I'm having an abortion tomorrow...

[Susan5]

I Googled "abortion recovery" to see what I can expect and somehow came across this forum.

I am 40, married and the news that I am pregnant came as a HUGE shock. It was not in our life plan, my husband (older than me and counting down the years until retirement) was not pleased and together we opted to terminate the pregnancy.

Or did we?

Today I feel I have been talked into this decision. Until last week I was at peace with the decison. Last Wednesday I had another ultra sound (my doctor suspected an ectopic pregnancy which it isn't) during which I saw the baby's heart beating, which totally confused me. When I called my husband and told him how I felt he was very stern with his reply "I do not want anymore children". We do not have children together.

I woke up this morning, my tummy was upset and when I realized tomorrow this will all be over I went weak at the knees. After calling into work (I'm a hormonal mess) I got on the 'net and found all of you.

I love my husband and I'm torn. I can tell by his attitude that if I choose life for this child our marriage is over. If I choose abortion I am scared to death that I will resent him so much it will ruin our marriage anyway.

Having a child at this time in my life wasn't in my plan either, but I would be willing to change our lifestyle and go back to 2am feedings and diaper bags the size of Dallas if he was on the same page as I am.

Anyone else terminate their pregnancy while married? How did this affect your marriage?

 

[lovesdolphins]

I am praying that you do not do this.

 

[SpiritualAntiseptic]

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through, but nothing in this world is worth taking the life of your child. You'll be stopping the beating heart of your baby and that is something that you can never undo. Ask yourself what is there to gain from it? I hate to whip out the "law", but you do understand that an abortion is a mortal sin that automatically ex-communicates you from the Church?

 

[MikeK]

Consider giving the baby up for adoption - Everybody wins.

 

[April Angel]

I think you will regret this especially since you have seen the baby's heart beating. If I were you, I would explain to your husband that the baby already exists and that this is something which you are not willing to go through with on his behalf. He should not expect this from you. It is beyond reason to expect you to "get rid" of your own baby. That is asking too much. I hope that you will be strong enough to do the right thing. Hopefully, your husband will realise that he is asking too much by expecting you to have an abortion. Not everyone is capable of this and your husband should realise that.

 

[Filia Mariae]

I'm so sorry you are in this position. I can't imagine how scared you must be, because it probably feels like no matter what you do, you lose.

You said that if you have the baby, your marriage will be over. I understand that that is a terrifying thought. but be realistic- if you have the abortion that you don't want because your husband pressured you into it, what will be left of your relationship? You'll resent him and he'll know it.

Please consider adoption if you really cannot have another baby right now.

 

[_Shannon_]

Ohhh--love I will adopt your baby!! I am still nursing my youngest and will be able to nurse your baby, too. I know my kids would all be so happy to have another little one around to love.

Sweet, beautiful woman--this will leave you wounded to the very essence of your being. Please, please ..... stall for time and think about what it is you are really doing.

 

[Akathist]

Please go and talk to your Priest about this before you do anything.

 

[Susan5]

Adoption really isn't an option. It is..but not really. If I continued with the pregnancy I know there is no way I could not keep the baby. I am a mother already, which probably isn't helping right now. Those maternal instincts are in full force right now. Add the fact I lost a child 13 years ago in an accident...it was an accident and here I am with an appointment tomorrow to purposely take the life of a child.


You're right Filia Mariae, no matter which I choose, I lose.

 

[faerieevaH]

*reaching out and giving you a big hug* I just had a baby. I know how life altering it can be. Please reconsider. If you and your husband really do not want children, please consider adoption. My husbands college just adopted a baby girl last night and she is so happy with the child. I know it is hard to actually go against your husband in something as important as this. But there is a little baby growing inside you. You have seen the little heartbeat. It's a new little life. I understand it wasn't in the plans, but it did happen, and now either you both could adjust your plans, however reluctantly (though btw the baby magazines are full of fourty year olds that are pregnant) or you can go look for an adoption agency. Please, please contact your local Birthright. Go to this website to find it. http://www.birthright.com
This is a non judgemental organisation. They will not preach, they will not scold, they will just offer you people to talk to and help you. I'm a local volunteer and the people are so wonderful and supportive. They deal all the time with unexpected pregnancies and doubts. It's completely confidential.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I Googled "abortion recovery" to see what I can expect and somehow came across this forum.

I am 40, married and the news that I am pregnant came as a HUGE shock. It was not in our life plan, my husband (older than me and counting down the years until retirement) was not pleased and together we opted to terminate the pregnancy.

Or did we?

It doesn't sound like you're convinced.

Today I feel I have been talked into this decision. Until last week I was at peace with the decison. Last Wednesday I had another ultra sound (my doctor suspected an ectopic pregnancy which it isn't) during which I saw the baby's heart beating, which totally confused me. When I called my husband and told him how I felt he was very stern with his reply "I do not want anymore children". We do not have children together.

I woke up this morning, my tummy was upset and when I realized tomorrow this will all be over I went weak at the knees. After calling into work (I'm a hormonal mess) I got on the 'net and found all of you.

I love my husband and I'm torn. I can tell by his attitude that if I choose life for this child our marriage is over. If I choose abortion I am scared to death that I will resent him so much it will ruin our marriage anyway.

I think you need to listen to yourself here... you don't sound at peace with this.

Having a child at this time in my life wasn't in my plan either, but I would be willing to change our lifestyle and go back to 2am feedings and diaper bags the size of Dallas if he was on the same page as I am.

Anyone else terminate their pregnancy while married? How did this affect your marriage?

I have not been through this, but I have gone through this with a friend of mine. She spent many years trying to deal with the abortion. I can't tell you if things had been any different had she waited to make her decision.

I would recommend that you cancel your appointment tomorrow... give yourself more time to decide what you'd like to do. You can always reschedule your appointment if you decide this is what you want to do.

I'd also suggest that you contact a crisis pregnancy center who can talk with you about the abortion process and alternatives to abortion such as adoption, or with a professional counselor who can help you decide what you want to do. I really hear you saying you're not convinced about having an abortion, and perhaps adoption would be an alternative that you and your husband could live with.


Something that many times isn't known, is husbands and boyfriends have emotional responses to abortion as well. The two of you may want to learn about these effects together too. Common after effects of abortion are:

Bouts of crying ​

Depression ​

Guilt ​

Inability to forgive yourself ​

Intense grief / sadness ​

Anger / rage ​

Emotional numbness ​

Sexual problems or promiscuity ​

Eating disorders ​

Lowered self esteem ​

Drug and alcohol abuse ​

Nightmares and sleep disturbances ​

Suicidal urges ​

Difficulty with relationships ​

Anxiety and panic attacks ​

Flashbacks ​

Multiple abortions ​

Pattern of repeat crisis pregnancy ​

Discomfort around babies or pregnant women ​

Fear / ambivalence of pregnancy ​

Common effects of adoption:

Grieving​

Worry of child's welfare​

Depression​

Desiring reunification​

Physical complaints with no medical basis​

Feelings of loss​

Wondering if that is your child when seeing others around that age​

Sexual problems​

Sleep and appetite disturbance​

I hope that others who have gone through abortions will share their experiences with you and how their choices have effected their lives.

Take gentle care.

In Him,
Kristen




PS - I am adopted.

 

[faerieevaH]

You say adoption isn't an option because you could not give the child away after having carried it for nine months. How would you feel when you have terminated that life. I believe Filia Maria is right. If you end that life inside you, against your wishes, against your doubts, you will forever resent your husband and know that he made you end the life of your child.
Marriage is precious, but a marriage can be saved, can be worked on. Death is final, an abortion can not be undone.

 

[woman.at.the.well]

I am praying that you do not do this.

me too! please don't

 

[stivvy]

God loves you and so does that baby right now. He has a soul and that soul knows you. He crys to you and you feed him. He is of you. Would you cut out your eye if suddenly you needed to invest time and money into correcting them. No, you accept the cross and you get the medical attention to correct them. And then you cheerish all that you see in this world through them.

You are getting a new pair of eyes, another chance, to see the world in a whole new light.

Are you prepared to give up a generation and possibly many offsprings down the line from this childs future (who knows, you might one day have kidney failure and this child or their offspring may have the kidney you need).

As humans we make decisions too abruptly and then down the line we pay for them so many times over and many times regret them in hind sight. You do not need to do that, you have a choice to choose life. God is watching intently. Are you willing to risk your everlasting salvation on this?

 

[faithfulchild]

I have send you a private message Susan. Click on Private Message on top right hand corner. Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions regarding my PM. I believe you need to do 5 posts before you can send private messages.

Praying for you!

 

[Miss Shelby]

Please reconsider this. I would be willing to adopt the baby as well.

 

[E-beth]

I stumbled across this thread, but I am praying for you.

I am praying for you to have peace, and that the Lord will impress upon you what He wants you to do.

Trust in what the Bible says....God will not give us more than we can handle.

Do what your heart tells you. You will have to live with your decision for the rest of your life.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

.

 

[sunshineray]

As a woman who has had an abortion, I pray that you find another way than aborting this child. If you have gone through with abortion, I beg you to seek counseling as soon as possible.

 

[Concetta]

Hugs and deep prayers for you, whatever you decide. I am 46 and my youngest child is 5. Having another child after so many years and at an older age.... yes it is an adjustment, but I would not trade it for anything.