I'm lost in confusion and impulsivity.

[Antari]

(excuse my lack of capitalization, i have a broken finger)

i'm about to fall away from god. my mind is clouded, chaotic, and i feel no love for a thing in the world. i guess i've lost my cares for life.

i'm a person who has literally, for the past two years, never awoken to a happy thought. if i had a fun time with friends, i immediately dismiss them as "just pretending they like me," and when i was with my gf, i would always think i said something that hurt her, or that she no longer cared. i'd worry about everything and drive her nuts. that's why she left me. i do this with every aspect of my life.

my problem: if you have a ship where you have multiple compartments, each with the ability to seal itself off from the rest of the ship in case of a leak, wouldn't it be understandable to seal it off if one compartment filled with water? this is me. but after it's sealed, i find rafts and floats to help keep the ship up. this is me. what i mean is, when something in my life looks like it may be lost, i cut it off from me, i stop caring, and that protects me from the pain when it is lost. and then, to fill the hole that the lack of care leaves, i find something radical, stupid, and sinful to replace it. Amanda was my world... and now that she's gone, i'm reaching out for anything to hold onto. she was like a rope to hold onto when climbing a mountain... and now that she's gone, i'm falling and struggling to grab anything i can. this may be self-injury, self-destruction, some crazy hobby, giving into the girls at work, hate, running away, or anything that might hold me for a moment... and even though i see it... the huge support on that mountain which is god, i seem to look past him. i don't know him right now. i don't care where i go right now.

i have always had a messed up mind due to my parents ignoring me, as well as constant rejection at school. i have also always had add, which grew worse in my later years, along with the coming of ocd, as well as an anxiety disorder. i also lost all my weight due to a blood-sugar problem, which could kill me if i were to go without sugar for an extended period of time. not to mention the traumatization in my 6th year when something bad happened to me that has scarred me even until now. i've always been smart, but it works against me in that i think far too much, so much that, in fact, i find things to worry about that may not even exist. i stress over unseen problems, and have to know of things i don't wish to know of.

but, what i'm trying to say, is, i have no one to depend on, no one to love, and nothing to look forward to. just like all the times before, an impulse may become my action. i could snap. i was ready to kill my aunt out of impulse once when dad died. when something hurts me, i bite anything and everything. i'm gonna break without god. i'm gonna fall. either i come back to my father, or i need to die right now. i'm a hazard to everyone around me, and my mind is becoming even more twisted than ever. i can't think rationally anymore.

 

[njcl]

your NEUROTIC which also causes lack of self worth and depression,man your post reminds me of me when i was your age,absolutly identical nearly,you crave love but when it comes you try to destroy it,you think too much??..............lol..my g/f said the exact same thing of me,ill cut to the chase NOTHING is going to get you out of this condition but god/christ......no drugs,counsiling {although thats very helpful}....god obviously knows your psychology and christ frees you from this debilitating disease,you need christs healing and thats the truth,pray you find it

p.s you look like the greatest snooker player ever,stephen hendry,he is scottish,google him.............peace

 

[njcl]

pm me if you need to talk on a personal basis

 

[intricatic]

i have always had a messed up mind due to my parents ignoring me, as well as constant rejection at school. i have also always had add, which grew worse in my later years, along with the coming of ocd, as well as an anxiety disorder. i also lost all my weight due to a blood-sugar problem, which could kill me if i were to go without sugar for an extended period of time. not to mention the traumatization in my 6th year when something bad happened to me that has scarred me even until now. i've always been smart, but it works against me in that i think far too much, so much that, in fact, i find things to worry about that may not even exist. i stress over unseen problems, and have to know of things i don't wish to know of.

No such thing.

I'll keep you in prayer. Within God, all these things revert back to their natural state - the positive. Without Gods influence, all things become depraved and painful, but most times this pain is what brings us closer to God - though they may seem at the time to build a seperation between us and God. What I've found works well is to focus on situations that you are in, don't think of the ifs and mights, those will always take you down a negative path - Satan and his tempters will be right there at your side waiting for that train of thought in a hope to pervert it into something that will make you feel useless. Basically, just be yourself, and ask God what you need to do in every situation you may find yourself in. He's always there, and he'll always listen to you when you need it, no matter how far away he seems at the time.

 

[Bleeah]

God of mercy and strength, protect Antari--be close to him in a time of trouble. By your strength, let him know that he is pressed down but not crushed, because when we are weak we are strong in You.

Lord Jesus, in your compassion show him Yourself, and he will not suffer alone, and in You he will rise again, above despair.

Lord God, create safety and harmony in Antari's family wherever it may be needed. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray against anything that threatens the peace of Antari's home. We pray for reconciliation wherever it may be needed. We pray against any resentment that threatens to tear up Antari's soul. We lift up our brother--by Your grace, Lord Jesus, forgiveness and love triumph in Antari's heart.

 

[Linus]

Dear beloved brother, it's really saddening to read words and I don't have a perfect solution to your problem but brother, the Holy Bible has some good things on the subject:

[font=&quot]Never again will I confess lack, for "My God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19)

[/font][font=&quot]Never again will I confess loneliness, Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world" (Matthew 28:20). "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" (Hebrews 13:5)
[/font]
If I were you, I would write down a list of things with your life that you are happy for and a list of things that you feeling unhappy for. See what things in the unhappy list that you can change to the better. Pray to God that He will help you to change the things you can and accept the things you cannot change and be content with that. Put up goals every day, it can be from the smallest things, call an old friend or a relative to bigger things and when the day is over, you can see what you have accomplished that day. That will be satisfactory, to see a positive progress. Take it step by step and remember that we all fall in life but with God's help we will be able to stand again. He is with us all the way.

From my own expericence I can tell you that I was very bitter towards God, why does He let all these terrible things happen to me. Me and my loved one broke up a month ago and I was really hurt by that but to my surprise, I didn't feel any resentment towards God, back in the days I would be very bitter, but today, even if I'm really hurt by this, I feel that God is with me and He has a better plan for me so I ask Him for patience and comfort.

I'm praying for you beloved!
/Your brother in Christ[font=&quot][/font]

 

[saami]

Dear beloved brother, it's really saddening to read words and I don't have a perfect solution to your problem but brother, the Holy Bible has some good things on the subject:

[font=&quot]Never again will I confess lack, for "My God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19)

[/font][font=&quot]Never again will I confess loneliness, Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world" (Matthew 28:20). "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee" (Hebrews 13:5)
[/font]
If I were you, I would write down a list of things with your life that you are happy for and a list of things that you feeling unhappy for. See what things in the unhappy list that you can change to the better. Pray to God that He will help you to change the things you can and accept the things you cannot change and be content with that. Put up goals every day, it can be from the smallest things, call an old friend or a relative to bigger things and when the day is over, you can see what you have accomplished that day. That will be satisfactory, to see a positive progress. Take it step by step and remember that we all fall in life but with God's help we will be able to stand again. He is with us all the way.

From my own expericence I can tell you that I was very bitter towards God, why does He let all these terrible things happen to me. Me and my loved one broke up a month ago and I was really hurt by that but to my surprise, I didn't feel any resentment towards God, back in the days I would be very bitter, but today, even if I'm really hurt by this, I feel that God is with me and He has a better plan for me so I ask Him for patience and comfort.

I'm praying for you beloved!
/Your brother in Christ

Excellent - and read the needs of others on this prayer forum. There are life and death needs you can help with my beginning to pray for others. Look to Jesus, the Light of the world, and the shadows of your life will begin to fade.

Blessed Lord, Divine Light of the World, shine upon our brother who suffers as we all do from a poor sense of our self worth. Let him see himself as you see him, a beautiful, worthy being created in your image, purchased and won by your duffering and death, and filled with your holy Spirit. Amen

 

[GODSCHILD333]

You Are Very Gifted And God Has A Purpose For You. Youv'e Heard Of The Word Peculiar? Well People Tend To Think That People Of This Nature Is Weird,but It Means Youre Different. You Have To Get Out Of Self-pity, And Anger. It Will Deteriorate Yor Bones And Drive You To The Grave! I've Been There, Attempt Suicide,drugs,and Lonliness, You Name It I've Seen It! Let Me Tell You Nothing Work's But Jesus, And When You Go To Him Go To Him In Truth And I Mean In Sincerety, Don't Sugar Coat Your Problems
Admit Your Sick And Ask God To Heal You. He Loves You So Much, He Under
Stands This Life Were In And He Knows You Cant Go Another Day In Challe-nges Without Him. I Pray That You Stay Strong , And Recognize He's Already Directed You To Help By Telling Your Family In Christ ,what's Going On With You. Please Go And Read Hebrews 10:19-39, James, And Peter In The New Testament And Pray For Understanding Before You Read.remember Were All Suffering For Christ, But Only The Strong Will Survive And Be Able To Witness The Life He Has For Us When This Is Over!
"my Grace Is Sufficient For You,for My
Power Is Made Perfect In Weakness"
Therefore I Will Boast All More Gladly
About My Weaknesses, So That Christ's
Power May Rest On Me.that Is Why For
Christ's Sake, I Will Delight In Weakness
In Insults, Hardships,persecutions,difficu
-ties, For When I Am Weak, Then I'm Strong
2 Corinthians 10:9-10
We'll Pray For You!!!!

 

[JPPT1974]

.Blessed Lord, Divine Light of the World, shine upon our brother who suffers as we all do from a poor sense of our self worth. Let him see himself as you see him, a beautiful, worthy being created in your image, purchased and won by your duffering and death, and filled with your holy Spirit. Amen

Lord be with our brother and help him to build up his self-confidence and self-worth in him. That it is the devil that is telling him all of these lies. Make him loved in your image and understadning. That you love him and you will give him mercy, in your name, and will, amen.

 

[angelwannabe]

LORD I PRAY THAT YOU RENEW THIS CHILDS FAITH AND STRENGTH I PRAY FOR A DOUBLE PORTION OF STRENGTH. KNOW THAT GOD IS ALWAYS THERE WITH YOU. HES YOUR GUIDE AND COMFORT,NOT AMANDA. IF ITS HIS WILL, YOU WILL GET BACK TOGETHER IF NOT HE WILL SEND THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU, DONT GIVE UP AND DONT LET SATAN STILL YOUR JOY.