I'm not sure..

[handheldoutlaw]

Hello everyone.
My name is Lauren. I am 17 years old ans I struggle with PTSD. I was sexually abused by my dad for years, all in 'the name of the Lord'. I am confused about all this. I know God didn't tell him to...God would never do anything like that.
It still hurt me for a very long time. Im still hurting now.
I've moved forward. I was saved, I am being baptized soon. But...is it wrong that I feel sick ad dirty? Is it wrong that I haven't forgiven him?

 

[joey_downunder]

It is very common for survivors of abuse like yourself to feel that way.
You are not your feelings.

Forgiveness can be very difficult when you have been hurt very badly by someone. It can take time. Ask God to help you through this all. A good Christian counsellor might help you a lot as well.

Here's a good link. Help and healing for abuse survivors. Compassionate support for both genders

 

[handheldoutlaw]

Thank you so much for your response. I am currently in therapy and taking medication for the PTSD.
She is a Christian, and a truly wonderful lady. I am also receiving a lot of support from my church.
I am really struggling and triggered at the moment. I feel as if I'm falling back into a self-harm cycle.

I have poked around tje website a bit, I really like it, very helpful.
Thank you.

 

[Tomyris]

It is very common for survivors of abuse like yourself to feel that way.
You are not your feelings.

Forgiveness can be very difficult when you have been hurt very badly by someone. It can take time. Ask God to help you through this all. A good Christian counsellor might help you a lot as well.

Here's a good link. Help and healing for abuse survivors. Compassionate support for both genders

I poked around in that link some. It looks really good! Thanks for sharing.

 

[Tomyris]

Thank you so much for your response. I am currently in therapy and taking medication for the PTSD.
She is a Christian, and a truly wonderful lady. I am also receiving a lot of support from my church.
I am really struggling and triggered at the moment. I feel as if I'm falling back into a self-harm cycle.

I have poked around tje website a bit, I really like it, very helpful.
Thank you.

I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you've got a counselor and all the good things you mentioned. Do you know how to escape the cycle? Are asking for help?

 

[motherprayer]

Is it wrong that I feel sick ad dirty? Is it wrong that I haven't forgiven him?

No and an EMPHATIC NO! My dear sister, you have much to overcome, and I thank God you have come to know Jesus. This will take time, know that, and by all means take all the time you need!

Lord Jesus, please wrap our sister in your loving arms, give her strength and constantly reassure her of your love for her. Show her how precious she is to you, dear Lord, and give her comfort. Help her to cry out for you when she is hurting. In Your Precious Name I pray, AMEN!

I will pray for you!

 

[ErminlindaRika]

You shouldn't feel sick & dirty. You're still pure in the eyes of God. It might be difficult to forgive him now but forgiveness really gives your mind peace. Of course, I don't know what it's like to go through what you did but I sure would be angry about it too.

 

[handheldoutlaw]

Thank you so much all. <3
All of your responses have literally brought me to tears.
I am getting help. I have family&friends looking over me and making sure I'm safe.

I've never felt so cared about. Thank you for your prayers, it truly means so much, and if any of you ever need anything let me know.
I'm searching for peace. Im looking for something to calm the storm and it's not going away. Maybe I need to let myself feel it?
I am so sick of hurting. I want to let go.

 

[joey_downunder]

It's great to see that people are being blessed by that website too.

Handheldoutlaw, As a Christian you are spiritually alive; you have also been severely injured by your father. He is fully responsible for those injuries - God knows that and will never hold you accountable for what was done to you.

In difficult times like these God seems to make us grow extra fast when we turn to Him for help because we can't do it by ourselves. Hurting is a sign of health - yes hard to believe I know. Dead flesh actually feels no pain.

 

[motherprayer]

I have learned that when my heart is hurting really bad, the best thing I can do is cry out to God. I tell Him EXACTLY how I am feeling, and how much I need to be comforted.

This song helped me through some of the most painful times in my life. I pray it helps you too! I used to feel like when I was sad or depressed, that God didn't love me as much because I wasn't praising Him. This song made me realize just how much He truly cares for us, even when our tears outnumber our smiles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD_pCr_Xrnc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

 

[MyOldLifeIsOver]

You can talk to me anytime.

 

[RuthD]

I, too, was abused in the same way but by my grandfather. I'm so sorry your father did that to you. He is the one who is filthy, not you. You are a beautiful loved child of Jesus and he adores you. You should be proud of yourself for getting all the help you need. I wish I had done that much earlier like you are. You are great! I'll be praying for you. I have gone through much counseling and it took me a long time to forgive, give yourself time to heal. You can pm me any time if you want to talk privately, I'll be here for you. God bless you.

 

[handheldoutlaw]

Thank you all.
I truly feel inadequate,less God's child because I am hurting.
I cant rationalize it.

 

[joey_downunder]

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

That can include sins done against us too. We often accept the first half of the verse - forgiveness of sins, but still feel dirty. God is so powerful He can make us clean as well.

For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:2)

Your innocence was killed, but God - through your faith in Jesus - has given you spiritual life. Healing will take time, but it will come. I am speaking through first-hand experience - I a a rape survivor (rape and coerced sex from ex-boyfriend in my teens). It took a long time for me to stop blaming myself for what happened.

God can undo what was meant to cripple us with self-hatred and regret, and even use it for good e.g. bless others who are struggling with what we have overcome with God's help.

We pray that God fills you with great peace and hope beyond human understanding in Jesus' name.

 

[RuthD]

Thank you all.
I truly feel inadequate,less God's child because I am hurting.
I cant rationalize it.

I'm sorry you are hurting so. I understand. This kind of abuse makes us feel very bad about ourselves but you are not inadequate and you are God's loveable child. Please tell yourself that over and over and you will believe it in time. Praying for you.

 

[handheldoutlaw]

Thank you so much for the responses. I am sorry for the late reply, I only had my phone and this site is difficult to visit on my phone because of all the advertisements. I'm working on getting my head sorted out. Holidays are especially difficult for me, and I'm especially anxious now as Christmas is drawing near. Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. xLaur