i'm finally losing it *VENT*

[dyingrose]

I am a 19 yr. old girl..losing my mind.

I've tried reading the bible, christian inspiration books, asking advice of a friend (who was apparently too busy to answer) about christianity, have found NO ANSWERS on christianity. so. I guess I'm destined to go to hell? Why would God or whoever make me so miserable? I have social anxiety disorder so i dont have any close friends to talk to, but i mean yeah i know its not like i have cancer or something..what I've learned from christianity is you're not allowed to feel negative feelings, you're supposed to figure out God on your own, that everyone naturally deserves to go to hell, that even the most righteous person on the earth is a like a filthy rag compared to God. How did God get to be born perfect w/ no faults but we were born so sinful and horrible? And how do i know if I'm posessed by the devil? I feel that God is this old,wise,strict mean person up there who has his favorites who he gives a decent life and others he purposely tries to have them end up in hell. i cant talk to anyone about christianity except in here b/c i feel my questions are too stupid and unworthy of response..but i'm desperate..i've been depressed 5 years, felt suicidal on and off ad have been cutting myself for the past 5 years (also a sin, but i'd of killed myself if not for it). Is there any way i can be exorcised of all the evil inside of me and also all the craziness inside? One of these days i truly WILL kill myself if i never find any answers soon. I know, I'm crazy.. but please dont give me any of the "you're selfish and feel sorry for yourself" stuff, i mean i HATE myself so how can i feel sorry for myself?? I'm so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Why was i born this way??

 

[Radagast]

... have found NO ANSWERS on christianity.

Well, this is a good place to ask questions.

... Why would God or whoever make me so miserable?

Well, it's your thoughts and actions that make you miserable (and my thoughts and actions that make me miserable). To not be miserable, we need to be reconciled with God.

... what I've learned from christianity is you're not allowed to feel negative feelings...

Not at all. Read the Psalms, for example. David certainly had negative feelings a LOT. Even Jesus was sad at times.

... even the most righteous person on the earth is a like a filthy rag compared to God...

Indeed. If God didn't reach down to us, we would have no hope.

... Is there any way i can be exorcised of all the evil inside of me and also all the craziness inside? ...

At a spiritual level, start with praying and reading the Gospels. This posts may or may not make sense to you: http://members.ozemail.com.au/~dekker/essays/while.html

At a medical level, you may need treatment for depression.

God bless you,

-- Radagast

 

[purpleunicorn_Andi]

I'm new here, so I hope you don't mind my advice. I have suffered from depression for a very long time, I am a Christian and have been since I was about 10. I believe that God uses these emotions that we have to help others going through hard times. I want you to know that you are not alone out there, and God has a plan (don't know what it might be, and as hard as things are to go through at times and we just want to give up, remember that God wants us to seek Him.)
I have been suffering from depression off and on for about 17 years now. I tend to hide and don't want to be around people. Which is why I make myself (with God's help) get up everyday, on days I work if I can't be happy for real, I paste a smile on and do my best at pretending. I find myself complementing others, or trying to do a little extra for someone when I can. ( I am by no means perfect, I hold grudges, and feed off people's emotions so if someone comes in to the store in a bad mood, and starts griping at me I get an attitude right back at them) I am not a cutter, but have chatted with a few online. I almost succeeded in killing myself this past November, and I want to tell you honesty nothing is worth doing that to yourself. find yourself a friend (even if it is someone online) that you can talk to when you are feeling low. To be honest helping others has always helped me out of my lows, and sometimes it helps just to be there and listen, or to have someone to listen to you. I don't know you, but I am praying for you. That God gives you a friend to lean on, and hope for the tomorrows to come.

 

[chilehed]

Oh, my dear child, we're most certainly NOT supposed to figure out God on our own, that's why Jesus left us the Church. Negative feelings are a fact of our existance, there's nothing wrong with having them the key is what to do about them. God can and does cleanse us, we can in fact attain righteousness by His grace and you don't sound to me like you're doomed to hell.

Your questions are not at all stupid and you certainly are worth answering them for, Jesus died for you and would have even if you were the only sinner in the world.

I see that you're Catholic. Please, please please talk to your priest about this. Please also come visit the One Bread, One Body section of the forum, lots of nice folks over there. Also, Catholic Answers has a good forum, visit www.catholic.com

And yes, perhaps you could talk to your physician about your depression.

May the grace and peace of our Lord be with you.

 

[HoshikoUsagi]

I am a 19 yr. old girl..losing my mind.

I've tried reading the bible, christian inspiration books, asking advice of a friend (who was apparently too busy to answer) about christianity, have found NO ANSWERS on christianity. so. I guess I'm destined to go to hell? Why would God or whoever make me so miserable? I have social anxiety disorder so i dont have any close friends to talk to, but i mean yeah i know its not like i have cancer or something..what I've learned from christianity is you're not allowed to feel negative feelings, you're supposed to figure out God on your own, that everyone naturally deserves to go to hell, that even the most righteous person on the earth is a like a filthy rag compared to God. How did God get to be born perfect w/ no faults but we were born so sinful and horrible? And how do i know if I'm posessed by the devil? I feel that God is this old,wise,strict mean person up there who has his favorites who he gives a decent life and others he purposely tries to have them end up in hell. i cant talk to anyone about christianity except in here b/c i feel my questions are too stupid and unworthy of response..but i'm desperate..i've been depressed 5 years, felt suicidal on and off ad have been cutting myself for the past 5 years (also a sin, but i'd of killed myself if not for it). Is there any way i can be exorcised of all the evil inside of me and also all the craziness inside? One of these days i truly WILL kill myself if i never find any answers soon. I know, I'm crazy.. but please dont give me any of the "you're selfish and feel sorry for yourself" stuff, i mean i HATE myself so how can i feel sorry for myself?? I'm so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Why was i born this way??

Let's Try to help you one piece at a time.

First, this is certainly the place to ask questions. We're all here to help you

I'm curious as to where you were told negative feelings have no place in Christianity, as this is simply not true. Many people in the bible have grieved, been sad, upset or angry. Righteous people, even. Jesus became angry with the Pharasiees (sp?) on occassion, even God is shown to have righteous anger.

God wasn't born per se....He has always been and always will be. He has always been perfect. We're born sinful because of the fall of Adam and Eve, and if it were not for Jesus offering his life as a payment for our sins, we would have no hope of ever being close to our Heavenly Father.

You would know if you were possesed by the devil, believe me. The fact that you can wonder about it shows you more than likely don't have that to worry about.

God desires no one to go to Hell.

2 Peter 3:9 reads: The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some regard slowness. Rather He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance.

So He clearly does not set certain people up for heaven and certain people up for hell.

Please talk to someone about the cutting and depression. I suffered from the same things for 11 years until I was 19 and I still believe to this day that the Lord helped me through it then, though I did not acknowledge it at the time. I should have gone to someone, please don't do it the way I did.

I will pray for you.

 

[Mustaphile]

I've tried reading the bible, christian inspiration books, asking advice of a friend (who was apparently too busy to answer) about christianity, have found NO ANSWERS on christianity. so. I guess I'm destined to go to hell?

I don't think you are dyingrose. I would say to you that peoples perceptions of God is often a reflection of themselves. If you examine your perceptions of God, you may come to understand yourself a little bit better. God is loving and merciful, as evidenced by the character of Jesus Christ. Christ said, if you know me, you know the Father. If your perception of God is devoid of love, then you are lacking love in your life. Perfect love is an unconditional love. Your placing a lot of conditions on yourself about how you should be and why God should love you. There are no conditions to God's love. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more, and nothing you can do to make God love you less.

Another aspect you should consider is that God does the transforming in our lives, when we trust Him, not us. It seems to me you are trying to transform yourself into something that you feel is acceptable to God. Let go of that urge and let God do the work. He may not do it the way you expect. You may feel like you are getting worse before you get better, but if you trust that God will bring you through this situation, it will happen.

The key thing here is you hate yourself, but God loves you. You think your a mess beyond the love of God, but that isn't so. This is what Jesus came to show us. People need to be loved and to love others. It's an essential part of our being. The one being that will always love you is the one you are rejecting. God loves you, dyingrose. Just accept that on trust and believe it. Remind yourself that your loved and allow that hole in your life to be filled with that love.

 

[Sketcher]

How did God get to be born perfect w/ no faults but we were born so sinful and horrible?

I don't know, but that's the problem Jesus suffered and died to solve. He loves you! Take this opportunity to have Him take your sins away and give you eternal life.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.'" - Galatians 3:13

"All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away." - John 6:37

And how do i know if I'm posessed by the devil?

If you were posessed by the devil, you probably wouldn't be writing this. You are clearly crying for help, and you wouldn't be able to do that if your were posessed.

I feel that God is this old,wise,strict mean person up there who has his favorites who he gives a decent life and others he purposely tries to have them end up in hell.

He's not like that. If He wanted people to go to hell, He would not have gone through the trouble of suffering and dying in your place. His aim is to SAVE us from hell.
[/QUOTE]

 

[judah one]

I DONT FEEL SORRY FOR YOU BUT I MUST LOVE YOU IN JESUS NAME
JESUS CAME SO THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE LIFE,NOT DEATH

I PRAY THAT GOD WILL HELP YOU WITH YOUR MIND
YOUR MIND IS IMPORTANT YOU MUST FEED YOUR MIND
WITH THE GOOD THING'S OF THIS WORLD GOD IS LOVE

JOHN 3:16 IN FACT I LOVE YOU TO AND YOU WILL GAIN YOUR MIND
INSTEAD OF LOSING IT
WHEN I WAS AN EARY TEEN I USE TO GO OUT OF STATE FOR THE SUMMER
SOME THING'S WENT ON THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I WAS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING BUT I COULD NOT
TALK ABOUT IT WHEN I SHUT THE DOOR UP TO MY HEART THE PAIN GREW
EVEN STRONGER I USE TO BE AROUND WHEN MY GRAND PARENT'S WOULD
FIGHT I WOULD SEE MY GRAND MOTHER CHASE MY GRAND FATHER AROUND
THE HOUSE WITH A BIG BUTCHER KNIFE

SO ONE DAY I WANTED TO END IT ALL I WENT AND GOT THAT KNIFE
AND PRESSED IT HARD UP AND DOWN ON MY FACE BUT WHEN I DID THIS
I COULD SEE MYSELF THROUGH THE MENTAL WHILE HOLDING THE KNIFE
JUST BECAUSE I COULD NOT TALK TO MY GRAND MOTHER ABOUT HOW I FELT AND WHEN I GOT HOME TO CALIFORNIA I KEPT IT ALL INSIDE
AND I WAS NOT GOING TELL MY MOM..
http://www.christianforums.com/newreply.php?do=newreply&noquote=1&p=14399166#
BUT THE POINT IS YOU HAVE TO WANT HIM TO HELP YOU
GOD WANT'S TO LOVE YOU HE LOVED DAVID, HE SAVED DAVID
GOD HAS SET BEFORE YOU LIFE AND DEATH WHICH ONE WILL YOU
CHOSE? BUT GOD LOVE'S YOU SO MUCH THAT HE GAVE YOU THIS CHOICE
EACH DAY IN JESUS NAME COME UP TO WHERE YOU NEED TO BE..

 

[vinc]

I've tried reading the bible, christian inspiration books, asking advice of a friend (who was apparently too busy to answer) about christianity, have found NO ANSWERS on christianity. so. I guess I'm destined to go to hell?
No. You are not destined to go to hell. Instead of searching for answers about Christianity as a religion, i sincerely urge you to seek to know more about the Lord Jesus Christ and to find out how real He is to you personally. This may take time even a few years. So, i urge you to exercise patience. Presently, there is a lot of "churchianity" and "christless christianity" in the world. God will not be expecting much from you as you are beginning to seek and understand Him and His True Way. Lord Jesus Christ said, "I am the Truth, I am the Way and I am the Life and no man comes to The Father except through me". Therefore we pray to Father-God in the name of Lord Jesus Christ (His Son).

Why would God or whoever make me so miserable?
God is not making you miserable. I think you are getting frustrated and dissatisfied with all this, as the "understanding" or "answers" have not come to you yet either directly from above or through any human source. This is natural of any human being including me. Sometimes, i get frustrated, dissatisfied and miserable too.

I have social anxiety disorder so i dont have any close friends to talk to, but i mean yeah i know its not like i have cancer or something..
This is sometimes natural of many human beings. So, you have done the right thing by joining this Forum and feel free to post your questions irrespective of what other people might think of you. The Only True Friend who loves and understands us the most (than any other human being on earth) is God.

what I've learned from christianity is you're not allowed to feel negative feelings, you're supposed to figure out God on your own, that everyone naturally deserves to go to hell, that even the most righteous person on the earth is a like a filthy rag compared to God.
God allows us to have negative feelings Coz He knows that they are natural as we are human beings. And He patiently waits until we overcome those negative feelings. Although it is excellent to figure out God on our own, but God has His instruments who help us in this venture. And God Himself is more than willing to help us in knowing more about Him (but all in good time!). Yes, you got this right that all of us naturally deserve to go to hell but we have access to heaven and eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord and Human Representative in heaven before Father-God. Yes, this is right too, that even the most righteous person on the earth is like a filthy rag compared to God Coz He is so holy that the Cherubims and Seraphims cover their faces with their wings before Him and cry, "Holy, Holy, Holy Lord God Almighty". Now, that does not mean that we stop living righteously and start sinning.

How did God get to be born perfect w/ no faults but we were born so sinful and horrible?
The Bible says, "In the beginning God". God was there in the beginning of creation and everything in the whole Universe was created by Him. The Bible says, "God is Perfect", "God is Love", "God is Holy" and yes God is without fault. God never makes mistakes like us. And God did not make human beings sinful and horrible initially. Adam and Eve, the first couple whom God made were "Living Souls" and innocent and probably holy too. They did not have the knowledge of Good and Evil until they disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit. From then on...sin came into the human race too. So, God sent His only begotten son Lord Jesus Christ to save all of us from the penalty of sins and from hell so that we live in heaven with God in eternal bliss. And still the complete plan of God is yet to be carried out. So, we are yet to see the complete plan of God and therefore it is sometimes so difficult to understand why God allows certain things or does certain things. For one thing is sure, that man is finite and God is infinite and to comprehend or understand the infinite God by finite man is bound to take millions of years.

And how do i know if I'm posessed by the devil?
I don't think that you are possessed by the devil.

I feel that God is this old,wise,strict mean person up there who has his favorites who he gives a decent life and others he purposely tries to have them end up in hell.
Yes, God is old, wise and strict. But, God is not mean. God is a tender compassoinate friend. God is an ever-loving and ever-merciful being. He is winsome of all beings. In fact the Bible in John 3:17 says, "He did not come to condemn the world but to save the world". But, God has made spiritual laws, natural laws etc. So, everyone reaps what he has sown. If someone is having a decent life then he/she must have sown (unlike others) to reap such a life. God never purposely tries to have any human being end up in hell. This is a wrong notion. Even Lord Jesus Christ (God's only begotten son) did not have a decent or comfortable life. He had to learn His earthly lessons like any other human being. He underwent suffering like any other human being probably even more than any human being. God loves all His creation and He is our Eternal Heavenly Father. Would a Father/Mother want a child to purposely destroyed? No. We go to hell because of our own life. And hell itself is like a purgatory. I believe the work of salvation of souls will be carried out even in hell. God is an impartial God. If we seek His help early in our life we are truly wise and blessed.

i cant talk to anyone about christianity except in here b/c i feel my questions are too stupid and unworthy of response..
These are not stupid or unworthy questions. Frankly speaking, majority of the Christians would have pondered about the questions, which you have posted here, within themselves. This may help some others who read this discussion thread. I believe we are free to question and discuss all kinds of questions that comes to our mind as we are all in the learning process and none of us know everything yet. A wise man will acknowledge his ignorance and will seek to learn and grow in wisdom.

but i'm desperate..i've been depressed 5 years, felt suicidal on and off ad have been cutting myself for the past 5 years (also a sin, but i'd of killed myself if not for it). Is there any way i can be exorcised of all the evil inside of me and also all the craziness inside?
Depression can lead us to do such things, it may not be because we are demon-possesed. What you have inside is not evil. It is the tremendous burning desire to seek spiritual truths which is leading you to frustration and depression and this is very very natural. So, you don't be harsh on your body. Like i said before, the answers to your questions may come over a period of time and that too in bits and pieces. And sometimes you have to live with some of your questions for a few years. A day will come when you will be able to answer questions concerning Godly matters asked by other humans!

One of these days i truly WILL kill myself if i never find any answers soon. I know, I'm crazy.. but please dont give me any of the "you're selfish and feel sorry for yourself" stuff, i mean i HATE myself so how can i feel sorry for myself?? I'm so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Why was i born this way??
You hating your self is natural. Don't get me wrong if i say that it is also excellent to hate one's self. Everyone is born that way including me. I hate myself too whenever i find myself doing anything wrong. And therefore we think of punishing ourselves and be harsh with our ownselves. But, we need not kill ourselves or punish ourselves Coz we are a valuable creation of God and He is concerned about us. We only need to go to our Father-God and honestly confess our sins, ask His forgiveness and continue further in life.

God expects us to be faithful to Him only to the extent of the "spiritual light" He has given to us. God is patient enough to see us grow in Him to perfection.

As young people we give vent to our emotions and frustrations. It is natural. I sincerely urge you to post any further questions which you may have so that the bottle-necks are cleared and you feel relaxed and better. The Bible says, "If you know the Truth, the Truth will set you free.". This means that the Truth will set you free in your mind and makes you feel better and relaxed. The more and more Spiritual Truths that we learn, the more and more we are at peace within ourselves.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

I am a 19 yr. old girl..losing my mind.

I've tried reading the bible, christian inspiration books, asking advice of a friend (who was apparently too busy to answer) about christianity, have found NO ANSWERS on christianity. so. I guess I'm destined to go to hell? Why would God or whoever make me so miserable? I have social anxiety disorder so i dont have any close friends to talk to, but i mean yeah i know its not like i have cancer or something..what I've learned from christianity is you're not allowed to feel negative feelings, you're supposed to figure out God on your own, that everyone naturally deserves to go to hell, that even the most righteous person on the earth is a like a filthy rag compared to God. How did God get to be born perfect w/ no faults but we were born so sinful and horrible? And how do i know if I'm posessed by the devil? I feel that God is this old,wise,strict mean person up there who has his favorites who he gives a decent life and others he purposely tries to have them end up in hell. i cant talk to anyone about christianity except in here b/c i feel my questions are too stupid and unworthy of response..but i'm desperate..i've been depressed 5 years, felt suicidal on and off ad have been cutting myself for the past 5 years (also a sin, but i'd of killed myself if not for it). Is there any way i can be exorcised of all the evil inside of me and also all the craziness inside? One of these days i truly WILL kill myself if i never find any answers soon. I know, I'm crazy.. but please dont give me any of the "you're selfish and feel sorry for yourself" stuff, i mean i HATE myself so how can i feel sorry for myself?? I'm so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Why was i born this way??

First of all, don't listen to people out there that tell you that if you're a Christian, that you shouldn't have negative feelings. We're human. We will have good feelings, bad feelings, negative, positive, sad, happy, etc., etc. I heard a lot of the same sort of thing--especially when I first accepted Christ. A lot of these people are off in their own little world. If they give you issues for having negative thoughts . . . brush off their words and move on.

Also, coming to Christ and becoming a Christian will not make all your problems and issues go away. They will still be there and you will still have to deal with them.

I was a lot like you. I was searching for a long time and read books on Christianity, as well as other religions. I didn't know what to believe or how to believe. What it boils down to is that you can read every book on Jesus and Christianity and you will still be dumbfounded and not know where to turn. For some of us, it takes us being in a really, really low place in order to accept the fact that we need a savior and that we believe that Jesus is that savior. God will work on you. You just have to be willing to let him.

Long story short, I ended up coming to Christ one night when I was in a really low place. I picked up the Bible and flipped it open. It landed on Psalms 31, which I read. Then I immediately cried like a baby. No one person was witnessing to me, although years before I'd have people mention a few things here or there. It was all God.

Once you do experience this, you're not automatically alright and everything isn't perfect, as some people would like you to believe. I think that some people do experience this, but most of us most likely won't. We are just a lump of clay, waiting to be molded. I suggest even perhaps staying far from CF while you're searching. You'll come to find that there's a whole lot of people who believe that they're God's right hand man and know everything. If you do not agree with them, well, you're not a Christian. The last person I ever believed while a seeker was a Christian as I thought them all to be hypcritical, judgmental people who stick their noses down at you. Now I know that there are some out there like that, but there's an awful lot out there who are willing to help you along. Be selective.