I'm in BIG trouble. Any advice?

[romaneagle13]

Ok, here's my problem. I agreed to be the godmother to my best friend's first born. My friend is die-hard Roman Catholic and her husband is Byzantine Rite Catholic. She called me today and left me a voicemail teling me that her priest needs a letter from my (RC) church stating that I am a Roman Catholic parishioner in good standing.

What on earth do I do now? I have never told her about my conversion to Anglicanism. She would never understand. So telling her the truth would be the worst thing. It would be very painful and probably ruin our friendship (not just because I left the "true church", but because I was not honest with her before). She has been hurt and betrayed by so many people including her own abusive parents who disowned her when she got married--so I am like the only family she has (except her husband). I can't hurt that way. Plus she'd have to find another RC woman to be godmother and she has no other close female friends or relatives--she wanted me to have that honor.

I used to belong to an RC church in my hometown. I think I should technically still be on their books. I still recieve the catholic diocesan newspaper and collection envelopes (which I don't use). Do you all think I could still get that church to write a letter stating that I am a member? I know it would be dishonest, but they don't know about my conversion. So technically I am still Catholic. But since I have not been active in that church, do you think they would refuse the request? For obvious reasons I can't have my real church send a letter--the word Episcopal on the letter head would be a deadgive away that just screams "PROTESTANT".

Any advice? Father Rick, what say you?

 

[gtsecc]

You are not a Roman Catholic in good standing.
You have no reason to be dishonest.

 

[benedictine]

You are not a Roman Catholic in good Standing.
You have no reason to be dishonest.

I agree. I understand you do not want to hurt your friend. FATHER RICK, WE NEED YOU!

 

[gitlance]

Well, first of all, you are still Catholic. Just because you are not a part of the Roman Church does not mean you are no longer Catholic. Now, getting a member of the Roman church to believe that is something else entirely...

It certainly is not right to be dishonest with your friend, but I also understand that you don't want to hurt her. How long until the baptism? It may very well be best to break the news to her slowly. After all, if you two are as close as you say, I think she would understand. But whatever you do, it must be done with grace, patience, love, and lots of prayer.

Christ's peace be with you!

 

[romaneagle13]

My husband suggested that I contact the RC church to which we belong (he's still nominally catholic) and just ask for the letter. He says this is proabably a common enough thing, I guess a lot of churches ask for these when the godparents aren't members of church where the baptism is taking place. I'm still listed on the RC church's books, so I am still technically catholic according to them. So I guess I'll just do that.

My husband also thinks I should go to the baptism (it's out of state). Of course if, I do, I'll be expected to receive communion if they have a Mass. I wonder if I could get away with that. I think so. The only ones who know the truth are me and God. And I'll keep this between me and Him. That way nobody gets hurt.

 

[UberLutheran]

Ok, here's my problem. I agreed to be the godmother to my best friend's first born. My friend is die-hard Roman Catholic and her husband is Byzantine Rite Catholic. She called me today and left me a voicemail teling me that her priest needs a letter from my (RC) church stating that I am a Roman Catholic parishioner in good standing.

What on earth do I do now? I have never told her about my conversion to Anglicanism. She would never understand. So telling her the truth would be the worst thing. It would be very painful and probably ruin our friendship (not just because I left the "true church", but because I was not honest with her before). She has been hurt and betrayed by so many people including her own abusive parents who disowned her when she got married--so I am like the only family she has (except her husband). I can't hurt that way. Plus she'd have to find another RC woman to be godmother and she has no other close female friends or relatives--she wanted me to have that honor.

I used to belong to an RC church in my hometown. I think I should technically still be on their books. I still recieve the catholic diocesan newspaper and collection envelopes (which I don't use). Do you all think I could still get that church to write a letter stating that I am a member? I know it would be dishonest, but they don't know about my conversion. So technically I am still Catholic. But since I have not been active in that church, do you think they would refuse the request? For obvious reasons I can't have my real church send a letter--the word Episcopal on the letter head would be a deadgive away that just screams "PROTESTANT".

Any advice? Father Rick, what say you?

That church is (apparently) extremely strict about the faith of the person they allow to be a godparent to a child.

You are Catholic, but not Roman Catholic.

Is this something you can comfortably dodge with the child's parents, the child, and that church for the next two decades or quarter century; and what would you do if/when it was found out and disclosed that you were NOT a Roman Catholic?

 

[gtsecc]

I say you call the Priest conducting the Baptism and tell him.

 

[IowaLutheran]

I agree with UberLutheran's last question. As painful as it will be now to disclose your conversion, imagine how much more painful it will be when she inevitably finds out later, and resents the fact that you were the godparent under those circumstances.

 

[romaneagle13]

You all raise good questions. But I really think that I can keep this little white lie going permanently. I sworn all my family members to secrecy (most of them don't talk to her anyway). I just can't face the idea of her saying that I have deserted her. She'll never understand. If I don't even go to the baptism, then she'll probably never know. Furthermore, I do not consider myself incapable of performing the task required by the church of the godparents. We are to promise that if anything happens to the child's parents, that we godparents would see to it that the child is raised and instructed in the RC faith. I could honestly do this. It would be my friend's wish that her children be raised Roman Catholic and I would respect that regardless of my own faith. I would never go against the sacred duty that the position entails. Therefore I feel that I am qualified. Am I wrong?

I still technically have membership in the RC church, I never formally renounced it. So am I wrong to do this? My husband is of the opinion that I ask the RC church for the letter and go with it. I just can't bear to hurt my friend after she has been through so much recently.

 

[Zacharias]

John 8:32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free. (RSV)

 

[masuwerte]

I say you call the Priest conducting the Baptism and tell him.

I second that.

 

[ukok]

I hope you don't mind, but just to give you a Catholic perspective..... I would advise you to be honest. When you are a godparent you make an oath before God...in addition to this the parents of the child have every 'right' to expect you to fulfill the oath you're friend might be cross with you for omitting to tell her the truth before now..but wouldn't it be better than for her to discover that you lied to her, especially if she is a 'die hard Catholic' who takes her faith very seriously indeed, and particularly the spiritual well being and spiritual education of her child?

the Canon law on this is as follows...

CHAPTER IV.

SPONSORS

Can. 872 Insofar as possible, a person to be baptized is to be given a sponsor who assists an adult in Christian initiation or together with the parents presents an infant for baptism. A sponsor also helps the baptized person to lead a Christian life in keeping with baptism and to fulfill faithfully the obligations inherent in it.

Can. 873 There is to be only one male sponsor or one female sponsor or one of each.

Can. 874 §1. To be permitted to take on the function of sponsor a person must:

1/ be designated by the one to be baptized, by the parents or the person who takes their place, or in their absence by the pastor or minister and have the aptitude and intention of fulfilling this function;

2/ have completed the sixteenth year of age, unless the diocesan bishop has established another age, or the pastor or minister has granted an exception for a just cause;

3/ be a Catholic who has been confirmed and has already received the most holy sacrament of the Eucharist and who leads a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on;

4/ not be bound by any canonical penalty legitimately imposed or declared;

5/ not be the father or mother of the one to be baptized.

§2. A baptized person who belongs to a non-Catholic ecclesial community is not to participate except together with a Catholic sponsor and then only as a witness of the baptism.

Christian who is not Catholic, although perhaps a very holy, Christian, cannot fully attest to the beliefs of the Catholic Church. Likewise, a Catholic can only be a Christian witness for someone who is baptized into another Christian denomination. (Cf. Vatican II, Decree on Ecumenism, No. 57).

so, being technicaly Catholic is not really a good foundation for taking on this responsibility...if you don't go to Mass, don't adhere to Catholic Church Teaching etc, you can't really pledge to support the child in his/her Catholicity

God Bless.

 

[romaneagle13]

I told her the truth. And I'm not going to the baptism

Now I have one less friend. I knew she'd never understand.....

 

[masuwerte]

I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope she'll feel differently in time.

 

[Strong in Him]

I can't comment on this - I'm not a Catholic or Anglican. But I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear this. I do hope in time that your friendship can be restored; your different beliefs needn't stand in the way of that.

 

[romaneagle13]

It isn't so much that we have different beliefs. If I had always been Episcopalian she would accept me. What she has a problem with is the fact that I have changed. She feels that changing something so sacred and integral as one's religious denomination is the same as becoming a completely different person. She said, "It's like I don't even know you. You are a complete stranger to me. I thought I knew you. How could you do this?"

 

[Zacharias]

Romans 8:28 We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose. (RSV: Catholic Edition)

 

[UberLutheran]

I told her the truth. And I'm not going to the baptism

Now I have one less friend. I knew she'd never understand.....

...but someone who rejects you on the basis of your religion (and especially in a case like this, when the two denominations are so similar) probably wasn't much of a real friend to begin with.

Your friend has treated you badly, but I'm really proud of you that you were honest with her. It would been so vastly much worse had she found out later.

The way people react to religion is so odd -- and very often, so sad. I have good friends who are Mormon, Jewish, Muslim, fundamentalist Baptist, Calvinist, New Age, and atheistic - and I would feel comfortable entrusting my own life to any of these people (and they know that). They also know that if they were in trouble, I would be there immediately for them. Maybe I'm hopelessly "old school", but I always thought that's what real friendship was all about.

I hope eventually your friend can see past her prejudices and accept you for who you are.

 

[UberLutheran]

It isn't so much that we have different beliefs. If I had always been Episcopalian she would accept me. What she has a problem with is the fact that I have changed. She feels that changing something so sacred and integral as one's religious denomination is the same as becoming a completely different person. She said, "It's like I don't even know you. You are a complete stranger to me. I thought I knew you. How could you do this?"

1. The Holy Spirit led you this way, and not every person gets led the same way.
2. Romans 8:35-39: "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Could oppression, or anguish, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Even as it is written, "For your sake we are killed all day long. We were accounted as sheep for the slaughter."

No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

[romaneagle13]

UberLutheran and Freak4JC, thanks for the scriptural words of comfort. I just have to cling to that and hope that I have made the right decision.