I'm jumping ship

[MaidforHim]

I've never seen snakes in church. Maybe a few un-repentant 13 year olds, but no snakes (I was one of those once... )

We have a few of those too and yes, I used to be one too :o

I thank God for the fact that once we're His He never gives up on us

 

[WalksWithChrist]

There just has to be better jobs, ya know? Something in an office, perhaps. There's all manner of stuff to contend with: staplers, drawing pins, that angry lady who makes the tea. On any given day, it's far more dangerous than dealing with "deadly" poison... that gives you a bit of a tummy ouchy for a little bit.

Also, how are you doing now, LBF? Are y'alreet?

I'd rather handle snakes that keep doing my current job!

Tech support.

 

[GreenMunchkin]

I'd rather handle snakes that keep doing my current job!

Tech support.

I used to have a list of laugh out loud tech support quotes and cases, but I can't find the email Went looking, but no luck. So, despite its being completely unrelated, instead, my favourite court quotes Also laugh out loud funny...

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
__________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
__________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
__________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
__________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
__________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
__________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?
__________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
__________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
__________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work...
__________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you perfomed on dead people?
A: All of my autopsies are performed on dead people.
__________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral
__________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
__________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
__________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

_______________________________________________

Doctors and pathologists are vey vey funneh

 

[Carolyn H]

In the past I have not felt welcome to post in Conservative or Fundamentalist areas. This is no longer the case.

I am a religious fundamentalist, a social liberal, but firm in my beliefs for Christ. I am now getting to where I relate more to the conservatives. I have so many liberal Christian friends. They are good-hearted. I respect liberal Christianity for what it is supposed to be: a reflection of Christ welcoming the lost with open arms, saving their souls and embracing them into fellowship with Him. But this isn't what I'm seeing happen lately. In very short leaps, "liberal Christian" can become "borderline Christian, but also affirming non-Christian beliefs." Then "borderline Christian" leads to "non-Christian," which quickly becomes "anti-Christian." And if I have to choose between pleasing people, and pleasing God, which will I choose?

If you will, despite the fact that I still believe government has no business regulating who can marry whom (church has every right, but government should not), please count me among the conservatives.

I feel like I've just cut off a limb...

You are welcome here and you can go to my home page anytime you want!!!
Love you sis!!!

 

[WalksWithChrist]

I used to have a list of laugh out loud tech support quotes and cases, but I can't find the email Went looking, but no luck. So, despite its being completely unrelated, instead, my favourite court quotes Also laugh out loud funny...

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
__________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
__________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
__________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
__________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
__________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
__________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?
__________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
__________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
__________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work...
__________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you perfomed on dead people?
A: All of my autopsies are performed on dead people.
__________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral
__________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
__________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
__________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

_______________________________________________

Doctors and pathologists are vey vey funneh

Those are great!!!


I read this online somewhere:
Customer email: I can't send email.
Tech support reply email: Yes you can.

True story from my personal select archive!
I used to work as a repair tech and a lady had just dropped her computer off for repair. I had just started working on it when she called. She wanted to know why she couldn't use her computer!! It took me a few seconds to realize what she was talking about.
Her monitor, mouse and keyboard were all still in place at her home. She was literally sitting there staring at her blank screen wondering why she couldn't get online!!
Me and the boys had a good laugh over that one. It took all my human composure not to laugh at her on the phone!!
We southerners have a phrase to invoke in cases like that:
"Bless her heart!!"

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I was in job training with a woman who thought she wouldn't have to worry about typos any more, since she is typing on a computer instead of a typewriter--the cursor would catch her error and substitute the correct letter.

Where do people get these ideas?

 

[NorrinRadd]

I was in job training with a woman who thought she wouldn't have to worry about typos any more, since she is typing on a computer instead of a typewriter--the cursor would catch her error and substitute the correct letter.

Where do people get these ideas?

Eye don't no why ewe wood doubt here! Spell-checkers! Their grate!

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Eye don't no why ewe wood doubt here! Spell-checkers! Their grate!

What about the person who, when told to scan a document into the computer, held the page up to the monitor like the monitor was going to "read" it?