Grace is sufficient, even when we don't feel like it is.

You probably know this, but we're here for you.

 

[hypnotism]

Congratulations on the numerous first dates. I think the prize-winning question here is whether or not you got any SECOND dates.

As many as I wished to have. It is all very easy to do if one is relaxed and just behaving as if one was with a friend. After all one hopes to be making a new friend. So getting together and acting like normal people is nice. But then Again, I am not inclined to regret adult sexuality. If one considers it a slip on the sidewalk of life, and one trips and falls, one gets up and continues on ones way, Because really it is not important at all in the long run.