Im Lost

[Chris5679]

I am lost with my life. I droped out of school when I was 18 I did go back and get my GED, for the next 5 to 8 years i messed around went from job to job etc etc, I ended up homeless went to jail for stealing and when I turned 26 I had a mild stroke. I tried to make some changes in my life, started church again tried to get a job and make something out of my self. Things havent quite the way I was hoping. I had two more mild strokes lived on the streets off and on and now i live with my mother.
I just turned 31 and I have know idea what Im going to do with my life.
I screwed up alot in my life my family despises me and I cant say I care for them much either. Im always lonely I cant seem to get a job. The last interview I had went bad, I saw how it was going and i broke down and begged the manager for a job. I just wanted a job so bad, needless to say it didnt work out. I keep praying to god, but Im losing faith, each day gets worse. I pray to God to let me go to sleep and not wake up now, I dont want to go to heaven or hell I just want nothingness. I want a chance to remake my life, I want a job a home a family of my own, and were i stand Im not gonna have those. Im gonna go home tonight and be told Im a worthless...well Im gonna get a verbal dressing down many of the words arnt apropriate to be said here. I have brought alot of the grief in my life because of my own stupid mistakes, I understand why my family cant stand me anymore but it hurts so much being treated like trash. Im so mad all the time, Im so tired of the fighting and hate that i feel towards my family. I want to know what to do. I cant live like this much longer and I am having so much trouble praying I keep feeling like why pray nothing changes Im still alone, and I dont hear or see god anymore.
I need a reason to live, I need a light at the end of the trouble and all I see is darkness.

thank you all for listening if nothing else now someone else knows how I feel

 

[Wonki]

I've been told I can't give advice to someone when I haven't been through it myself, so I can't give you advice as I'm only 18. But, I would like pray for you.

God, I know this brother is having a hard time find You. I pray that You'll be present in his life. I pray that he will never give up. I also pray for his family to accept him back again. I pray you comfort this brother of mine. in Jesus' name. Amen.

 

[goldenviolet]

do you have a local "union gospel mission"? ... ...
sorry you are carrying these streeses. you may have caused some of these things, but that doesn't warrent for you to be punished with discouragements and unkindness. message me if you would like to know what my question is about. xo bless your heart! dee

 

[FallenPaladin]

Why does your family not like you? You say you have these problems without mentioning addiction or some other reason for them. Be honest about what the problem is and it will be the first step in you finding a solution.

 

[wayfaring man]

Greetings Chris, and welcome to CA @ CF ,

Often it is our own pridefulness which is the main cause of us being brought down to a real low .

Consider the little sign / saying at the bottom of your OP - it may be meant to be somewhat of a joke , but it hardly conveys the kind of humble mindedness for which God is pleased to lift us up .

Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwells in us lusts to envy?
But he gives more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resists the proud, but gives grace unto the humble.....
Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. <-----> James 4:5,6+10

Prayer + fasting can quicken our being freed from bondage and the weight of heavy burdens upon our soul .


I pray that The Lord and His Spirit guide you into the way of godly humility and christian humbleness , so that God will be pleased to uplift you , and you will be ready to give Him the glory , while others stand in awe of what a difference faith and obedience can make , when The Lord blesses us with / as such . For the witness of the Power of His Holy Name . Amen .

 

[Emmy]

Dear Chris5679. You might feel lost, but God knows you and loves you. It is easy to give in, but always remember, God told us " ask and you will be answered." Just talk to Him and tell Him all that is upsetting you, He will help, Chris. God has given us free will, we can talk to Him or ask questions, and we can be sure that God loves you and will help. If there is a Salvation Army near you, go to their service and stay behind to ask them to help you, they might even have a little job for you. Keep trying and do not give in, Chris. God knows you, God can help you, and God will help you. I say this with assurance and love. Greetings from Emmy, sister in Christ.

 

[Quasicentennial]

Accepting Jesus as your spiritual partner gives you protection every second of your life on Earth which is temporary .:*:. Life eternal is promised to every trustworthy believer, knowing that time cannot destroy our new glorious bodies of Christ in heaven .:*:. When you have this focused in your mind about your new perfect body already reserved for you from Jesus - the greatest gift of all - you become brave and confident as you grow and mature as time goes by .:*:. Jesus had no wife so our new spiritual bodies in heaven need no sexual feelings .:*:. As a Christian, you become an ambassador of equal position with every other Christian on the planet .:*:. Satan has been released deliberately to do his dirty work by creating feelings of rejection, inferiority, uselessness, poor hygiene and poor learning ability .:*:. The faith you carry inside your heart that comes from God, no matter how tiny it is, that faith can move your life forward and never fall back .:*:. Many successful pastors have suffered poverty-stricken lives during their life journeys from the beginning until now such as Benny Hinn and Kenneth Copeland .:*:. I make it a habit to go to church and visit a home cell group for bible lessons each week .:*:. The bible is full of personal experiences that relate to what's going on in everybody's lives .:*:. The food I choose keeps me healthy and one special fruit I cannot ignore is blueberries which contain antioxidants powerful enough to fight cancer and heart disease if you google the health benefits of this fruit .:*:. One vegetable I cannot ignore is the health benefits of cabbage .:*:. Amazing what God can do to open my mind to the internet to hunger new information to keep me strong and healthy even if I am not rich .:*:. Work hard in mind and body so you can live and prosper while you are still young .:*:.

 

[anopenhand]

Chris, you feel lost and depressed. You have made this much clear. But do not give up hope. I haven't.

I have suffered from and been treated for depression and the subsequent alcoholism and lashings out that followed. While the medicine and the doctors helped, what really helped was a real walk with God. Talking with Jesus, with a mirror in hand, finding not what was wrong with me, but what value I had. The Lord loves all of us even if it is hard to see it, I have many health problems asthma, dysautonomia and depression among others. I try to see this as my own personal tale of Job. I have now learned that with every hurdle we leap we get stronger and gain speed, with every temptation we turn down we gain focus and find our value.

Chris you are a light filled being with a soul, like the meekest or the greatest among men. You now want compassion and you have it. What will you do now?

Forgive your family for the judgements they make of you, and judge them not. Remove first the log from your eye before commenting on the speck in anothers. What are you good at? What do you love to do?

This is favourite prayer of a Catholic saint, you may not be Catholic but that is irrelevant, the words are what is important here. Saint Francis of Assisi was a drunk, adulterer and disappointment to his friends and family before he found the Lord, and only after a great fever in which he nearly perished did he find God. He was sickly until the end of his days but it did not stop him from being one of the best examples of the Christian life next to Christ himself. He always said, 'if God can work through me, he can work through anyone.'

Pray this and meditate upon it.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith ;
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness, joy
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

Don't worry about money, the birds neither sow nor reap and the Lord feeds and cares for them, or worry about family. You are part of the family of the Lord and I gladly call you brother. Find a shelter and good people to get you on your feet. I pray that any Church, shelter or organisation that has turned you away be forgiven for their lack of humility.

I bless you. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

 

[salida]

Take one day at a time and get some inspirational friends that love God by their actions. Read the bible and pray daily. Get involved in a serious church. Its a life long lifestyle and you will know God more and more. True faith is demonstrated by actions than then the feelings will come. Feelings alone are like a roller coaster. Feel free to email me.

Do you have the holy spirit? He will give you the power to live a christian life. Human effort alone can't do this. Pray and you will get it.

Again, takes one day and step at a time.

Our enemy, the devil, likes to kill, steal and destroy us. Don't let him.

 

[miss-a]

Yes, seeking a mission home or a pastor could be a great help. Sometimes when we can't hear God, He will speak to us through His people. So it is important that you find a way to be around His people. And when God speaks through His people, He does not condemn. He builds up. He does not tear His children down. Please, call a mission or some churches, find some loving brothers in the Lord to help you heal. This will make a big difference in your heart, and help you see that God has a big plan for good in your life.

Praying for you,
A

 

[Chris5679]

Why does your family not like you? You say you have these problems without mentioning addiction or some other reason for them. Be honest about what the problem is and it will be the first step in you finding a solution.

some things are tough to speak about. Ive never been a drinker or a drug user. I have been a liar a cheat a thief, I have slept in alleys and done things to survive while homeless that make me feel sick. To make this quick and easy I am the the son of a rape victim I learned this when 12 I always bothered my mom about who my father was she got mad and told me. I was innocent at 12 unlike most kids today I didnt understand the concept of rape. I knew the facts of life but I didnt really understand about sex or what being raped ment. I learned as I got older and I also started to notice as I got older my mom got cold to me sometimes violent. I understood later that I was the spiting image of my father which is why my mom probably treated me the way she did. I saw her favor my other siblings and i was jealous I started smoking cigaretts stealing running away from home, anything to make her hurt like i did. My problem was I let it go into my adult life and what you do as a child dosent do as much damage as you do when your an adult. For me the final straw was when I was 26 and started having minor strokes. I was close to 450lbs, I went back to church they helped me get three jobs I lost all three cause of my wieght I ended back on the streets and finally moved back to my mom. I have sence lost over 100lbs im about 290 now. I can walk now and move around better. My problem is Im stuck. I cant find a job, I am stuck living with a family that despises me, I have siblings who attack me physically almost daily. The most resent was my 15 year old brother just walking up to me and slaping me in the face. I want to hurt him and that scares me. My mother dosent stop it, and when i say hurt him I mean as in him in the hospital hurt him. I scream and throw fits and break stuff so I dont attack my siblings. My mom calls my actions crazy, I call it letting my anger out without hurting someone. I want to say hate but i think hate isnt strong enough of a word, theres so much going on in my life that i could write for hours. Im staying out tonight Ill sit somewere read my bible cause honeslty I cant deal with them tonight I just dont have the strength.

Im tired of being angry and having know one to go to. My closet friends was an older couple who helped me in church. one has since passed away and the other well shes a mess Im not gonna dump on her.

I dont know what to do everything i try ends up in failure.

So how does a convivted thief who has been fired from dozens of jobs has heath problems get a job how do i get a place more than that how do i keep it.

I ask here cause Im assuming that there are people here who have problems like mine, who have got back on there feet. I want hope I guess

 

[Chris5679]

just moved to being homeless i prayed for change guess i got it

 

[Peripatetic]

Does your church have a support or counseling program? If not, I'm sure that another church in your area does. My advice would be to reach out and find someone to whom you can tell everything and work through the struggles of your past and present from a Biblical perspective. I will pray for you.

 

[Chris5679]

no and i havent had a church for awhile now. im in indianpolis now.
went to a shelter the other day but got my but kicked so ill try and figure somthing else out

 

[md2]

Don't be bitter or look to mistakes of the past. Guilt is false, don't feel guilty. We are all sinners but guilt is a lie, a tool used by people (and the devil) as leverage to control the victim.
Also unforgiveness can cause problems in our spiritual life and in our health, let God be the one to deal with the wrongs done to you. Understanding that others hurt too can create empathy and maturity in you, and can lead you to showing love to people you thought were loveless, we all need love.
Gratefullness can be realizing that others have it worse, and thanking God for what we do have.
Try not to focus on the negative. If you focus on all that is wrong it becomes perpetuating. You must break the cycle. It requires focus and strength of mind, confidence that comes from God.
We need to read the Bible.
EVERYTHING happens for a reason, we ALL have a purpose, we are all here on earth, no better and no worse in worth to the next person.
I pray for everyone tonight.

 

[EnVida Isaac]

It sounds like you need to get out of the house as soon as possible.

Sometimes it is better to go homeless then to live in such a place. But few can live homeless and trust in God to provide for them.


Get a job, get enough to get a cheap apartment, even a cheap motel room, and get out. Then, your biggest problem will be solved.

Your family, btw, are not God, and you should not allow their bad behavior to cause you to think poorly of God.