I'm not trying to be a joker.

[LaSpino3]

Here are three jokes I wrote, if you don't laugh, don't blame me, blame Bush.

1. A letter from a discontented church goer to his pastor read, "Because of your poor sermon last week, I am enclosing a miserable pittance amount totalling 1/6 of 1% of what I normally would give.

Our church building is very precious to me, and you must not allow it to deteriorate if you can possibly help it. So the next time you give a sermon on hell, please be sure you can name the other three popular directions.


2. Most young pastors when they go to sleep, dream of counting the number of sheep in their flock. But this one pastor when he went to sleep found himself counting the sheep that were escaping through a hole in his fence. When he got to fifty, he was so frightened that he woke up and had to start over again.


3. After the trial was over, it became know why the light fingered pastor used to double cross his crosses.

Phil LaSpino

 

[LaSpino3]

I have had only marginal success at writing, except for this one time. The writers guilt thought my work was so good, they made a bust of me, and put it on display for two days, 5 hours, and ten minutes.

The worse death any one can suffer, is what they call the, "Arabian death." It will blow your mind, your shoes, and probably your socks off.

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks, "Is this it?" God told her no, then explained that she has another 30 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after she had her hair colored, and is killed by an ambulance speeding by. She arrives in the presence of God and complains, "I thought you said I had another 30 years to live!" God replies, "I didn't recognize you".

A gentleman by the name of Phil LaSpino wrote these.

 

[LaSpino3]

As any Republican would, when I found out Obama was elected President, I was disappointed. As time passed, under his administration, I noticed the price of Gas, and food were sky-rocketing. As more time passed the place where I was employed informed me, "There would be no more overtime." We were also told, "Because the economy is so bad, you will have to take a pay cut."

Later I was told my health insurance premiums would be going up because of Obama-care. Because my pay was cut, I decided to refinance my home. I went to the bank and applied for a mortgage. The bank informed me, "Because your home had depreciated over 40% you are not eligible for refinancing." So they rejected my application. When I was ready to leave, they told me I would receive in the next 30 days a bill for $4500.00 for services rendered because I had filed a refinance application.

Just then, I had a heart attack, and the bank manager called an ambulance. The operator told her I would have to wait two days to be picked up because the waiting list for beds was very long, and they had no place to put me.

So the bank called my family to come and pick me up. But my family didn't have enough money for gas. Finally I hitch-hiked home, and lay in bed for several weeks waiting for an appointment with the doctor. When I finally got to see the doctor, he informed me, "You should have come in sooner; now it was to late."

I was told by a government worker who came to my home, "You are now eligible for assistance living from the government until you die." This assistance would include food stamps, mortgage payments, money for personal expenses; gas, more food stamps, free medical insurance, and prescriptions.

And on top of that, the government will send someone over to give me a ride to the voting booth on election day. Well here I am, waiting for November to roll around, so I can cast my vote for President Obama. You may ask why after all the problems he has caused me?" My reply, "Now I can't afford to loose all my government entitlements."

Phil LaSpino

 

[LaSpino3]

To say any kind of love can exist between a man and a women is absurd. Its no different than saying a page torn from the novel, "The old man and the sea," can fall in love with a page torn from "Moby Dick."

Following is the most ridiculous thing I ever wrote,

I read an article in the Washington post, B section, page two, first column. It said that three men were arrested yesterday. When the police stopped the first two men, they were asked to identify themselves. The first claimed to be John killkin; and the other claimed to also be John Kilkin.

Both names were pronounced the same, spelled a little different; but the police officers were suspicious when both claimed to live at the same street address, 233, Kelkin Ave.

So the police arrested both men for loitering. As they were about to haul them off to jail, the officers saw a third man standing close by. They thought he looked suspicious, so they stopped him. The one officer asked him to identify himself. He said his name was, John Kellkin, and that he lived next door to the other two, on Kelkin Ave. The police didn't believe him either, so they dragged him off to jail.

The story was written by A. J. Kelken, senior writter.

Phil LaSpino

 

[AgapeBible]

Um, your jokes aren't funny. I find some of them offensive, especially the one insulting President Obama. I think President Obama has done a good job improving the economy after Bush ruined it.